Pregnat, but H wants to separate as a couple, but to stay living together

[fvyara]

We have been together for 14 years, since children. We have a 6 years old boy and now I'm pregnant with a girl. Two years ago we had a marriage crisis when he fell for another woman, but nothing happened between them, and we overcome it. We became closer, our sex life improved, but we still had ups and downs. Now the story is repeating, but this time this woman is actually interest in my H, she is much older than him and just wants to have fun,so does my H. When I found out he told me it's just sexual and that she is just a friend, they talk a lot about life and staff lime that and of course have sex, but he doesn't want to leave me, he doesn't want another wife. And at first I agreed, as long as he comes home every night and I receive the love and support that I deserve from him. But thing quickly changed, now he wants his freedom,, not to be with her, but to be financially independent, to get his life together, he wants to pursue his dreams and so on. But he doesn't want to leave our son and me pregnant, so we decided to stay living together as friends for now. He obviously hurt me a lot, he broke my heart again and I am emotionally really bad right now. I want us to be friends, but I slill see him as my H, I slill love him deeply and seeing him every day growing apart from me is awful. I just wanted to share and ask fir any advice or just moral support...

He's not hour husband and he sure as shit isn't hour friend.

You're being an absolute mug here OP.

Sorry.

Your. Stupid tablet.

What.......wow I'm speechless...no way would I put up with that...he's treating you very badly ..incase you hadn't noticed...

Yeah, you need a clean break. This is never going to be anything other than him messing you around until you go completely nuts unless you put on your big girl pants and tell him you’re not ok with the plan and he needs to pack his bags and go, now.

Your son especially needs you to be as strong as you can be right now. Don’t stay in this situation and crumble.

I cannot fathom why you’d do this to yourself. I’m sorry for the shitty situation you’re in - it’s awful but won’t be improved by living together.

He’s having his cake and eating it right now! Stability of a wife at home with all of those benefits eg no housework and getting his thrills with illicit shagging. If you really want a shot at getting him back (god knows why after his behaviour) you should make him live on his own. Nothing takes the shine off illicit shagging than having to wash his filthy underpants. Make him stand on his own two feet and he might actually realise what an idiot he has been

Why are letting him decide what happening. Why are allowing him to have his cake and eat it.

Tell him to leave, you don't need the stress while your pregnant. The only reason he wants to stay is because he doesn't want to be known that he left his pregnant wife and child.

Good grief woman. Get some self respect. He doesn't love you and he's sitting all over you. You need to get angry and grieve the end of this relationship.

I am lost for words... I just wanna shake you and tell you woman wake up you deserve better than this!

Don't do it have the strength to tell him if he wants independence he needs to move out, he can still support you and the kids.
Realise that this agreement is toxic and not at all right around children.

I'm really sorry Op, but you need to ask him to leave. Your marriage is over and you will find it harder to accept all the time you are living together. He doesn't get to make all the decisions here, he cannot expect you to switch from wife to friend mode just because he wants it. You need to find your anger and kick him out, then see a solicitor to protect yourself. Oh, and you should get yourself checked out for STIs.

So he wants an unpaid houseskeeper, unpaid nanny and live the life of Riley shagging his chuckle and playing Disney dad when it suits him?
F* that!
What happens to you?
What happens to your body?
Your health?
Your career?
Your social life?
Your self-esteem?
Not to mention what about financial restitution? ?
Divorce him - go for legal advice TOMORROW.
You deserve so much more than this despicable cheating scum! Your children deserve to have decent self respecting behaviour modelled for them.
You do not deserve to be treated this way!

Divorce him. What are you teaching your children here, in terms of how to treat other people and what to stand for.

You deserve so much better than this. He is not your friend.

He wants to have his cake and eat it - you, your ds and future dd are the fallback for when he tires of his ow, at least until the next one comes along.

Oh no OP. No. You and your children are worth SO much more than this.

He is treating you terribly. What he’s done is unforgivable and he’s a bad mean selfish person.

You can manage fine without him. It won’t be easy and his timing is shocking. But you’ll die inside if you don’t start putting yourself first.

Are you in the UK?

Whenever people don't generally do something then there is a good reason. People dont usually carry on living together after a break up despite all the advantages there often might be. That tells you something. Its not a good idea and it only works for madly unconventional hippies who believe in free love and smoke loads of weed. If that's not you then kick his cheating ass out on the street and get the locks changed asap.

I could have written that post myself when pregnant with DC2.

I couldn't face splitting up while pregnant so hung on in the miserable relationship until DC2 was 3 months old. Then I finally had enough energy (and little enough love left) to throw him out.

Today I'm happily married to a lovely DH who is kind and faithful. Ex and I get on ok and he's remained involved with the kids. The only regret I have is that I didn't end things sooner. But it is hard, really hard, to finish things with someone you still love and face the rest of pregnancy and birth alone, and to have to tell everyone. Take care of yourself

Say what... ?

Get legal advice.

He’s not your friend

He’s out looking after number one.

Get legal advice.

Make sure you have access to money and he can’t drain family finances.

This sounds like a ton crap, for you.

Start getting angry, rally around friends and family and take of yourself.

What about your dreams? Bin the selfish, disrespectful piece of shit.

Get shot of him. And get yourself your self esteem back! What an absolute bastard he is to treat you like this. You deserve so much better.

How can you recover with him there in the house, reminding you all the time?
How can you move on, or build a new life for yourself and the DC?
He's not being fair. Tell him to go!

Please ask him to leave. This is not on. When you have your little girl you will be at home with her and wondering what he's getting up to, it won't be good for your mental health - you may wonder it anyway if you split up but at least he won't be coming into the family home. He's a low-life and you deserve better.