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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

In laws invited us for a birthday (we live 3.5 hrs away) and asked us to arrive 4 hours early to help set up!

26 replies

Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 17:44

Ok so how would u feel if your in laws invited you to theirs next weekend to celebrate your oh's nieces 1st birthday (their grand child) .. you live 3.5 hours away and work full time. Leaving work at 530 pm, home 630pm. Leave home 730pm and arrive at 10pm after a v. long day/week of work plus the travel. They ask that u arrive the fri night so u can get up early with them sat morn to prep and set up the party... reeling off a whole list of things theyll need you to do. Now of course im happy to help on the day a bit b4 the start but i dont like that my MIL has told us in this way... we are invited for a party, we are full time working parents who live hubdreds of miles away... is she taking the pi**? How would u feel?

OP posts:
CocoAndTheChocolates · 09/06/2018 17:45

I'd feel they were winding me up! Not a chance!

MuddyForestWalks · 09/06/2018 17:46

Why the actual fuck does a 1yos party require 4 hours of setting up?? Say nah. Have takeaway at home on the friday, head up earylish the next day.

Hissy · 09/06/2018 17:47

Swerve the whole thing.

Sounds like a whole lot of torture.

Original poster
Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 17:48

Thank u both! Thats what i want to do! I'll be exhausted fri night! Im thinking of arriving an hour b4 lol.. ha ha!

OP posts:
TorviBrightspear · 09/06/2018 17:48

Not a chance! You don't have to do much for a 1st birthday, sounds like they're being OTT.

BossWitch · 09/06/2018 17:48

"Oh I'm sorry, we have tickets to x on that day, hope the party goes well, present in the post!"

The end.

Auntpetunia2015 · 09/06/2018 17:48

Party for 1 year old. Set up by 1 year old parents and nobody else. Don’t do it. What will the parents be doing , enjoying a lazy morning with their pfb while you sort stuff out for them. Just say nope. See you at the party

Original poster
Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 17:49

If it was my in laws 70th party sure! But uts a kids 1st birthday! The parents are going way ott and the grand parents are having to do a lot of it and theyre dragging us in!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 17:54

Thanks all. I wouldnt dream of demanding that from guests who live 3.5 hrs away...id be grateful they just turned up 4 the party!!!

OP posts:
MuddyForestWalks · 09/06/2018 17:54

God no. Lay down boundaries now before you're selling your home to.pay for the 13th birthday diamonds or something. Keep it really simple. "We're not able to travel on the Friday. See you on Sat morning.xx"

And if you leave at 7.30pm and its a 3.5hr journey you'll arrive at 11pm not 10, and that's assuming its 3.5hrs with Fri evening traffic taken into account.

eddielizzard · 09/06/2018 18:32

absolutely not. in fact you might find that you can't make the party at all now.

crispysausagerolls · 09/06/2018 18:32

I wouldn't pretend to have tickets or other plans, I would just say no! CF

Sophiesdog11 · 09/06/2018 19:31

How would I feel - I would tell them where to go, wouldn't even be going to a first birthday party 3.5hrs away - why on earth are you even considering going to it. Believe it or not, no kid remembers their first birthday, any celebration is for parents only!

My DS's first birthday considered of him and the closest friend from ante-natal group, having tea whilst we had pizza with parents. No GPs or aunties etc in sight, although they had been weekend before for christening. But no one came early to help even for that.

DD was born on same day as that friend's sister, I cant even remember their first birthday but I think it was a similar mini tea party at the friends house!

We are about 3hrs away from all relatives, never went to any birthday parties of nieces and nephew, all adults now.

Why do you feel you need to go to the party, Op? Are your PIL pressurising you to go, if so you need to stop being a MUG as this will only get worse as DN gets older. I am guessing she is PFB GC?

Original poster
Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 20:59

Thanks everyone.. really appreciate the replies! I dont feel so bad now telling my oh id prefer to go sat morn! To answer a few qs My OH is very very close to his family and likes to visit them once a month/every 6 weeks/ his mum badgers for visits etc.

Ive said to my oh its just a 1st birthday! Shouldnt be such a huge deal but nobway would he miss it. The baby was born with health probs but pulled through (previously they suffered a MC) .. shes the only grandchild etc.. im happy to go but i just feel its rude that they tellbus to arrivr fri night so we can get up early sat to help prep..weve been told theres lots to do!

After these helpful replies i'll tell my oh we can leave 8am sat and not before!

Id never dream of inviting them to a party at mine making them trek all that way denanding they arrive the day b4 to organise it 4 me.. esp as i work ft, have a child etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Sounsure777 · 09/06/2018 21:06

Ps whats ... PFB GC??

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 09/06/2018 22:12

Precious first born grandchild..... l think Grin

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2018 22:19

How’s the baby the first precious grandchild if your FT working parents? Is your DC from a previous relationship?

Anyway, doesn’t matter! Arrive Saturday. Let ILs sort party with the baby’s parents. Hold firm!

Auntpetunia2015 · 09/06/2018 22:50

Pfb = precious first born GC = grandchild

What times does part start? ..aim to be there 30 mins before and no more. Hope your DH has told his parents you’re not going

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/06/2018 23:04

Is your child not also their grandchild?

That aside, if your partner wants to drive hundreds of miles for a party that’s lovely but after a long week there’s no reason you have to go as well. I’ve got a big family that loves a do but I don’t expect my husband to go to everything!

NickyNora · 10/06/2018 00:57

Its the Op Niece.

Yanbu Op!

MapleLeafRag · 10/06/2018 09:06

I would cancel going to the party, just don’t join in with this controlling nonsense. Why is the granny hosting the party anyway?

My MIL organised almost of her local grandchildren’s birthday parties “as she was better hostess than SIL and had a nicer house with a bigger garden”, (amongst other stuff).

Now that they’re grown up, the GC can see how much she snubbed and controlled their mother and they have little to do with her.

SuitedandBooted · 10/06/2018 10:19

If it was Great-Granny's 100th, loads of guests were coming from overseas, and the hosts were way out of their depth, I might consider going early,

But no way for this. It's a FIRST birthday - the baby won't remember anything about it! Planning this is all down to the parents, and the GP's too if they want. Go at a time that suits you, and enjoy it.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 10/06/2018 10:23

4hrs to set up??
Surely for a 1st birthday all you need to do is pull a swiss roll/Colin caterpillar out of a box?

What will the baby's parents be doing?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 10/06/2018 12:50

What CF! It’s a kid’s 1st birthday, not a Royal Wedding.

StealthPolarBear · 10/06/2018 12:55

It wasn't the op who said pfb gc. Clearly she can't be (unless ops child is younger)