1st date next weekend - too soon?

[foreverday]

So I left my abusive partner at the start of the year, i vowed I would spend this year repairing myself
I feel a mess..my ex threw me and my lo out after moving in with him and giving up everything for our future. I had nothing. I spent all my savings on a new place to rent, furnish and now struggling to even survive monthly on working paying the bills and trying to be a good mum

Anyway I've agreed to a date and although everyone is telling to go for it, I'm so scared !
I've no confidence, I feel a mess
I do have that lonely feeling and when lo is in bed or at her dads I do feel sad
This guy I've never met but we've messaged a lot and I've told him a bit about my ex and he seems to understand
He also has kids and has a free weekend like me next weekend so I've said yes to meeting up
Shall I go? Even though I don't feel ready

Oh and also my ex who is blocked but only recently because we tried to be friends as he owes me money
I've decided that is not helping me move on so he's blocked
But I'm worried because he always said stuff like we will be together no matter what and he would never think I would meet someone else as he knew how much I loved him

I'm panicking right now, shall I leave this date ?

I would definitely go, enjoy yourself, take your mind off things and go with an open mind, be very honest with yourself in the days that follow though about what you are ready for and what you are not.

Take things slowly and it might be perfect, if not make sure you can still bow out gracefully.

I think you should just go. It might not work out, it might help you see that your not ready but getting out and having a bit of fun and conversation might be just what you need.

Definitely go. It’ll do you good to get out and have some fun! And going on a date will help build confidence.

It’s a date, not marriage ;) if all that comes of it is meeting a nice man who might become a friend, and getting out of the house for a bit, that’s a success in my book.

You've nothing to lose by going on this date.
You might enjoy yourself.
It could be that he becomes a good friend rather than anything else.
It's been 6 months.
If you realise after that it's not what you want you can just let him know you aren't ready yet.

Ah thanks peeps
Lovely responses
I've told him a fair bit and he says he had a bit of a bad time a while ago and understands so I'm the same thinking maybe just meet someone nice and if it's a friend I make than that's a bonus
Ok so I'm going - just wish it was this weekend now x

I say go for it! It's only date one, and if you like him and he's good for you, he'll be happy to take it slow for you.

I'm going against the grain and saying no. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I've seen too many people say that, go on a date with someone, get swept along, start seeing them, then a couple of months later pull back because "I'm not ready" and the other person feels hurt.

I'm a little bit on shatners side as you don't sound ready yet.... but if you keep your feet on the ground and don't get swept along then why not go for it and hopefully enjoy yourself. Please just be cautious and take it slowly as you really dont need a second load of rubbish and whilst I've not done online dating there seem to be some real sharks out there!!

I think it's too soon .

Hmm that's why I've come on here to see both sides
I'm not ready for a relationship and there's no way I would be swept along and after what I've been though I couldn't bear anymore upset
It's not online dating. It's someone I met through work but I don't work with him, we've just been talking on email, we clicked and then swapped numbers after a few emails went back and forth and have been talking but purely as friends. It's only the last few texts he suggested a drink which is now a date. It's been purely friendly and no flirting which I'm cool with
He's only said stuff like he thinks I'm pretty as he found me on fb lol but we aren't connected or anything. And we've spoken a fair bit actually so we know a lot about each other
He did say he had a messy divorce and is still going through the courts but I also have baggage
He said about a friendship if anything so that's what I feel comfortable enough
But I'm far too scared for online dating !
I'm guessing I won't know until I go
He knows I don't want a relationship and if he does then he knows upfront
I have kids so does he so it's only going to be every other weekend I can see him and he might think it's just a bit of fun but I'm not up for just casual fun if you know what I mean ! X

It's been purely friendly and no flirting

He's only said stuff like he thinks I'm pretty

Um..... Anyone else see the contradiction there?

Lol ok fair enough I just mean not overly then !! X

He knows I don't want a relationship

Just a bit of fun but I'm not up for just casual fun

I think you sound confused and conflicted about what you want from this and what you're expecting him to want. Statements like the above, combined with the feelings of rejection, loneliness and lack of confidence you describe in your opening post - honestly, I think you're going to end up more hurt and rejected when this guy's interpretation and expectations of "fun" don't match your own.

If you feel like you'd like to go on the date, do. But it really sounds like you need to have a good sort through your mental baggage and get a bit more emotionally literate with yourself before you pursue anything further. Feeling lonely and rejected makes you very vulnerable to accepting crumbs of attention because you want to feel cared for and wanted. He may well have good intentions and not be out to hurt or take advantage of you but equally not realise exactly where you are in how you feel and do so unintentionally.

I appreciate what you are saying but I don't agree with some of what you've said.

What I'm saying is, my interpretation of fun is spending time with someone, filling the void when I'm on my own when little one is at her dads which to be honest is only 1 day and 1 night very other weekend
Spending time with someone, having a bit of a laugh and letting my hair down
Not just shagging is what I meant as I know someone people just want that
My friend has a fuck buddy who she sees every other weekend and that's enough for her

When I say I don't want a relationship I don't want to jump into one as I'm not ready is what I mean

What I am ready for is to move on, build my confidence, be happy, and if this guy isn't the best way and it's not meant to be then I won't know that until I've gone on at least a drink.

I'm still going to go and not live in the past as that's what I've been doing

I feel like I can't get any more rock bottom
The only way is up

X

So what was the point in asking then?

Wow because I don't agree with some of the comments from the last poster if you have to ask that, you clearly don't get it

You sound incredibly vulnerable and quite defensive. Personally from what you've posted I would be extremely careful about both going on a date and opening up about an abusive relationship to someone you don't know.
I done the same and ended up with the biggest bastard of the lot who then used it all against me.
Watch out for red flags from him, take it slow And don't go looking for a guy to fill your self worth. Good luck

Maybe I am but I'm not silly. I haven't told him everything but I have told him enough
But I do take your comments on board. I will be very careful of course.
I've been thinking long and hard about it and I do want to go. I feel it's been long enough to be able to look forward to something
I'm defensive to the poster who said why am I asking then because I think that's quite a rude statement
From people who have read and understood my question which a lot of people have done then there's not much to not understand

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience - enough to put you off

I will definitely update how it went x

In your OP, you've written that you "feel a mess" - twice. You're still enmeshed with your ex, and concerned about how he might respond. You've only just blocked him.

You're "not ready for a relationship" and you're "lonely". In your own words, you're "filling the void".

Problem is, no one can fill that void. There's a reason for the void. I'm going to suggest that there's a part of you that will do anything not to deal with that void. Instead, you're going to justify your way into a relationship friendship.

Moreover, you're contradicting yourself.

I think you're going to go ahead and do it, and perhaps that's what you need. It might not end up being what you want, though. You still have to learn to live with yourself.

opening up about an abusive relationship to someone you don't know. I also would advise not telling someone you've just met that you were in an abusive relationship.

Have to learn to live with myself ?!
Blimey I'm hurt from a horrible relationship, I've been single 5 months, I'm lonely when lo is at her dads for the 1 night in 11 and for the 11 days I do everything alone, work pretty much full time and hold it together - I feel a mess as I have no time or money to make myself feel a bit better- ie treating my self to get my nails / hair done every now and then which I used to love doing and I thought going for a drink with a guy who has been nothing but understanding over the chats we have had might be a nice idea

I think just go and see what happens, after one date if you dont enjoy it you can just say so and if he is so terribly upset then he was a nutter anyway!

You asked for people's opinions. I'm not sure why you asked when you clearly don't want to hear them?

If it were me and a potential date opened up to me about their abusive experiences that were so recent I wouldn't date them because I'd understand they were in too vulnerable a position still.

Yeah I will I guess I won't know unless I try

See I don't see it like that but everyone is entitled to their opinions

Yes I asked but I don't specifically agree with your opinion that's all