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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To want to scream F**k off at your DH

40 replies

Tiptoethroughtheroses · 10/06/2018 14:56

He is such an arse and I literally cannot bare him sometimes. He's just makes me feel like shit.
It's boiling here today and the kids didn't want to go anywhere so I said I was going to head out for a walk. I'm very overweight with asthma but trying to lose weight/get fit so was going to walk into the village and back which is flat.
I go to get changed and when I'm done both kids are ready to go for a walk/scooter ride with daddy down a massive valley full of hills. I said I won't be able to manage that in this heat etc and then I get told 'go on then, do what you want and not go out with your family' 'no no go without your family' when I argued he ignored me and then when I'd said I'd come he wouldn't wait Angry
I went on my walk, they got back just before me and he goes 'oh you're back already' in a tone implying I haven't done much.
All this is already after other comments all weekend, one of which telling the kids that as I only work three days I sit around the other two doing nothing.
He's such a shithead!!
Sorry I had to let it all out somewhere!

OP posts:
Nottheduchessofcambridge · 10/06/2018 15:01

I thought he was being nice, I have to force my OH out for a walk. I don’t really see your problem?

Onemansoapopera · 10/06/2018 15:02

I think you need to ask your husband directly why he's playing on your insecurities about your weight and fitness and be prepared to hear an answer you dont like. Its very clear you're unhappy with your health and perhaps he is too and showing it in a less than constructive way. I am also a few stones overweight and asthmatic, its horrible to feel so incapable of joining in normal family stuff, not for fear that you'll get out of breath so much as the shame of panting and struggling because weight. Its a solitary place to be and one only you (we) can get ourselves out of.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 10/06/2018 15:03

Well....he shouldn't speak to you horribly obviously. But, sorry OP, s good scoot down a load of valleys and hills is clearly going to be way more fun for the kids on a Sunday than a gentle amble into the village and back...

Melliegrantfirstlady · 10/06/2018 15:03

Not the duchess if you think he was being nice your bar is very low!

Op

Men who say rubbish like this to their kids about their own mum are a nasty piece of work. Childish to boot.

daisychain01 · 10/06/2018 15:06

I see your problem. He was mean and grumpy. Maybe you felt his curmudgeonliness more because of the heat? Do you think the heat is getting to you both?

Hey, the main thing was that you got out for your walk, despite his barbed snidey comment. I'd just ignore him Smile

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/06/2018 15:07

He wasn't being nice.

He wasn't interested in going out until OP got changed to go for a walk. At which point he suddenly found the motivation to get himself and the kids ready. Scored points off the OP because she had chosen a walk for herself and got accused of going out without her family. Which, to me, sounded like a deliberately engineered situation by the OP's husband.

Then scored more points because she was back before him and the kids. So yes, when you find an appropriate moment, please scream WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF. At your husband.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/06/2018 15:07

What part of 'go on then, do what you want and not go out with your family' did you think was being nice, Notthe ?

Put bluntly, a man is fat shaming his overweight, asthmatic wife and is using their kids to underline his point?

He could have said "I'll take the kids off somewhere, give you time to enjoy your walk" or "Take your time love, don't overdo it" or anything... anything at al that would have been nicer than what he chose to say!

OP, he sounds like a total pratt! What do you want to do about him?

BastardGoDarkly · 10/06/2018 15:11

Arsehole.

Agree with pp. Tell him to fuck off!

If he is worried about your health, he's being utterly unsupportive.

Go you op, keep going Flowers

Original poster
Tiptoethroughtheroses · 10/06/2018 15:11

I know it's more fun for the kids but is just the way he said in front of the kids that I didn't want to spend time with them when he knew I'd find it difficult to do. That wasn't the case, I try my hardest to join in with everything even if I'm uncomfortable because I don't want to be that mum who doesn't but this I knew would be too much today in this heat.
There's always constant digs from him and this wound me up and upset me. Maybe not the worst thing ever to happen but when it's constant it's the little thing that can push you over.
Maybe I am too sensitive to it all?

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 10/06/2018 15:14

No, he definitely sounds like he's being a shit Flowers

fuzzywuzzy · 10/06/2018 15:15

OP you’re not sensitive. Your husband is a knob.

He’s trying to undermine you in front of your children. He’s a nasty bully.

How do you see your future?

LadyintheRadiator · 10/06/2018 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeacupTattoo · 10/06/2018 15:23

You are not being too sensitive! He is on purpose running you down to your own children. Very unpleasant. Is he feeling that you don't do much as a family at minute? If so he should say so politely! It sounds like there is an unpleasant atmosphere, children are far more aware of those than we give them credit for, maybe talk about that? I couldn't put up with this tbh, but I insist we all behave respectfully to each other and am quite stern about that haha.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/06/2018 15:25

No you are not being too sensitive here at all.

Why are you and he together?. He seems to take great delight in abusing you verbally at any and all opportunities. What is he like with you day to day?. The self same then too?.

What do you think your kids are learning about relationships here from the two of you?.

MumofBoysx2 · 10/06/2018 15:29

He seems to have the tact of a sleep-deprived rhino, but even so I can sort of see his point - all three of them wanted to take the other walk. Couldn't you have walked along a bit of the way with them and had a rest and joined up with them later?

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 10/06/2018 15:31

Either he's unhappy with your recent weight gain or he's scared you'll lose weight and look too good for him

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 10/06/2018 15:32

OP said she was going for a walk, he got the kids ready to go, scooters and all so they could go together as a family. Op says she’s not going with them, I think he was probably a bit pissed off. I would be if my OH would rather go on his own when I’d got everyone ready. And if it was the other way round, him not wanting to walk with the family, you’d have lots of posts saying what a twat he was!

TheBigFatMermaid · 10/06/2018 15:32

That is out of order, like you, I am overweight, I am also disabled. I struggle to walk very far at all. My family, my partner included, help me work around it. We drive places, they 'park' me with a book and walk off. That way I am reasonably involved, but not struggling.

DP would never make comments like that.

WilburIsSomePig · 10/06/2018 15:40

I thought he was being nice, I have to force my OH out for a walk. I don’t really see your problem?

He was acting like a shit to make her feel bad. How can you not see that?

Bahhhhhumbug · 10/06/2018 15:52

My DH used to do something similar till l fired some fucks into him one day and never done it since.
With me it wasn't my weight or fitness it was something as silly as my sense of direction and my almost phobic fear of getting lost/stranded l have no idea where it comes from but l can feel the panic rising in these situations and then l couldn't find my way out of a phone box.
He used to love nothing more than sitting in our car in a large car park or standing in a square full of people without waving or calling me and amuse himself about how ridiculous it was and seeing how long it was before l saw him. The longer it took me the more amusing he found it.
Whenever l walked out of a shop l used to be aware he was sat there laughing at me somewhere and this made me worse.
One day l just lost it with him in a crowded car park and loudly asked him what sort of a man laughs at his clearly distressed wife rather than just wave or stand up to let her know where he was. I was raging and he's never done it since and always makes himself known now like a normal person.

CristalTipps · 10/06/2018 15:55

He's gaslighting you.

Bahhhhhumbug · 10/06/2018 17:12

Yes l agree with cristal it is gaslighting isn't it when you think about it, making you believe you're the awkward one when he's being deliberately awkward.

swingofthings · 10/06/2018 17:17

Couldn't you have started with them and then turned around when it was too much? He sounds like he is frustrated that your weight is holding you back from the normal things families do together. As it is often the case, the frustration came out in a way that was not helpful.

TERFragetteCity · 10/06/2018 17:32

He sounds like he is frustrated that your weight is holding you back from the normal things families do together. As it is often the case, the frustration came out in a way that was not helpful.

No he doesn't - he sounds as if he used the OP's walk to make her look bad whilst he looks like a hero.

Gemini69 · 10/06/2018 17:39

Well done on your walking OP... even in this heat... you did good.. Flowers

your Husband was being a Prick... and no he was certainly not being nice Hmm

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