Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you ever date them if you knew they have cheated?

40 replies

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 20:00

I have a girlfriend who has been asked out by someone we know who has almost had a double life in the past.

I know previous ex and the OW and I’ve told her all I know, he’s a character that I’m not sure will change at this time in his life. I’ve said if she does go there you have to have your eyes wide open.

Just wondering if anyone has ended up with someone they knew had had an affair and what advice I could give my friend. Or maybe you were the OW but have stayed together, it seems to be happening more and more often these days... I blame social media 😂

OP posts:

ByeMF · 26/05/2018 20:03

No way!

Dancingmonkey87 · 26/05/2018 20:05

I got with my ex who was a serial cheat got told he was a young kid back then. Had a baby and he left me for ow, who had no ties.

Robin233 · 26/05/2018 20:07

No .....

Blondielongie · 26/05/2018 20:11

Uhh I would if it was a long time ago/a one off when young and they admitted it to their then partner and were remorseful.

Going against the grain here.

If they had a full blown affair I probably wouldn't.

Thebluedog · 26/05/2018 20:12

My dp has cheated on both his ex wives. Mind you that was a good 30 years ago. He fully admits it and has grown up a lot since then (as you’d hope he would).

CoatsProtectionLeague · 26/05/2018 20:13

Big neon letters

FUCK NO!

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 26/05/2018 20:13

Knowing what I know now, I'd not date someone who's a serial cheat, no chance. I'd assume they'd cheat on me at some stage and that's no way to live.

OhForFudgeSake · 26/05/2018 20:29

Nope!

I was with someone who had cheated on his ex and left her for OW.

Shock! He cheated on me and left me for OW!

WyldDucks · 26/05/2018 20:33

Hmmmm, I cheated on my ex, but I'm now happily married to DH (DH not the other man btw), would I cheat on DH? Nope. My ex just wasn't right for me and I took the wrong way out of the relationship.

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 20:35

Yeah that’s what I sort of think too, I just think that everyone makes mistakes and I would like to think that he has grown up enough and learnt from his past.

Maybe if the persons 110% respects each other then you never know it could work. I just don’t want my friend to get hurt and be like “why didn’t I tell her “ etc etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 20:40

Also to add why I think it could be worth a go is that friends of my parents met through work, man had been married for 18months with 2 very very young boys, woman was just going back to work after having baby and within 3 months the man had left his wife and once the divorce was finalised they got married 12months later and have been for almost 20 years... however he did have a brief affair about 10 years ago due to a lot of work and home pressures.... not forgiven entirely but they seem to have worked though it all and to this day they still work together.

OP posts:

crispysausagerolls · 26/05/2018 20:43

I've cheated on partners when younger, but I would never ever ever cheat on my DH. Ever. I didn't love or respect them as I do him, and I could never do that to him. Plus I've grown up a lot. Just to offer the other side!

HoHoHoHo · 26/05/2018 20:50

I think that most people will cheat at some point in their lives but a lot who have will swear to new partners they never have done.

eightfacesofthemoon · 26/05/2018 20:51

Depends on hundreds of things!
Life is not black and white,
Some people are serial cheaters. Some people can’t handle life when it gets tough. Others were unhappy. Etc etc etc

I think you can judge someone from their character not what they may have regretted in their past.

fannycraddock72 · 26/05/2018 20:52

Nope. 25 years ago my ex had cheated (before we got together) so I was well aware of what had happened. I guess I was younger and more naive back then. Fast forward 25 years later...I let you guess what happened next.

fannycraddock72 · 26/05/2018 20:54

“Some people can’t handle life when it gets tough. Others were unhappy.“

No excuse for cheating.

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 21:01

I do actually agrees with eight faces, life isn’t as simple and it does have a tendency of throwing up situations that we all would deal with differently, I don’t know the ins and outs but I would like to think he’s a good soul just had a tough few years... hasn’t made the best decisions but I think he is now aware of it all and maybe it just wasn’t right between the ex so rather than dealing with it like a responsible adult he looked for the easiest way out... I do know that the OW knew about the gf and I believe she was at just as much fault as he was.

Ohh I don’t know, I think if it was me I would see how it goes and would like to think that our relationship was strong enough for anyone to cheat.

OP posts:

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 26/05/2018 21:01

I married the ‘cheating married man’ so yes it can work and people can and do change. My DH cheated on his wife at the time and left her to be with me. I wasn’t his first ‘fling’ but we fell in love and obviously you can never 100% trust someone, just look at the threads on here but we are crazy about each other so your friend maybe needs to give him a chance.

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 21:04

Yes I tend to agree about giving people chances until proven Otherwise...

OP posts:

helloBuddy · 26/05/2018 21:04

You can't know whether he would cheat again or not, it's a risk you can choose to take or not but would you always wonder about the "what ifs" if you don't give it a go? People can change and deserve to be given the chance, if could be the best decision of her life!

TaggieRR · 26/05/2018 21:06

Never. If they were decent they would have left the relationship first.

TaggieRR · 26/05/2018 21:06

Before embarking on next I mean

eightfacesofthemoon · 26/05/2018 21:08

My point about character is I think a lot of people get swept away with a personality and charm and ignore red flags.
I have cheated. I learned a fuck of a lot about myself. About what happened, why it happened, how I felt that I had let myself and others down.
I don’t think I will ever do it again, I don’t think I would let myself get into that position ever again. It’s not engrained in my character.
But I think you can tell who it is ingrained in. Now I am older I can spot them a mile off.

timeisnotaline · 26/05/2018 21:11

Have led a double life? No. Couldn’t do it.

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 21:15

Difficult one isn’t it, it may never happen again... not everyone can be angels and behave and act perfect and do things by the book all the time.

I have got friends who have cheated on past partners but now they are with people they actually want to be with then they would dream of doing it.

I haven’t cheated however Have had a brief relationship with a separated married man but have probably been cheated on with and I wouldn’t actually know. So I’m
Not sure I know what it feels like to be cheated on.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2