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Original poster

Partner paying ex maintenance

67 replies

Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 20:47

Just opinions please...
So my fiance who I live with and am pregnant to is out off work atm He has a daughter to a previous relationship and pays his ex 30/40per week... I have a six year old and am 12 weeks pregnant... I work part-time and pay all the bills. Including food shopping. I don't receive any money from my fiance. Is this fair? I feel awful but he is living in this house and not contributing financially at all.

OP posts:
SingleDingle · 29/05/2018 21:24

Who doesn’t get benefits? Him or you?

Butterflykissess · 29/05/2018 21:25

I think you've taken geminis comment the wrong way op

SingleDingle · 29/05/2018 21:26

Yes, Gemini is on your side. They meant the contributions are unbalanced

Popchyk · 29/05/2018 21:27

I think Gemini only meant that the situation is unbalanced. You paying for him to live with you, and him paying nothing.

But no, you shouldn't be hounding him to pay his living expenses at yours.

Why don't you just say "Look, you being here is costing me a lot of money in council tax, utilities and food. I cannot afford to pay your living expenses so best you find somewhere else to live".

How he reacts to that will tell you everything you need to know about him. Listen very carefully to what he says. And then pay very careful attention to what he does (or does not do).

pinkyredrose · 29/05/2018 21:28

Failing to see what gemini said to rattle your cage. It is unbalanced. Didn't you discuss finances before he moved in?

Thingsdogetbetter · 29/05/2018 21:30

Pretty sure Gemini69 meant the financial situation is unbalanced not you.
If he wasn't living with you rent and bill free, how would he be surviving? He'd have got to have gotten off his ass and worked then. How much debt is he in? And how did he lose his previous job?
He's been doing the odd shift and ALL his money is going on debts and his first child? Why does he think it's ok to allow you to pay for EVERYTHING for him to live day to day. Total lack of respect for you and your soon to be baby.
He moved in pretty fast and then you're pregnant pretty fast too I assume.
It's great he's paying towards his first child. But the cynic in me wants to ask if you are 100% sure that's where the money is going?

Popchyk · 29/05/2018 21:31

And if he has anything to say about he cannot pay his own living expenses at yours because he pays £30 - £40 per week for his child (and frankly I'd take that with a pinch of salt) then get rid of him.

Because he's never going to get any better.

Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:31

So sorry gemini69 I'm a bloody idiot... As you can tell iam not used to this.... My apologies x

OP posts:
HarryLovesDraco · 29/05/2018 21:32

You shouldn't have to hound him! How does he think it's ok to sit on his arse for months without looking for work?

Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:34

Honestly I feel like a fool. Please advise me how to approach this subject as I feel like I have had the wool pulled over my eyes.. feeling like a right mug.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 29/05/2018 21:35

Dear god I hope this is a wind-up. Just to state the obvious anyway, he is taking you for a complete chump - and you are letting him! Your poor daughter is learning how to be a total doormat, wake up ffs.

TeachesOfPeaches · 29/05/2018 21:36

How long have you been together OP? How will you fund maternity leave?

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 29/05/2018 21:37

You approach it by kicking him out,no more, no less. This is who he is, a complete piss taker.

Popchyk · 29/05/2018 21:40

When he moved into yours, did you have any conversation about who was going to pay what?

Did he live rent and bill free at his previous house?

Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:45

I don't really want to get in to how he came to live with me as it is quite upsetting due to a berevment.

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 29/05/2018 21:46

Why are you letting him take the piss out you?!

I'd have zero respect for anyone paying 30/40 pounds a week in maintenance.

Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:46

So I tell him where to go ? Isn't that a bit harsh?
Mabeys I should give him the ultimatum x

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 29/05/2018 21:48

Do a spreadsheet with all of your expenditure and colour the cells with the money you bring in and what bills you pay.

I did this and you can see very easily who pays what.

starsuniteonceagain · 29/05/2018 21:48

No you tell him to leave until he can prove he can contribute to the house and his unborn child!

Myheartbelongsto · 29/05/2018 21:49

I wouldn't tell him where to go just yet. Sit down and talk about finances etc.

SingleDingle · 29/05/2018 21:49

What about his dc? What’s the arrangement there?

pinkyredrose · 29/05/2018 21:50

If he wasn't with you where would he be?

Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:50

Sorry what does DC mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bex2311 · 29/05/2018 21:51

He would be living with his friend

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/05/2018 21:52

So was he was contributing to your household before he lost his job? If he was then that's fine and I'd assume he will when he gets a new job.

If he wasn't...then you need to discuss this. He shouldn't be freeloading.

I also suggest you discuss how finances will work once you get married. Will it be seen as joint income .. or will he pay CS and then put the remaining in a joint pot.

His child from his Ex is his financial responsibility.