What is the law regarding contact for father who drinks and smokes cannabis?

[ReginaPhalangeismyothername]

I am trying to sort out access for my dd's who are primary age. My exh seems to think I am being highly unreasonable as I don't want him to drink or smoke weed when he has them. He had them all the weekend and kept them out until 11.30 at night because he wanted to continue drinking. Am I being reasonable in my request, he is making me doubt myself now. I am going to make an appointment for legal advice but I just need some clarification. He drinks every night and smokes weed every night also.

... And that is exactly what you say to your solicitor and to court. You're doing right by your children. Keep strong 💪 x

Please move, you can't have your children around a violent, abusive alcoholic, it's clear he's a manipulator who's making you question yourself, you know this situation isn't right. I'd try thinking more along the lines of, if you don't move what are the issues going to be in the future? The longer you stay, the more he'll think he can get away with this and only get worse.

I'd also be documenting everything he does also.

Yes, I am going to look at a house tomorrow to rent but the rental market where I live is quick moving so it may take some time to get sorted. If the worst comes to the worst I'll move in with my mum.

I wanted to try and stay in the family home, I'm worried about what effect it would have on my entitlement to assets. I have to put our safety and the well being of dc first though.
Hopefully the solicitor will be able to advise.

Does anyone have any advice about how it could affect things if I move out?

Contact women's aid. They'll likely put you in touch with a more local organisation who can help you.

You don't have to be in a relationship to do so.

I've also found talking to the NSPCC helpful myself for my own DC. Their father has a serious alcohol problem he refuses to acknowledge (and is also an abusive twat who emotionally abused DC)

Brilliant, I'll do that tomorrow.

So you own your house with your ex? Are you getting divorced?

I think you need a really good solicitor. He should move then. I had to move out because of stuff my ex did. It ws very hard and cost a lot of money to get my share of assets. With hindsight, if I'd had a stronger solicitor who supported an application for occupancy order /non molestation order things could have been different.

Have you got some good real life friends? Hope you have some support

So I had to call the police today, thankfully the dc weren't there. He was physical and shouting, verbally abusing me.
I have moved in with my mum temporarily, it's the safest option.

Anyone got any advice? Would
I be able to stay in the family home and get him to move?

Potentially. You need to contact women's aid and get details of a decent legal aid solicitor (if you qualify) you do if you're a victim of DV (you are)

You'll need evidence of being supported by a DV organisation. Women's aid will tell you if you don't meet the criteria. I can tell you, you do

Save everything! Don't delete anything

So sorry to read this. I bet (if my ex is anything to go by) that he's not just smoking weed in the evenings. Mine used to make a coffee in the morning and go outside and spark up. All day, every day. Wouldn't quit for his children or for the sake of our marriage (which he still blames me for ending).

I casually mentioned it to my solicitor (just the smoking, he didn't drink and wasn't particularly abusive) she thought it was enough of a concern to their welfare to start from a perspective of zero overnights (and limited contact - he drives stoned as well).

Good luck

I had the same story. We haven't seen him for 7ish years now. Apparently smoking weed and drinking are more important than a child to some people. Constantly stoned people are so fucking boring, he could never leave the country for fear of not being able to puff. The one time we did go abroad he took some in his arse (classy right). When it ran out he spent two days in bed shaking and drunk even more. Fucking pathetic!

Find a solicitor who is experienced in domestic violence.

Apply for a non molestation and occupancy order.

Document every incident.

Report to police.

Contact women's aid.

I think if you leave the house you kind of loose your right to live in the house, but i dont think it effects your financial rights over the house. Dont move out alone and leave your children as your then setting a presidence and if it goes to court he will use that against you.
I would seek legal advise as if his behaviour is deemed that bad then he could be issues with a occupation order, which means he could be asked to move out.
Who ownes the house ?

It's in his name but we bought it 3 years ago, been married for 8. I was encouraged to go bankrupt and therefore could not go on the deeds. I have an exam this morning, no idea how that's going to go but I'll be calling women's aid this afternoon. I can't believe I've been so beholden to him for so long. I think I need some counselling to figure out what is normal in a relationship.

After the break up of my marriage counselling really helped me put everything in to perspective and realise how toxic the relationship had become. You're doing really OP!

Thank you. I don't ever want to be in a relationship ever again!

I've been trying to get hold of womens aid but I can't get through. Is there anyone else who can help?

Look for a solicitor who deals with domestic violence and family law. Also do go to the police and ask to speak to someone in domestic violence unit.

I did have the police come on Monday. We are currently staying at my mums but I don't really know what I'm going to do. Hopefully the solicitor should clear up a few things for me. I don't want to live in the family home anymore, it's in the middle of nowhere and I feel very isolated so I'd prefer to move to the town where my friends and mum live.