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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend cheating with escorts

65 replies

Daisyblue101 · 10/06/2018 13:19

We have been together for 3.5 years. He's 42 and I'm 10 years younger. No kids or mortgage together.

October last year I found out he has been using escorts. (Had to access his email to check Sainsbury's home delivery and found a dodgy email from one of working girls.) I managed to gather a fair amount of information however, no 100proc evidence. His text to them asking where they based or what service they offer etc. Obviously was devastated and was blaming myself, even tried to wear sexy lingerie and showed more initiative in bed, sent him dirty pictures. I didn't confront him for about 1.5 months because had some serious deadlines and he was depressed so didn't want to spin situation out of control.

Where I mentioned it to him (yes, I onlyentioned not wanting to hurt his feelings) he denied it.. left to travel with work and got me flowers on return.

I didn't have strength to bring up the topic again. I still don't. He can get emotionally abusive very quickly. I don't know how to force myself to bring it up. I believe he feels he's in a situation where he can cheat on me be abusive and get away with it. I don't see the future in this relationship if we don't talk about the cheating and abuse problem. I can't come to terms with leaving him either even I know I should.

It's hard. Has anyone been in a situation like this and how shall I force myself to change things. It's not good just let things like that happen without any consequences.

OP posts:
Juells · 11/06/2018 14:13

Never heard of CCTV cameras inside a normal house. Do the cameras not cover the entrances from the outside? Who came up with the plan to put the cameras inside?

Daisyblue101 · 11/06/2018 14:26

Yes, outside cameras cover all entrances. It's his house only so it wasn't something he discussed with me in detail. I'm pretty sure the company that installed everything might have suggested it and he agreed or he might have requested for it separately.

OP posts:
Juells · 11/06/2018 14:30

Never heard of such a thing.

Munchyseeds · 11/06/2018 17:28

Just leave.. it really is that simple
Good luck

Whocansay · 11/06/2018 19:23

This piece of shit does not deserve a conversation. You said yourself if you try, he will become abusive, so why bother? You won't get the truth from him. He can't even extend you the courtesy of being faithful. Get your friend round, pack your stuff and leave.

You are 32 and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste another second with this cocklodging arsehole. He will not miraculously change into a decent human being after a chat.

futurefallingapart · 11/06/2018 19:30

Going through this exact same thing at the moment. I haven’t confronted yet. I’m getting my ducks in a row first. You don’t have children or any commitments to this man. Please leave you deserve so much more

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/06/2018 19:43

Some people seem to love kicking the OP when she's down. It can be so hard to end these type of relationships & YY to focusing on the practical side of things only.

You wouldnt say to an anorexic "well just eat something" or to a suicidal person "cheer up & pull yourself together".

So to someone gathering the strength to leave an abuser, please lets not knock her self esteem anymore. Just my personal opinion you dont have to agree.

Daisyblue101 · 11/06/2018 20:48

@Wavescrashingonthebeach thank you. I understand that for some people I might sound tedious. A friend of mine doesn't understand me either. She's obviously being kind to me but she doesn't get why I can't just pack together with her and just walk away.

OP posts:
Daisyblue101 · 11/06/2018 20:55

@MMmomDD yup, I know his profile on ukpunting and keep on following him. He spends a lot of time there. In a way I can't wait for him to post a review so that I have a crisp evidence (even surely he would think of 100lies to tell me)

I'm pretty liberal too when it comes to strip clubs and even some innocent flirting. It really doesn't bother me that much. However ongoing whoring when we're only less than 3yrs into relationship is not acceptable. Plus he treats me like an absolute piece of shite. I want to have a baby one day, there's no way this is going to happen while I'm with him.

OP posts:
Daisyblue101 · 11/06/2018 21:00

@futurefallingapart I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Everything will be ok at the end Flowers

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/06/2018 21:18

Daisy Ive been there in that sense of inertia & hopelessness, that you havent even got the strength to get off the couch nevermind pack your bags & go. So its frustrating when people tell you it's "easy" to leave. It isnt. But future you is wanting to shake you with frustration. Honestly when you look back you will just be like "why didnt i do this sooner!".
And please PLEASE stop thinking about needing 100% evidence off these sites. You dont need it. You know you dont want to be with him. Get on yellow pages, find a man&van with decent reviews, throw all your things in bin bags & get yourself safe x

MMmomDD · 12/06/2018 09:32

Daisy - if he has a profile on UK Punting - it’s ALL the proof you need.
You don’t need to wait for him posing a review.
🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Myheartbelongsto · 12/06/2018 10:02

Imagine him contacting them and then meeting them and she asked him what he wants and off they go.

Then he finishes, wipes his dick and comes home to you. Also, where has his mouth been!

It's sickening!

Don't be a mug op for God sake.

You need to confide in people in real life.

Myheartbelongsto · 12/06/2018 10:04

I once told my boyfriend to fuck off because he'd given his ex girlfriend a lift. He knew he shouldn't have done it. Set your bar higher cos right now it's on the floor.

Limpopobongo · 17/06/2018 21:39

Just a bit of advice to the OP from a man. Get rid of him asap.

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