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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I decide what to do?

52 replies

Andijustknew · 04/06/2018 19:51

I'm pretty sure my marriage is not going to last. At best I think we limp on a few more years. Life's not horrible. It's pretty good really and generally I am happy. I'm happy in my life but not in my marriage.
He's not the love of my life, we're not best friends. I'm fond of him sometimes, and sometimes so full of resentment I could cheerfully never see him again.
He's away for a few days and I won't miss him at all I never do.
It's not just love gone cold, over the years he has at times (frequently) treated me badly. It came to a head in the summer and I told him it was over. I had the chance to leave but didnt take it. He promised to change and to be honest he's done all I've asked.
He's changed his behaviour but he hasn't really changed as a person. I'm beginning to think that I've stopped loving him and there's no way back now.
Do I just be honest with him? Or do I keep my cards to my chest a bit longer? With the benefit of waiting being I'd be better off financially and kids (10 and 5) would be older.
I'd particularly like it if DS was old enough not to 'have' to see his dad if he didn't want to as they clash.
We have a family holiday booked in a few weeks which will be nice and we'll all enjoy it. But at the same time i'm not looking forward to the fact I have to keep up the pretence with DH that i'm in love with him.
Anyone been in a similar position? Any advice?

OP posts:
hopefullybettersoon · 13/01/2019 00:47

OP was just thinking about you and wondering how you're getting on? This thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3436114-Anyone-else-know-they-need-to-split-but-either-too-chicken-to-go-through-or-delaying-for-other-reasons made me think of you. I was here under a different username and I'm pleased to say that I've finally bitten the bullet and left him. It feels so much better...

Homer101 · 13/01/2019 09:13

Similar situation for me but I’m the husband not the wife. Again it’s the Children’s lives that I’m having difficulty with. Me not being there every night to say good night and the kids on Their forhead. The spending less time with them. The hurt that the break up may cause them. My kids are 11 this year. They are off to secondary school in September. So there will be a natural spending less time with dad anyway. They will get the own social lives. Do their own thing. My hope is that when I leave and set up a place on my own is that they will come over after school for their tea. Stay over when they wish. Go out with their friends on Saturday and come back to mine on the night to eat and stay. Treat my place like their own. For it to be as normal as possible for them. Just like I lived with them full time.
I’m sure all these things will work out in the end. The fallout from ending the relationship is what I’m not looking forward to. I feel guilty that I’m letting people down. I feel guilty for my kids. But I know things can not go on like this much longer .
I hope you all find the strength to leave and I hope you all find the happiness your looking for .

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