Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnat, but H wants to separate as a couple, but to stay living together

40 replies

fvyara · 09/06/2018 19:15

We have been together for 14 years, since children. We have a 6 years old boy and now I'm pregnant with a girl. Two years ago we had a marriage crisis when he fell for another woman, but nothing happened between them, and we overcome it. We became closer, our sex life improved, but we still had ups and downs. Now the story is repeating, but this time this woman is actually interest in my H, she is much older than him and just wants to have fun,so does my H. When I found out he told me it's just sexual and that she is just a friend, they talk a lot about life and staff lime that and of course have sex, but he doesn't want to leave me, he doesn't want another wife. And at first I agreed, as long as he comes home every night and I receive the love and support that I deserve from him. But thing quickly changed, now he wants his freedom,, not to be with her, but to be financially independent, to get his life together, he wants to pursue his dreams and so on. But he doesn't want to leave our son and me pregnant, so we decided to stay living together as friends for now. He obviously hurt me a lot, he broke my heart again and I am emotionally really bad right now. I want us to be friends, but I slill see him as my H, I slill love him deeply and seeing him every day growing apart from me is awful. I just wanted to share and ask fir any advice or just moral support...

OP posts:
Bellabutterfly2016 · 09/06/2018 19:55

That's awful OP;

He needs throwing out and divorcing
I'm sorry it's a no-brainer

Plenty of people go it alone and do a great job parenting

Be kind to yourself and your kids - you deserve better

InProgress · 09/06/2018 19:55

So he gets a girlfriend he can shag whenever he wants, goes out when he wants, he keeps his own money, and has someone to cook, clean, look after his children and wash his dirty pants.

You on the other hand... where's your nights out and financial freedom? Do you want to have a life cooking, cleaning and washing for a man who has checked out emotionally but is relying on feeding you breadcrumbs to keep you just enough emotionally attached to make his life comfy? Then once he's feathered his own nest he can be off without a backward glance because he's told you how it would be and you stayed.

Breakups are difficult but sometimes they are a necessity.

MrsElijahMikaelson · 09/06/2018 19:55

You should have more respect for yourself than this OP.

This man does not love you or respect you. He know he'll be a dick to leave a pregnant wife and child so he just wants his cake and eat it and your letting him!

Your being a complete mug and doormat. I'd rather do it on my own than live in the same house as that piece of shit.

Wordie · 09/06/2018 19:58

What a shit position he’s put you in!!!

I 💯 agree with @fuzzywuzzy ‘s comment! You need to get legal advice before confronting him! You deserve better than this. You may feel like you have a loyalty to him because you’ve been together a long time. He has shown no loyalty to you!

Get rid of him!

Orangecake123 · 09/06/2018 20:01

You deserve so much better than this. Pack his bags and let him be "free". He's taking the piss. You are not friends. What happens when he starts bringing the other women over seeing as your only flatmates now? He has shown that he has zero respect you. You owe him nothing.

Yes it will hurt like hell for now, but one day you will wake up and honestly thank yourself for taking that painful step.

Honeyroar · 09/06/2018 20:13

Everyone has said it all already. But if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. This is a toxic way for them to grow up, seeing daddy routinely treat mummy like shit and her accept it.

Lifeunexpected · 09/06/2018 20:14

I'm currently separating from my H, after a long term relationship. We have a young DS.

I found this quote today. I found it valuable. Clarity in your head takes time. It's your decision to make, no one else's. Thanks

Pregnat, but H wants to separate as a couple, but to stay living together
eightfacesofthemoon · 09/06/2018 20:39

Get him the fuck out of town. Now.
What a fucking cunt

fvyara · 09/06/2018 20:40

We live in the UK, but we are from abroad. We live alone, no relatives here. I depend financially on him. I've just started my maternity leave and the money I'm receiving are not enough. I do want a clean break, but I can not stress with that now, I ha e less than two months till my due date. He didn't decide everything in his own, we talked a lot, like two group up people. It's obvious that our marriage is over and I don't want him anymore, I won't make the same mistake as I did two years ago. I don't know, all my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. I actually can't even be angry at him, even when I found out about the OW, it's like deep down I knew this would happen, but obviously not now that I am pregnant. I realise how insane this sounds. I want to have my life back, not to depend on anyone, to be able to take care of my children, but I don't see how at this point. If my family was here, I would have moved out already, but as I mentioned we are alone here and I don't want to go back to my country. My son is happy here, he likes his school, his friends, he has even forgotten our native language. It is such a complicated situation.

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 09/06/2018 20:49

Show him the door and bolt it after him.

Don't be a fool to yourself fvyara.

HeddaGarbled · 09/06/2018 21:14

If you divorce (and you should), he will have to pay maintenance for the children and you will be legally entitled to a substantial share of the marital assets (house, savings, his pension). I suspect he knows this which is why he wants to live like a single man whilst staying married.

fvyara · 09/06/2018 21:15

Thank you all for the comments, just reading them made me feel stronger. Afret so many ears together I have forgotten who am I, my dreams, my interest. I had this blind illusion of happy and strong family and I was trying to make it happen. All I want now is the atmosphere in this home to remain as calm as possible until I give birth and then to start getting my life back. My mom will be staying with us for a month to help me with the baby. I am sure she will be my moral support.

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 09/06/2018 21:15

He moves out. You sort out your finances and see what you can claim. He pays you some money.
Get LEGAL advice NOW . It’s never as bad as it looks

expatinscotland · 09/06/2018 21:25

Sorry but I'd leave, go back home for a visit and then don't come back. And tell them all why, too. Because if you don't have the legal right to stay in the UK in your own right, you could find yourself being deported whilst he keeps the kids.

He's a cunt.

The stress he's putting you through now is far worse than when he's out of your life not rubbing your nose in his fucking around.

Maelstrop · 09/06/2018 23:08

Kick him out. He needs to pay for your children, though.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page