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Original poster

Dodgy or not dodgy?

39 replies

Redredredwine · 31/05/2018 20:01

DH just spent the night away on business. I asked how the hotel breakfast was and he said fine - said he went on his own as he wanted time to himself before his conference. Later mentioned breakfast again but this time as if he was with someone. I asked him why he said he’d been alone when he was with someone. He said he had gone on his own at 7:30 because he’d arranged to meet others at 8 and wanted 30 mins to himself. Seemed a bit strange so when he left the room I grabbed his phone (I know I know...) and there was a message sent from him at 7:30 to a female colleague saying hey just heading to breakfast now fancy joining me (she replied yes)

It’s pretty odd. Why lie about that and with specific timings? It’s just breakfast? I’ve never in our whole relationship displayed any jealous behaviour so I’d be surprised if he lied because he thought I’d go batshit at the thought of him having breakfast with someone.

I know I shouldn’t have read the message - I’ll come clean to him about that. I just had a weird gut instinct. Im heavily pregnant right now and feel like my hormones might be making this a bigger deal than it is so thought I’d post on here to see if it seems odd to anyone else or nothing? Thanks

OP posts:
BlueTrousers · 31/05/2018 20:02

No I agree that sounds very very dodgy

Polyannah · 31/05/2018 20:02

If he was cheating wouldn't he already be with her at 7.30am?
Is a bit odd though

pisces7268 · 31/05/2018 20:05

He's lied to you.. about being with another woman.. definitely dodgy

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 20:11

I’m not sure really here - maybe he just didn’t want to upset you as you are heavily pregnant and say he was heading to breakfast with just a female colleague.
If he was cheating he’d be with her - no need for texts
Don’t tell him you’ve read message - no good can come of that

Original poster
Redredredwine · 31/05/2018 20:12

Hmmm....oh dear Sad was hoping I was being hormonal.

OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 20:12

Because it’d caused an argument if he was faithful and if he was cheating it would cause him to hide it better so you’d never know

SantaClauseMightWork · 31/05/2018 20:19

I think you could be overreacting here. He did say he wanted to have a breakfast alone. Breakfast could be anything. He could have nearly finished by the time she joined him. You can always have a nice cup of tea after breakfast when one of you has finished and the other has just started. Happens in my home all the time.
Unless there is more to it, or he has a history, I wouldn't worry.

Original poster
Redredredwine · 31/05/2018 20:24

There’s not more to it and no history. Just seemed weird that he specifically said he went to be alone for 30 mins at 7:30 but this is exactly when he asked her to come down. Weird level of detail to give too....

OP posts:
SantaClauseMightWork · 31/05/2018 20:26

If no back story, I would say it is actually perfect timing to ask someone to come and have breakfast with you. This way, you know that the person won't be there for some time as they will start to get ready and will take some time.

YetAnotherNewName1000 · 31/05/2018 20:27

Well, he could have gone breakfast at 7.30 wanting a bit of quiet time, texted his colleague that he was breakfasting, not expecting her to instantly appear. I would expect it to take a colleague up to half an hour to join me for breakfast. All perfectly innocent.

Constance88 · 31/05/2018 20:32

This sounds fine to me. If he was having some fling with this woman they would already have been together. If anything i think the text makes it sound less dodgy! When I go away for work I HATE having breakfast or dinner with colleagues, but to make it look like I’ve made an effort to be sociable I’d drop them a text knowing full well they wouldn’t be down until I’d pretty much finished. This sounds normal as anything to me.

category12 · 31/05/2018 20:32

Strange that he lied about it. I'd be wondering if he's interested in this person, early stages.

Blahdeblah123 · 31/05/2018 20:33

I genuinely don't think you have anything to worry about. I travel regularly for work and lost count of the times I meet male colleagues for bfast in similar circumstances. I can categorically say there has never ever been anything untoward. It's just good timing. As someone else said if your husband was up to something he wouldn't be texting her they would already be together.. ...

SpiritedLondon · 31/05/2018 20:34

I have a Male colleague who I meet for coffee and lunch sometimes. No one has ever said anything to me but I expect someone may have wondered if something is going on between us. I know a senior manager wants to take a female colleague to an function but is cautious that he doesn’t want any gossip about her. Sadly these are the realities or working together. Maybe your husband is conscious of gossip or perhaps there has been some gossip already but likes this colleague and is conflicted about how to deal with it. In any event why would he need to text her if something had happened with her? A bit shit to go through the phone though and I don’t support the view that you have the right to do that under any circumstances where you feel justified.

Original poster
Redredredwine · 31/05/2018 20:47

Spirited I don’t feel justified. I said I shouldn’t have done it. Equally the possibility of gossip doesn’t justify him lying. If he didn’t lie then I wouldn’t be feeling like this.

OP posts:
Fmlgirl · 01/06/2018 22:39

I travel a lot for work with colleagues and this is actually very normal to send WhatsApp to meet downstairs for breakfast.

applesandpears56 · 01/06/2018 23:25

Fml but would you then lie to your oh about it? That’s the slightly weird bit.

Timeissliplingaway · 01/06/2018 23:29

If there was nothing to hide why lie? This sounds dodgey OP.

Timeissliplingaway · 01/06/2018 23:36

Not trying to worry OP but for people saying surely they would be together and they wouldn't be texting if something was going on, I'm not sure I agree. If they are away with other colleagues they wouldn't want to risk someone seeing them coming out a room together at breakfast time when there's a good chance someone would be passing so would they not go back to their own rooms before it got to that time, plus their belongings would probably be in separate rooms? Not saying thats whats going on OP.

Cherry321 · 01/06/2018 23:42

I work away a lot and this is pretty standard. Usually we make plans the night before, but sounds like he got a bit of time to himself in the morning by texting her at 7.30. He went to breakfast on his own and she joined a bit later.

I really dont think you need to worry about this.

Skittlesandbeer · 01/06/2018 23:44

Do you know anything about this woman he texted? I mean, you’d still be dealing with an annoying white lie, but it’d be worth knowing whether she’s a lesbian in her 60’s before letting your imagination take hold?

AlonsosLeftPinky · 02/06/2018 08:53

Absolutely normal.

I often work away and we do the same thing. If someone texts me then it's generally 20mins to half an hour before I appear at breakfast, during which time they'll have had a coffee or whatever.

applesandpears56 · 02/06/2018 09:09

Time - yeah good point. ESP if it was a one night thing/new affair they’d go back to seperate rooms to get ready /not have people see them

Constance88 · 02/06/2018 10:42

Does everyone here tell their dp/dh every little thing. If mine said did you have a nice lunch? I’d go yeah was nice, went to pret; I wouldn’t say yes I went with this person or this person, he doesn’t know my workmates so it would bore him. silly. And for those people saying well they wouldn’t come out of the same room etc, wouldn’t you say to the person you had just had sex with ‘I’ll see you for breakfast about 7:30?) I really don’t think this situation is dodgy at all

Lucked · 02/06/2018 10:47

How would you have reacted if he had told about it, was he trying to mitigate a fight?

That text would have been pretty normal for me when I go to conferences with colleagues,