Hubby and women

[lovecoffee2]

I don't know if I'm being silly but my hubby always looks at women not on occasion but all the time. I know men do but it's to the extreme. I'm not confident so it really doesn't help me. That sad he is really confident. I have spoken to him and he says he people watches. I have never known anyone to people watch like that! If we are out he is so busy looking iv got to the point of saying I'm not going. We are due to have a meal out this week. Iv never noticed other men but I am now which I think is strange. I'm sure it's me overreacting and that's how he makes me feel. I do find it hard to deal with. Any comments?

What in a leery creepy way or just generally looking in their direction?

I think there’s a difference.

Sometimes leery 😱 makes me feel creepy.

All men don't do this. It's awful behaviour. Doesn't he realise that the majority of women don't like being leered over and we tend to think men that do this are pathetic and need to grown up.

You deserve to be treated better

Yes I guess men are men it's just a case of dealing with it

I explained what women think when men do it but he said he people watches! 😬🙄

Iv told him it's not on

Other day I noticed a guy and think my hubby noticed. I'm sure he was shocked as Iv never noticed men before. I guess most women are different.

No, men aren’t just men in that they can’t help themselves leer at women.

Your husband is odd. Have you told him you don’t like it?

What did he say when you mentioned it?

Iv told him he's odd. He's great in all other ways. I know I'm not perfect but I find it hard to deal with.

He didn't answer

Then tell him want you want as he has no opinion and no reason. Tell him to stop it as it’s degrading, rude and makes him look a twat.

I have tho. He even likes sitting in places so he can see who comes in. Best view. All madness to me

No matter how much I don't like it he will do it. If I say I know a women that likes a place that we pass he will then spend time looking as he passes to see if he sees her! I now don't mention I know anyone who lives somewhere we pass

Erm no...saying 'men are just men' is a piss poor excuse. My DH would NEVER do this full stop even if he was on his own. It's one thing to notice in passing that someone is attractive but actively seeking it out and leering is disgusting behaviour. To then minimise it when you bring it up is just disrespectful to you.

Don'r retaliate by behaving in the same way . Explain again how it make you feel and how it makes him look. If he still doesn't take it on board then i guess you have to question if you want to be in a relationship with someone who actively disrespects you and other women and has such a negative effect on your self esteem.

You can’t live like that!

I love people watching and always notice a hot man how can someone not notice other people when looking around??? Doesn't mean I'm gonna run after him or disrespecting my husband.

Yes your both right.

My dad used to do the same to my mum but not to this extreme

I just thought it was a common thing with men and needed to find a way of dealing with it

I need to think.

Thank you for your replies

Thank you. I assume your husband does the same. Iv never noticed men until recently but think cause my husband is always looking I'm now looking at men.

Do you still have conversations when you are people watching and having a coffee or too busy looking around?

I like people watching, but looking at men in a speculative way isn't something I'd do. If your husband is leering at women, regardless of whether you're with him, he's a bit of a creep. I would feel quite uncomfortable if I was unlucky enough to be the recipient of his attentions.

It's a disrespectful habit. Here's a good article: lisamerlobooth.com/when-your-partner-flirts-or-ogles-in-front-of-you/

I would only really notice this If my dh was commenting eh corr look at her, she’s attractive etc etc. If he was just people watching then I can’t see anything wrong in that,

I love people watching and do notice if I see an attractive man. What I wouldn’t do though is point out to dh that said attractive man has a nice arse etc. That would be disrespectful.

But no matter how he’s doing it or what he’s saying about it, the fact it makes you feel uncomfortable means that you need to have a frank discussion about it.

Has he always done it or hasn't it bothered you before? You call him DH implying you are months/years into the relationship so would you have known this when you married?

There's a big difference between people watching and leering. Sounds like he's doing the latter. If he can't understand why it upsets you then he has zero respect for you.

i agree about looking at others is normal but out of respect dont do corner stares and leering looks infront of your partner..its just total disrespect.

Yes he has always done it. From people I have spoken to it's normal for men and women to look but at times I feel it's a bit much. I agree if someone looks good male or female no harm. Although Iv never really noticed men and Iv never people watched. Iv just never done this people watch thing which is when I feel he is leering but maybe to people watch as in what they are doing one has to.