What is the law regarding contact for father who drinks and smokes cannabis?

[ReginaPhalangeismyothername]

I am trying to sort out access for my dd's who are primary age. My exh seems to think I am being highly unreasonable as I don't want him to drink or smoke weed when he has them. He had them all the weekend and kept them out until 11.30 at night because he wanted to continue drinking. Am I being reasonable in my request, he is making me doubt myself now. I am going to make an appointment for legal advice but I just need some clarification. He drinks every night and smokes weed every night also.

Has anyone got any experience of this? Please?

How old are they?

Basically if he’s meeting a basic standard of care then what he does with his time with them is really nothing to do with you.

If you’re worried for their safety, that’s another issue

I'd not be happy about that at all.
How old are the DC.
Definitely get legal advice and if you are very worried for their safely then social services might be a good call!?

I would think that it's quite possible that you can argue that spending a full evening drinking til late with them in his care = drunk in charge of kids, so no, not meeting the basic standard of care at all. That's without even talking about their exposure to cannabis smoke.

I would get legal advice, but the start point here if you are determined to stop that happening (and I would be) would be a solicitor's letter saying: if you are going to be drunk or using drugs in charge of them, then no contact and please do take me to court to argue your side of it and a judge will deicde. He will either - strop off, take you to court or (hopefully) be prepared to talk about it.

But honestly if he can't go a night without weed or booze then they should not be staying with him. Visiting, yes. Going out for the day, yes. But no they should not be overnight breathing in cannabis smoke while their dad is too drunk to care for them properly.

In similar circumstances my ex repeatedly threatened court but never actually did it. I was very clear that if it went to court we would be looking at hair strand tests. Maybe you should consider seeking a residence order.

They are 6 and 8. I don't want them growing up surrounded by drugs paraphanalia and spending days where they should be having quality time with him sitting in pub beer gardens.
I will be seeing a solicitor next week so will talk it over with them, I just wanted to get some advice.

What do the kids say?

They don't know about the cannabis side of things. They are upset as he has just come in shouting and bawling at me.

Presumably he smoked when you were together? This isn't s new thing?

Does he have to have overnight contact?

I completely agree that he shouldn't smoke weed around them, but I feel the drinking issue is more subjective.

I don't think 'having a drink every night' or sitting in a beer garden until 11:30 on a Saturday is automatically neglectful and would be cross if my ex insinuated I was unfit for having a couple of glasses of wine, or a g&t in the garden.

For context, when mine were that age, we would occasionally meet friends at the pub and the dc would have a lovely time on the playground with their friends.

Even if that's not quite how it is, I guess it's how he'll say it is if it went to court.

I do think you can attach some stipulations to the contact order (or whatever it's called now) which should make him more mindful and accountable.

Presumably the court will look at what is best for the children? So contact will be encouraged (which I agree with, they should see their father) but being surrounded by drink and drugs is not in their interests.

I would say just let him look after the kids during the day.

I think it does depend what you mean by 'surrounded by drink' because your op does say that you 'don't want him to drink when he has them'. Do you mean that he shouldn't be able to have a drink at all?

Smoking weed, definitely completely wrong, even if they are in bed, of course.

If he wants to have a few beers when they are in bed I have no problem with that if it was a sensible amount. He doesn't have an off switch though so when he drinks he just carries on until he can't drink more or passes out. He would often pass out upright in a chair when we were together and would not be woken by me physically shaking him so I don't have much faith that if they needed him in the night when he had them that he would hear them or be able to respond.

I think you're absolutely right to refuse overnight access in those circumstances.

This won't be a popular opinion in the slightest but I actually think drinking heavily/until you pass out is far worse than a cheeky spliff once they've gone to bed!

So that said yes I'd probably withhold contact and let him take you to court. He most likely won't bother, just bitch and moan to his drinking buddies about his bitch ex won't let him see his kids while doing bugger all to deserve the privilege.

He sounds like a manipulator.

He also sounds like an addict from what OP has said about his drinking and smoking habits and his inability to stop.

I'd see your solicitor ASAP and explain the situation and don't doubt yourself in the slightest. I'm pro weed and going to the pub but not with or around 6 & 8 year olds, especially till 23:30, it's not an appropriate environment for children that young to be exposed to.

I don't know why he can't put them first. He won't even abstain so he can maintain contact until the solicitors have sorted out what is fair. He seems to think that a solicitor has told him he is fine to have the children when he drinks and smokes but I suspect he has painted himself as a very light user.

You can say no to overnights but if he didn't comply then you can't get them back easily. I think you need a child arrangements order. You can apply to do it yourself. It's not easy but loads of people have to self rep now.

He flared up in front of them last night, they were both sobbing on me :( He was shouting at me, calling me delusional and claiming I have ocd (if you saw the state of my house you would not think this!) and then went back to his part of the house (he lives in an annex) and punched a load of doors in.
I have to try and move, this is not a good environment for the children. I am just worried if I leave the family home, what issues that could cause in the future.

Right, this is no good. That is abusive and violent behaviour. Yes move away from him. Definitely get child arrangements order sorted that states children live with you and he has contact at x times.

Did you say that you have a solicitor? This outburst should be documented so that you can raise it as an issue in any orovrrdings.

I'm making an appointment first thing on Monday. I don't want them not to see him, I just want them to be safe and looked after.