Now! He’s not sure what he wants 🤬

[Emboo19]

I’m so angry and feel so stupid and just need to vent. He cheated, he fucked things up and then begged and pleaded to get back together. 8 months, 8 fucking months! Of how much he misses us and how he’ll do anything.

And finally he’s kept his world been a model ex and daddy and we’ve been getting on great and I think maybe, just maybe we can make it work and I love him I still really love the fucking stupid bastard!

So like a absolute idiot I tell him just that at the weekend and he’s happy and all for it. Until last night when we talk about the actual practicalities and that it of course doesn’t just mean going straight back to what we had and that there’s obviously some changes I need from him.
So NOW he’s not fucking sure! He can’t say for definite that family life is for him. And all the promises he’s made are just absolute bollocks.

I’ve never ever been a violent person, even after he cheated I wouldn’t have wanted him harmed. But I swear if dd hadn’t been in the house last night, I honestly don’t know what I might have done to him. I feel absolutely rageful. I’ve blocked his number because I just can’t hear his voice droning on about how fucking sorry he is. I feel like I’ll just start scream and I don’t think I’ll stop

I just wish he’d fuck off to the greener grass and stay there wagil.
I’ve blocked him on everything but email so now I’m just getting consent emails. He’s calling me all sorts on social media, which I can’t see but my friends and family who are still friends with him can and so I’m hearing about it.

He’s supposed to have dd next weekend but he’s saying he’s collecting her from here and not nursery. I’m actually beginning to get worried about her going with him and I’ve never been before but he’s being absolutely horrid.

Have you sought any legal advice? Or asked for advice from the police? If you're concerned for your DD's safety then I would do both urgently.

It seems as though he's only interested in contact with your DD if it means he gets to see you. My gut instinct is that you need to stop him having access to you at the moment, even if that means you get your parents to come to your house to hand your DD over to him.

I would also get your friends to take screenshots of the things he's posting online, they might be useful later.

I'm not concerned for her safety Sunshine, but I'm worry he might not bring her back home or something to get at me. I'm not sure what if anything I can do if he does that though. I saw a solicitor when he was making noise about taking me to court before, think I'll phone to see if I can get an appointment.

I'd say definitely get legal advice, if he has PR there's nothing to stop him from failing to return her as far as I'm aware. It's possible you'd be better to pre-empt the threatened court action and get an order regarding residence as its my understanding he could then be compelled to return her.

It might also be worth getting some advice from the police about what seems to be his harassment of you. I think knowledge is power in these situations.

The police seems extreme Sunshine and I feel I'd be wasting their time. He wouldn't hurt me or anything I'm not worried about that.

I will speak to my solicitor though and see if there anything I can do that would stop him just being able to 'keep' dd. I don't know I feel a bit guilty he's not threatened that or anything, but he's been moaning on fb how I'm not letting him see dd and someone posted 'just keep her if you're on the birth certificate' in reply to him and it's got me worried.

Hey so sorry to hear that things are so rough.
My stbxh is a bloody nightmare regarding well everything!! If he is on the birth certificate then you both have equal parental rights, if he takes her and refuses to return her then you will have to have an emergency court hearing. I have a court order and even with one of them them police to be honest arnt interested as its a civil matter. They will do a welfare check but thats about all.
Are you keeping a diary of whats happening? also keeping a copy of all emails and text messages. Iv used all of these in court (hes taken me 4 times in the last 8 months!) .
You are also aware that he can collect her from nursery against your wishes as like iv said you both have equal parental responsibility. The only way to really stop this is by a court order. My stbx tried to collect my very young children from school, but teachers wouldn't release them to him as they know it wasn't his day!! Totally embarrassing but essential in my case.
Speak to your solicitor about getting an harassment order out (been there too!), may be enough just to threaten it through the solicitors. Does he know you have been to see a solicitor? this may rain in his behaviour, i would have been totally lost with out mine.

How olds your child? you need to try and get all this sorted before their old enough to understand.
O and also be really really careful how you speak to him esp through text, email etc, you dont want him to turn the table and say that your the one whos abusive. Try not to get pulled into his nastiness , silence is golden.

I'm not sure it is extreme to be honest, he's contacting you repeatedly via email and being abusive, he's turned up at your house late at night and become violent, he's saying unpleasant things about you on social media.

I'm not suggesting you dial 999 or anything but you could call the non emergency number and just get some initial advice. I think when it comes to these sort of situations it's better to slightly over react than under react. By all means seek advice from your solicitor first but I'd have a low bar for getting further assistance if he keeps this behaviour up.

Yes I keep everything What and I’m not replying at all, other than to repeat when he can have dd and that I hope we can be civil for her sake. How long does a emergency court case usually take? He wouldn’t/ couldn’t keep her long term. I’m probably just worrying over nothing.

He’s deleted everything off social media now. His mum has given him a telling off and quite a few of his friends have pulled him about what he’s saying. I’ve got some screen shots my friend took though.

If he comes here drunk again I will phone the police and I’ve told him that Sunshine. I’ll phone solicitors tomorrow and try get an appointment for as soon as possible.

Im not sure tbh as it depends on how busy the court house is. My solicitor was going to go for an emergency hearing but said as we had a court date for 2 weeks time it was unlikely we would get in any earlier.

I would ask your solicitor to send him a letter warning him about his behaviour , just so he knows your being serious, hopefully it will just stop.
His mum sounds sensible which is one good thing.

I'll check with my solicitor. Although I'd absolutely hate it because I'd miss her like crazy, another part of me would love to see my ex have dd for two weeks on his own! He can't even manage to collect her one night a week from nursery 😂

His mum is absolutely lovely, easily the worst thing about us splitting up is the fact she'll never officially be my mil. My future partners mums definitely have a lot to life up to. His brothers are lovely too, so god knows what happened with him.

Well, she might not officially be your MIL, but she'll always be your daughter's nan.

That's true Moto and she's a lovely Nan. I take dd to see her more than ex does. It's weird one of the things I first liked about him was how lovely he was with his mum. Now he hardly sees her. I guess at least it's not just me, he seems to have had a personality transplant with everyone.

Well he’s been quite on the email front and no more slating me on Facebook. He collected DD from nursery today, he’d asked his mum to phone me (god that sounds like we’re kids, doesn’t it!) to ask if he could collect her from nursery at lunchtime and he did. He’s returning her to his mums on Sunday lunchtime (that’s the plan!)
I feel a bit anxious about it all, but I think that’s partly because I’ve never not been in phone contact with him when he’s had dd. So I’m thinking I might unblock him while he’s got her, so if something happens he can get in touch easily.

Have spoken to a solicitor and he said if he kept her we’d apply for an emergency hearing and that it wouldn’t look good for him. I’m thinking now that’s really unlikely to happen. He wouldn’t be able to go to work for one thing, the minute he took her to nursery I’d be collecting her and none of his family would keep her from me. So I think I’m just being silly and worrying over nothing.

Good idea to unblock him while he's got DD, in case he needs to get in touch with you.

Yes I unblocked him Moto and he hasn't sent anything, other than asking if there's anything dd needs for when I go on holiday, because he's going shopping with her today. She's grown loads and he needs new stuff for at his. I'm hoping he's got over his tantrum now and we can just focus on dd.

Although this is often his trick, he'll be super nice and the perfect dad and ex and that's when I let my guard down and we end up spending more time together and that ends up with us talking about us and then whoops I'm back to square one again!

I'm quite determined that's not happening this time though!!

It's obviously better when things are civil, but don't get drawn in to talking about "us". Remember, you split for a reason, and that reason's still there.

Oh I know Moto. And honestly he's never been so horrible like he was this time and I think that's a good thing. I've seen a side to him I really don't like and honestly because he's made some of it public via Facebook, if I took him back now I'd feel like people were laughing at me. I know that's not the most important thing, but I think it will help stop me making the same mistake again.

You'll come through it!

Thank you Moto.
Dd was returned on time today, with lots of new clothes and toys! I'm guessing that's because he's feeling somewhat guilty.