How long before introducing kids to new partner?

[ghosting]

I’m not at this point yet, but wondering if I met a new partner, how long should I wait before introducing them to the children?

General rule on MN is about a year.

Depends on age of kids etc. But definitely not too soon and until relationship is well established

I know lots will say wait a while and I think that's correct in most cases, but I met my husband and was pregnant within 2 months and living together within 8 months.
He met kids within about a month. I just knew it felt right and it worked out for us. It's based on individual circumstances.

Kids are 10 and 7.

Right now stbx and I have an agreement of 9 months serious relationship (i.e. not from first meeting). It's kind of random but 6 seemed too little and a year too long.

Swallow that’s good to have talked it through with your ex. My ex is still wearing his wedding ring 2 years after separating, so I think that discussing future partners would be totally beyond him. But it’s definitely something to think about.

It really depends on your own situation. The biggest problem for some single parents is actually having the opportunity to date and really get to know someone without the kids in tow.

For myself it was 4 months of seeing him on my own . But as this meant only every other weekend when they went to their fathers, it wasn't a very 'real' situation. You can't tell what someone is really like in the weird world of a 'non child weekend' bubble because that's how I lived.

After 4 months he met mine (no problems) and I met his (volcanic eruption that has meant a decade in the family court and his ex wife losing residency).

It's just impossible to tell without knowing the kids, the other parent, and of course the new partner . Far too many variables to give any set formula.

6 months ish.

I think it's important to see how your new partner and children get on. It's no good leaving it too long and then you find that he's not interested in your kids or being part of your family.

Six months for me, by then I knew it was moving towards marriage. Still very happy 17 years later.

Ideally, I'd say 6 months. That gives you long enough as a couple to see if the relationship has legs.

I don't really understand people who introduce the children sooner. I think those people must base their decision purely on how strong their romantic feelings are rather than knowing how compatible they are as people.

You can't know after, say, a month that you have compatible views on the big/important stuff.

I'd say around 6 months.

I waited about 9m to introduce last bf to kids. I started to suggest a meet up, such as the week before Christmas when they were excited and there was lots to talk about, just as a friend. Came to fruition he wasn't interested in meeting them - at all. Totally killed the relationship and I was completely insulted he didn't want to meet me - the Mother.
I'm half a mind to do it sooner now to see if they have any ability to actually 'get on' and interact with my kids who are my world.
That relationship was a complete waste of time in all honesty. I guess it all comes down to circumstance and preference as each relationship is unique...

My ex has been dating someone he met through his xbox. They were together a year and then he started visiting. He has been there about four times now, and is planning on bringing her over here next month for over a month. He has our daughter every other weekend and thinks that it's fine for this woman my daughter has never met, who he has only actually met a handful of times himself, stay in his house with my daughter there too on his weekend. I can't believe he would be so reckless with our daughters wellbeing, and she has already told me she is a bit worried with it (she's 5). Am I over reacting? Sorry to jump on your post OP!

I guess I want to add to that. I'm also worried for this other woman, although I don't really think I can get involved. His place is disgusting. And I'm not over exaggerating, it was part of why I initiated court proceedings in the first place. Think completely brown toilet, dead bugs, rubbish and food on the ground. He also rarely showers or changes his clothes and I can't help but feel who he has been the few times she's met him isn't who he really is, and she could get stuck in this country with him.

I actually see no point in investing 6, 9 or 12 months into a relationship and then find out the guy can’t get on with your kids. I’ve always had male and female friends so bringing along a date to an activity like bowling or a meal out has never seemed odd to my kids. The person then just gets introduced as mums friend and everyone gets to meet in a low pressure environment. I say this as someone who is very anti bringing numerous different men into my kids lives. I only ended up living with one person in my kids childhood (for 5 years) so they didn’t see different men coming in and out of our lives. You don’t have to introduce the person as a romantic partner at the first meeting.

Even after 12 months you can’t say that any partner is going to be a “forever” partner so I don’t actually see the purpose of waiting that long. You can date and be respectful to your kids at the same time. It isn’t either or.

I met my other half a kids at four months in but I've know him all my life, since childhood as a friend and then regained contact. Both of us knew it was serious quickly.
We did discuss it with their mother first so she was happy with the arrangement - she has known me in a vague way since we were kids too so it was a non issue.

Depends on how serious and stable you feel your relationship is or at least has the potential to be. I waited 2 months before introducing my DC to DP. I had dated a couple of guys before him after separating from exH and wouldn’t have dreamed of introducing them. I’m still with DP over two years later, he lives with us and we are expecting a baby.

If you feel it’s a serious enough relationship then go for it. He was introduced as my friend at first and we just went on days out to the cinema etc. They’re not stupid though and actually said to me “we know he’s your boyfriend” .

I think - once you know there is a real possibility of partnership or a serious boyfriend. This usually takes time. Some people say a year, but I think it depends how genuine the relationship seems - for some people I guess that could be in a shorter period.

I didn't know any of this when I was trying to date as a single parent. I didn't introduce one man because there was something "off" about him - and I my instincts were right!!!! However, the next one, I did after only a couple of months. He really turned out to be a flakey creep and it only lasted 2-3 months. My son who was 10 hated him and his instincts were right. I really regretted introducing them, so I would err on the side of caution OP. Wait until you are sure he wants to have a relationship with you first and foremost. And he's not a dickhead (its easy to ignore background red flags if there are some seeming good qualities at the fore)

It really does depend on the circumstances - my ex met his new partner within weeks of me ending the relationship (not much choice, he was on bail conditions and facing charges). He wanted the DC to meet her within about two months & I said no, it's too much for them to take in. I made it clear I wasn't saying 'never', just that they needed time to get used to their new lives, and more upheaval was the wrong thing for them. He went ahead anyway.

I've been dealing with the fall out ever since. DC were similar ages to yours at the time.

I think a minimum of 6 months into a new relationship - but it very much does depend on when you and ExDP split up, and under what circumstances. Also if your new DP already knows the DC, prior to you becoming a couple. No real hard rules, but I'd generally urge caution - your children need you to be their constant.

About 18 months of dating, 6 months "serious". Eldest was 4 at time of meeting.

I get a bit confused by the whole, well you have to introduce everyone in case they don't get along. Because I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with a man who couldn't "get along" with innocent children.

Although I also don't believe in involving children in the new relationship / moving a new partner in. New partner is my friend, not their stepfather. If they ever stopped getting along, I'd just ensure they don't spend time together, not hard to do when they don't spend more than an hour or two together in a week.

PrizeOik, that's all well and good but then you're relationship will never go anywhere. If you want things to progress past casual, is he never going to move in or spend time with your kids?

Ideally I’d say around 6 months when you know it’s serious and “here to stay” but that depends on your childcare arrangements as it’s not always easy if

My exH who was also abusive and mentally unstable thought under 4 months was ok and an overnight the first time she was going to meet DC.

I refused. Apparently I'm unreasonable.

However he hasn't bothered to sort things out legally despite plenty of threats and me going plenty of times to legally try and sort out contact so I think it's evident where his priorities lie - fighting with me, playing games with his new partner and his DC is long forgotten

@Chocolatecoffeeaddict

A relationship isn't "casual" based on having separate households. Many folk don't combine households, especially when children of a first marriage, and asset protection are involved. This kind of arrangement is becoming much more prevalent and to some (including me) it's ideal. Google "living together apart" , the statistics are interesting.

My dp is trustee of my DCs inheritance and we are legally each other's next of kin... We aren't casual. We just don't live together and he's not my DC stepfather and never will be.

I think many women feel pressured (often unconsciously) to create this domestic idyll / new family setup, and the anxiety starts with "when will they meet??" "Will they get on?" When it's often completely unnecessary. It's just we are taught that's the way it's meant to be. Your post and assumptions about "casualness" are a case in point.

There are situations where a lone parent won't be able to have a relationship at all unless the children meet the dp - fair enough. But when there's no need to combine lives, I struggle to understand why women are so obsessed with moving men in etc