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Original poster

Pregnant and not sure what to do!

34 replies

Selladoor · 04/06/2018 18:16

Oh god. I've messed up. Had a few drinks with a male friend about 3 weeks ago and one thing led to another... I've had a positive pregnancy test result. I know this guy really well and have known him for years but this was NOT planned. We're very unlikely to end up in a relationship and it's just not a good place in my life for me to have a baby... yes should have thought about this before sleeping with him and in my 30s I should have known better. What the he'll should I do, tell him? Or tell him only if I make a firm decision to continue with the pregnancy?

OP posts:
GetInMyNelly · 04/06/2018 18:21

If you decide to end the pregnancy, DO NOT tell him about the pregnancy at all.

Only tell him if you choose to go ahead.

As others say on here, there's no point telling a guy you are pregnant but having a termination. It could be tough on the guy if he actually wanted the baby.

TinDogTavern · 04/06/2018 18:26

Oh love. Flowers. GetInMyNelly is right. I’ve been in your shoes (also 30s, not a committed relationship, one-off stupidity, and I was so cross with myself for being so dumb). I had a termination, I never told him, and it was absolutely the right thing for me to do.

There will be people who say he has a right to know. I disagree, and think you only need to tell him if you decide to continue with the pregnancy.

Sending love to you whatever you decide x

Original poster
Selladoor · 04/06/2018 18:29

Aw thank you both for nice posts, I was prepared for a flaming!

The only thing that's making me want to tell him is I know him so well and I think if he was committed to raising the child also, it could influence my decision. And vice versa. I'm so torn!!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 04/06/2018 18:35

I’d start from the position of ‘do I want the baby?’ If ‘yes’, then you need to start making decisions and tell him.

If ‘no’ I’d book the termination and wouldn’t tell him.

It all boils down whether you want the baby or not.

mrsshelby44 · 04/06/2018 18:35

I disagree. He has a right to know about his baby!

BipolarSunset · 04/06/2018 18:44

Ah OP. Tough one.

I personally would tell him either way.

The first thing before anything else is to decide if you want to be a Mum or not?

Good luck OP x

lifeisaboutcreatingyourself · 04/06/2018 18:45

If he is a friend I think you should tell him out of respect and so he can support you in your decision making.

It will also make him realise he needs to be more proactive in wrapping it!

Good luck

MonkeysAndPuzzles1 · 04/06/2018 18:46

I would tell him. It sounds like it may influence your decision and maybe he would be a good father.

Original poster
Selladoor · 04/06/2018 18:47

Merroldgoat, I wish I knew! I've got a 9 year old and had assumed I was done with all the baby stuff... I've got a good career, which I would obviously struggle with if I were to have a new baby... but one part of me is saying this is probably the last chance I'll get before I know I'm 100% past the baby phase! Wish the magic 8 ball was 100% guaranteed to choose the right outcome, it's just so not black and white Sad never been in this predicament before. DD was a surprise but I was young and with a long term partner at the time so there was no decision to be made at that time in my life. Thank you all again, all thoughts more than welcome!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Selladoor · 04/06/2018 18:49

Thats it, i know he's a good father already as he has a son who's 10. He's a bit of a 'lad' though so he wouldn't be prepared to halt his lifestyle completely but he would be there

OP posts:
GetInMyNelly · 04/06/2018 19:44

The only thing that's making me want to tell him is I know him so well and I think if he was committed to raising the child also, it could influence my decision. And vice versa. I'm so torn!!

In light of your new update, I'd tell him.

I only said not to if you were dead set on a termination & nothing would change your mind.

If you are in 2 minds then I'd look to telling him and see what he says.

Also, ignore other PP's who say "it's his baby too, he has a right to know".

No he doesn't, a man is not legally responsible and can make 0 choices about an unborn baby. They've 0 right to know.

Original poster
Selladoor · 04/06/2018 20:36

Thank you, GetInMyNelly. Your post is spot on!

OP posts:
mrsshelby44 · 04/06/2018 21:26

Morally yes he does.

Original poster
Selladoor · 05/06/2018 07:50

I've told him. He lives close and we chatted for a bit when he was passing. Realised I wanted to tell him either way. Was a total wuss and text him later on though Blush He was lovely and wants to meet this weekend to discuss. Thanks all for your responses. Big decision to be made!!

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 05/06/2018 08:02

@Selladoor a tough choice and whatever you decide.

You may want to get this moved to pregnancy choices? Lots of ladies in similar situations.

I wish you well and good luck in whatever you decide. For what it's worth I'm glad you told your friend.

ThanksThanks

lifeisaboutcreatingyourself · 05/06/2018 08:53

Good luck x

Original poster
Selladoor · 07/06/2018 14:57

Meeting up with him later to talk properly. He's been lovely asking if I'm ok but hasn't actually have any indication of what he wants the outcome to be. Terrified, and I can't even have a gin to help with my nerves!

OP posts:
dilly123 · 07/06/2018 16:26

Was in the very same position 7 years ago almost to the day!! 🤣
I knew he would not react well but underestimated his venom.. I chose to have my son I knew I'd be going it alone already had a dd who was 9 also. My sons dad was true to his word & has never even so much as acknowledged ds.. it was tough emotionally & physically but we made it.. ds is a happy, well adjusted boy, I moved 60 miles away & made a new life.. having said that I wouldn't do it again!!

Original poster
Selladoor · 07/06/2018 17:05

Wow well done you! I'm lucky in that this guy is a genuinely lovely guy... that said it doesn't mean he necessarily has any desire to be a dad again!

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:14

@Selladoor hope things went well Thanks

HarmlessChap · 08/06/2018 17:05

I disagree. He has a right to know about his baby!
The embryo is part of the woman's body until such time as it born.

Men have no rights over what happens with a womans body so until such time as science provides men with the facility to carry a child to full term we have no right to know about it because there is nothing we could do should the woman choose to terminate the pregnancy against our wishes.

Slundle · 08/06/2018 17:24

Best of luck with that. Follow your heart. x

Myheartbelongsto · 08/06/2018 18:50

Its so easy to not shag or stick a condom on.

I'd get yourself to the gum clinic also.

BipolarSunset · 09/06/2018 11:47

How did it go OP? X

Clubcuts · 09/06/2018 12:02

@Myheartbelongsto , what a spectacularly unhelpful comment!

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