Pregnant & cheated on

[senzaparole03]

Last night, dp came back from work and when we hugged he was being very shaky and nervous.
I pushed it, and he told me he cheated on me a couple of months ago.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today.

At the moment, I don't know how many times with how many women, but I do know that he planned it - he went online, registered on a dating site, and met at least one woman that he had sex with.

He said it has been playing on his mind, but I reckon something happened yesterday evening to trigger the admission.

I don't even know how to approach this to figure myself out. I have no family around, and I don't want to tell friends, at least not yet.
We have been together 4.5 years, getting married next year and planed this pregnancy together. He seems to adore me - even in the recent months he has always been affectionate and supportive (though we haven't had sex since I began showing, i think a mix of not finding me attractive and afraid of too much pressure on my belly).

We've been so excited for our first baby together, and this just destroyed me last night. I genuinely never, ever thought he would do this to me/us.

I asked him to leave for a while, and then after I went to bed i allowed him to come in to the house to sleep on the couch.

We're going to talk when he finishes work today. How can i believe a word he says?

The fact that he actively seeked out other women on a dating site to cheat with, for me would make it even worse than if he'd had a drunken one night stand on a night out (neither are good obviously but the former is on a different level of cheating imo and certainly one O couldn't forgive in any circumstance

Nc for this.
When our prem ds was ten days old I found out my dp had logged in to OLD sites from before we met, rediscovered a porn habit, and left me feeling the shittest I have ever felt. We stayed together but if ds had been my first dc I would have walked away. Resentment still gnaws 5 years on.
You deserve more.

Take him back and he will cheat again. Send him packing and move on.

He's told,you because there's a huge risk you're about to be told by someone else or the guilt has got to him.

Go and get an std check.
Chuck him out

You and your dc deserve more

The thing is it's not that easy to just say 'chuck him out'.

We're not married, don't own the house. I'm also now on maternity leave, so I'm on around 60% of my regular salary.
I can't afford the rent, bills, loan repayments etc. alone.

I need to be logical about it all. As much as I would like to smash his face in right now, I need to ensure above all that I protect me and baby.

We have no-where to go, so if there is a move it has to be by him. His only option is his parents if he is to continue to financial upholding his side to the extent he currently does.

Ask him to go there then, you can't possibly have him under the same roof after this admission; what a dirty little snake.

He probably read somewhere that passing an sti to a pregnant woman can damage the unborn child, hence the "shaky" confession

What a fucking low life

I would phone his parents, tell them what he's done and make arrangements for him to stay there.

Make sure you ask about condoms. His actions are despicable but even more so if he has put your health at greater risk by having unprotected sex.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

the op said they hadn't had sex since she started showing so if this happened a couple of months ago she should be ok on the sti front. This sucks, sorry op.

totorosumbrella please be aware that 70% of women who have chlamydia have no symptoms whatsoever and are thus completely unaware that they have contracted it. Therefore, it is absolutely vital that the OP gets tested.

OP

Check your entitlement to Tax Credits and housing benefit as a single parent. It was the first thing I did when considering whether to chuck ExH out when I was pregnant when he cheated. I did throw him out, even though it’s meant living on the bones of my arse since, although things are getting much better now.

And please, please get a full STI panel done. Some diseases are so dangerous during pregnancy/labour/birth.

I wouldn’t be taking his word for it that it was just once either. I’d bet someone’s rumbled him and that’s why he’s piped up.

Being practical about it - I would wait until you deliver the baby with him there so he signs the birth certificate, come home, recover a bit - and then get rid of him and go for child support.

Doesn’t need to be on the BC for child support to be claimed.

I wouldn't put his name on the BC

His arse wpuld be nowhere near either of us, tbh

I reckon something happened yesterday evening to trigger the admission

I reckon you’re right. There something very recent and he’s shitting himself.

Sit him down and just say “I know everything. This is your one chance to admit it all...” and see what he comes up with.

Oh god, OP, how truly awful. 💐 First thing's first, get STI checked, or ask him if he used condoms, then I'd wait, let him grovel, have your baby, sign the birth certificates, chuck the bastard out and squeeze a every penny you can out of him. What a hideous thing to have to go through at nearly 9 months pregnant. You won't ever be aw to trust him again, you know that deep down.

*be able

You poor thing. What an absolute knob. Don't blame yourself for not having sex whilst pregnant ("not finding you attractive"). Has he never seen what a pregnant woman looks like before?! Doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're going to get a bump! That's your beautiful baby in there! How dare he cheat on you? You're making a human being... That is flipping hard work and very very tiring.

Massive sympathy for your financial situation, very scary for you. Look into benefit options, he will have to pay child maintenance.

Also huge sympathy for how you feel about him adoring you. I'm sure he does adore you, but to me that means a relationship is 100% faithful, so he needs to find suitable ways to control his sex drive and show his commitment.

He told you because he was forced to, not because he wanted to.

You definitely haven't got the full story yet so how can you get over it?

Also please come back and let us know how it went to night

You poor thing OP, it's sickening.

It sounds like a really frightening situation for you, you must be desperate for an explanation but dreading it too.

Try to stay calm - there's always a way to resolve things, even if that means your relationship is over :( remember you and baby are number one.

This happened to me. Im so sorry I know the feeling too well of feeling like your whole world has been ripped from under you and wishing things could just go back to the way they were before.

I absolutely do not agree with the comment about leaving his name off the birth certificate. Its spiteful and he is as much the childs parent (Unfortunately) as you are your baby deserves to have father/mother listed on there. A bad partner doesnt equal a bad parent.

Look up entitledto.com to check your benefit entitlement. Id ask him to stay at his parents to give you space and id tell them what he has done he deserves to be shamed by them. He needs to figure out why he has done this and how he could do this to you. if he cant figure out why then chance are it will happen again.

I split up with my now dh after he cheated, when I was pregnant and got back together once dd was born and he then done it again. His reason was immaturity, we were 18 and he was a little arse who was scared of settling down. We then split up for two and a half years. We have been back together over 11 years. We are in our thirties and he is still disgusted and ashamed of the way he treated me but things have worked out.

If it comes to it can you move back to any families? Id stayed with my dad for six months who welcomed me back with open arms.

He's told you now because you're about to give birth and will be feeling vulnerable about to give birth and have a newborn so he knows that most likely you'll stay with him. Very manipulative behaviour. You're always going to suspect him now and after you've give birth and have low self esteem it's not a nice feeling. What an arse