Am I really being that unreasonable?

[4walls]

I am involved in a 3 year long distance relationship. Due to his work and money we only get to see each other twice a month, our main form of communication is msn.

I have put up with this for the past 3 years but I'm growing sick of it, I want a proper relationship where I can see my partner whenever I want to, we can talk in person rather than over a bloody pc and we can go away for weekends etc...just a normal relationship.

I have never met my partners family or friends and have never seen where he lives, he always used to put me off going to see him and now in responce to it being a concern of mine he says I can go and see him whenever I want...he knows I no longer have the money to do so.

Anyway he has mentioned an ex a few times, says she stalked him and things happened and he doesnt want to talk about it and she is a part of his life that he doesn't wash to discuss.

I think this is wierd...I have told him that the relationship is not working but he says he doesnt wish to talk about it over msn so we can talk when he next comes down (in about 3 weeks), I think this is unreasonable, I want to talk about it NOW, we talk about everything over msn, why not this? why should I have to wait 3+ weeks just to talk to my partner about something that is eating me up?

I also told him about the secrecy regarding his ex and how wierd I find it...he said since he trusts me he will tell me all about her...but not now, it has to be in person. Now he's made such a huge deal about it I want to know what's going on...am I really being that unreasonable here??

Thanks for all the replies.

We did talk last night, he phoned me. I told him I still don't believe him about those text messages and he said he still doesnt remember getting them...how would you forget messages like that?

He also told me the story about the "mad ex" - turns out he was seeing a married woman and the husband found out who's a bit of a nutter blah blah...still not sure what to make of that.

He said he knows he's being a "cock" but he "assures" me that everything he says is true, he said when he has more money he will pay for me to be put up in a b&b and we can go for a meal with his parents...I said most blokes would've arranged this within the first year, not 3 years later...

Basically he had excuses for everything.

Blimey, what a liar.

Sorry, but looking at this objectively, thats my first thought.

So what are you going to do 4walls - you need to take control of this, because as far as I can see, he has you dangling.

That's crap. It just is.

You've been told he works f/t. He's also told you he lives with his parents and pays no rent. I CANNOT believe that paying for a B&B would be out of the question, even if Halford's aren't the most generous employers.

"When" he has "more money" will be sometime never.

I think he doesn't want you anywhere near where he lives.

And if, by some miracle, you ever do get to meet his parents, what then ? Will that be it for another 3+ years ?

I also think that these (not very impressive) "carrots" are being dangled, to keep you sweet, so he gets his leg over every so often.

"married woman", yeh, maybe he is, and she's married... to him... it's not a matter of the husband finding out - it's a matter of the wife finding out.

Do you have his home phone number? if so I would ring it when you know he's out and speak to whoever answers - "oh hello, you must be x' mum, he's told me so much about you - it's such a shame we've never had the chance to meet. You know I was hoping to surprise x so was thinking of coming down some time..." you get the picture. I bet it isn't his mother that answers... oh and remember to dial 141 beforehand...

In all honesty, this man sounds completely inadequate and possibly like he has some deep emotional problems. You've been together THREE YEARS and your relationship is conducted largely over MSN, you hardly ever see him, you don't know each other's families, you have no social life together and it does sound like he is feeding you a whole lot of bullshit (although obviously one can't be sure...but on balance...?).

It doesn't sound like a satisfying relationshiop for a grown woman to be in (or a particulalrly healthy one). How happy does he actually make you, that's what you have to ask yourself? xx