Really not coping help

[unmumsyma]

Dp of 7 years has left me
It’s been 2 months I’ve now learned that he’s met someone else, she’s met the family etc I just feel so alone our son is 3 I can’t cope he doesn’t even seem to be sad he’s doing all these wonderful things for this woman and it’s killing me he’s moved on so fast I thought he was going to come home. He told me today he felt relieved when he left as it was over in his head for a long time.
Will I ever feel better ?,

Fluffyrobin- tried no contact and going through my mother caused huge arguments he said I was being pathetic. He’s the one telling me all this information it’s like he wants me to hurt I just don’t get it.

This week he’s gone from pure nasty and inconsiderate to overly nice offering to help with stuff etc- what the fuck is his game?!!

I’m just waiting for him to ask for her to meet my LO

Stay strong. Keep the communication about the children only.

He wants to be friends so that he doesn't look so bad in this situation. He can tell everyone what a great man he is being so supportive. Don't let him. Draw a line and stay strong.

Pl don't try to second guess why he is doing something. It will be for his own good, not because he is missing you. It's probably because men prefer to pretend that everything is fine as quickly as possible. It suits them better, especially in view of the other woman involved, who no doubt 'can't wait' to see his lovely little boy. Be strong in front of this man- your feelings mean nothing to him any more.

Act the opposite to what he expects.
Don't rise to the bait.

If he's been nasty to you that is his true colours as you have done absolutely nothing wrong and he knows it.

He's going to try and get a reaction out of you and is going to humiliate you.

Try and be prepared

You are the captain of your own ship now. Make plans for a life without him. the time for being pals is far off in the future when you have to make nice and smile at events for the kids like graduation, wedding etc. Until then. Polite and calm. Easier said than done.
Here is something to think about.
My x left when DD1 (now 24) was 2. We heard not a word for the first 11 years. there has been the odd visit. No financial support. Nothing.
He, like yours, met someone v.v quickly after leaving. Like minutes.
Anyways, the years have rolled past and he actually asked DD1 if she hated him...her reply,
If I knew you I might be able to answer.
Job done.
the results of their behaviour are not today, tomorrow or next week. But one day. By which time you will be so totally over him, you won't even notice.
The x has paid for his behaviour, over and over. My pain was intense but it passed in the fullness of time but I know he is still trying to rub out the stain of his own deceit and it isn't shifting.
Listen to all these people here who have been where you are and survived. YOu will too but it is going to hurt for a bit and it might seem like it will never get better but hit will.
Tell him to stick dinner up his hole as there is fucking nothing to talk about.

I just can’t seem to understand how easy this has been, like after a month they are official meeting family and it’s like I never existed! How do I deal with it when he asks for her to meet my little one?!! It’s going to kill me, it wouldn’t even surprise me if he did it behind my back and then what do I do?

Why is he trying to be my friend?! Inviting me for a day out playing happy families while he has another woman?!! It’s a head fuck!

I’ve told him NC now unless it’s about little one and he’s calling me bitter! What the fuck does he want from me

It's scary how quick someone can move on,,just like that. I think the family are actually being quite cruel. Your not just anyone your the mother of his child for crying out loud. They will always be his family and love their son/cousin etc... but I think it's really disrespectful and cruel

Keep your dignity your being the bigger person, I know it doesn't feel like it but everyone else will and you will eventually

For him to say your bitter is beyond me, he's hurt you he's broke your heart and he doesn't care less, he's actually deluded, tell him that and you will only now communicate if it's regarding your child

His family are being sweet inviting me over for the kids to play like we always did once or twice a month etc, but they have said he’s their brother they can’t take sides or refuse to meet her when he’s asked them to.

I just feel so pushed out and like I’ve lost a family as well as my life!

I just feel like he’s playing games with me inviting me out etc I don’t get it my heads all over the place

Been asked on a date!!! Should I go ladies??? I’m shit scared 😂😂

I'm sorry and I know others may disagree but I think it's disrespectful of them I'm sure they could say they feel it's too soon for them

I think you should keep contact only regarding your little one and have time to sort yourself out and do what you need to get through this.

Remember he's obviously not the person you thought he was, treating you this way it's cold and cruel, you need to remember that whatever you thought you had he clearly doesn't feel the same, that's what I'm doing to get by and i know it's soul destroying but we will get there!

He wants this difficult phase to be over quickly. So that it isn't awkward for him. So if you can both be friends and work together then it is easier for him.

Good for you keep contact about dc only. He called you bitter because you aren't playing the role he wants you too. You are taking some control off him. I got called pathetic a lot. Now we just don't speak. Which suits me.

Yes go on the date. Enjoy yourself.

He sounds incredibly selfish, and like he really wants you to be devastated. Any reasonable person would agree to no contact after such a horrible breakup and how quickly he has moved on.

The fact that he is calling you pathetic for trying to reasonably go no contact and also blowing hot and cold on you suggests to me that he can handle moving on himself but doesn't want to give you a chance to.

I strongly advise you go no contact again for a bit or as low contact as possible. You deserve some time and space to start processing everything and he has no right to behave badly about it. If anyone is pathetic here it's him.

If he objects to no contact again why don't you try asking him why he doesn't want you to prioritise your recovery from him leaving. I mean, as the mother of his child, surely he wants you to take care of your emotional health, right?

Just to clarify - when I say no contact in these circumstances obviously comms regarding your child need to be in place like you have arranged. Stick to it. He wants to have his cake, etc - to play happy families, AND enjoy a new relationship. But unless it's about your child then it's no longer about him IYSWIM? you do what YOU need to do.

Please realise that nothing he does now is about you or your feelings. He has moved on. End of. Don't play along. How he dare call you names on top of everything else.
If you go on the date, enjoy it but don't drink too much and don't sleep with the man. Its way too soon for anything with a new man, but well done for getting a date so soon! I hope he is a nice man, but be aware that some men imagine you are desperate for sex when they hear you've just broken up! At least that's what i learnt from MN - i didn't have a date for years cos no bugger asked!

I agree ladies.. he’s trying to get me to play happy families so it looks like I’m ok with what he’s done and that it’s all fine and easier for him! He’s even asked me if I’ve been on dates!!! He’s making out he’s the perfect ex offering me money and help and all the rest of it when really he’s a grade A WANKER

I wonder how his new woman would feel about him inviting me for meals and day trips the man is deluded!

I definitely won’t be sleeping with anyone any time soon the thought makes me feel ill that’s why I don’t get how it’s so easy for him it baffles me!

I am starting to feel anger now.. is this the next phase?!!

Yes but contain it so it works in your favour.

As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

Time to think things through with a solicitor.

Remember op that when you feel like you've hit rock bottom, the only way is up

Just feel like it’s only going to get worse, when I go quiet he seems to find a way to antagonise me

UPDATE- He's now telling me how sad he is, how he wishes it was different how is isn't happy with the situation!!!!

IS HE FOR REAL

bearing in mind He's still seeing this OWl! he just wanted someone to make him feel wanted and he she's not his type, she's nothing compared to me! he even sent me a screen shot of their first convo on tinder to prove it wasn't behind my back- seriously?!!!!!!

I'm so angry!!!!!! he's still saying he wishes i listened to his needs and we would still be together - HIS NEEDS?!!

I just started to feel better and this has messed me up again like what the fuck do i do ??

First of all, stop talking to him. This is messing with your head and proves he is still in control. The only way out of this is with dignity. So go NC except about DC.
Why on earth would you want to talk about his OW. I would be raging.
Also he is trying to blame you.....all part of the script.
ignore him and no family days out. He is manipulating you so he doesn't look bad.
Ignore him and don't go on any dates till you are over it all.

My annoyed angry side would suggest you forward ow the messages and tell him to get lost! My sensible side suggests you ignore him, only have necessarily talk regarding your lo.

It's not fair on him to keep doing this it's like your back to square one. I know your probably feeling confused and maybe contemplating giving it another shot but always remember what he's put you through and how he's made you feel, being so cold and hurtful. Even if you do still love him what he's done is disgusting and he's had no regard for you at all

Remember that and put you and your lo first

He’s not even mentioned getting back together he’s just said all this to mess with me because I’ve been getting on with my life!

Really feel like sending her it the smug cow

Please carry on with your life my dear. Don't let him mess eith uour head. NC unless about the little one.

Ignore anything else. Did you go on the date?

Yes I did, had a really nice time he was such a gent really nice guy, was smiling about it all weekend and now this!!! So fucking annoyed and confused and hurting again. He wants to see me again Saturday and I’m like shall I ? Don’t feel like it at all now

I really can't give any decent advice regarding your date, i suppose it depends where your head is at and i imagine your pretty confused over everything at the moment.

Whatever decision you make just make it based on how you feel and don't give the ex a second thought, he clearly didn't