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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you ever date them if you knew they have cheated?

40 replies

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 20:00

I have a girlfriend who has been asked out by someone we know who has almost had a double life in the past.

I know previous ex and the OW and I’ve told her all I know, he’s a character that I’m not sure will change at this time in his life. I’ve said if she does go there you have to have your eyes wide open.

Just wondering if anyone has ended up with someone they knew had had an affair and what advice I could give my friend. Or maybe you were the OW but have stayed together, it seems to be happening more and more often these days... I blame social media 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Sillysausage12345 · 26/05/2018 21:16

wouldn’t dream of cheating

OP posts:

Lemonyknickers · 26/05/2018 23:10

No. They may have learnt from their mistakes/grown up etc but I would be suspicious if they stayed away or had female friends etc. Whereas with someone who had no history I'm quite mellow. That's my personality and it wouldn't sit well with a previous cheater as it would definitely bring the worst out in me as I need to trust.

SVRT19674 · 26/05/2018 23:35

No way, there is a Spanish saying that goes 'when you see your neighbour' s beard being cut, start soaking yours'. A serial cheater is a form of life.

eightfacesofthemoon · 27/05/2018 00:00

Well it’s all a bit rubbish! If someone’s going to cheat. Then there is someone who is going to be the first they cheat on!

Barbaro · 27/05/2018 00:18

Nope not a chance. There's plenty of loyal people out there.

Mytwistedimagination · 27/05/2018 01:21

It feels devastating to be cheated on.

however he did have a brief affair about 10 years ago due to a lot of work and home pressures...
Work and home pressure are no excuse, what he's proving is that once you've taken the first opportunity to cheat, its easy to repeat. Which is doubly pathetic, knowing exactly how devastating it is to the betrayed person.

I'd never go anywhere near someone I'd known had cheated. There's just such a high probability of it or something similar being repeated.

Duchessgummybuns · 27/05/2018 05:43

There’s too many variables. My current boyfriend cheated on his ex, he’s been nothing but open about the fact that he did it and it was terribly wrong and even though his relationship with his gf wasn’t good he admits it wasn’t an excuse.

My ex was a serial cheat, had an 18 month affair with a close friend of mine (he introduced us after they started fucking... they’re both sick) and there’s lots of evidence of him trying it on with whoever he thought he might have a chance with. I think he will cheat on his current partner because I don’t think he actually thinks he’s done anything wrong, he’s rewritten history that it’s all my fault for not loving him enough, that it’s down to his poor MH. Bollocks imo. I feel sorry for his current partner as I bet she doesn’t know the full story - but it’s not my place to tell her.

silentpool · 27/05/2018 06:19

No. I think cheaters have a different morality or lack thereof. Whether they put it down to circumstances or not, it's the willingness to lie and deceive, that's the issue. I wouldn't be able to do it in the first place, unhappy or not.

Liz38 · 27/05/2018 07:07

I think it depends how they cheated. Exit affair I might be able to get past but I once dated someone who had 3 girlfriends concurrently before me. And was gutted to discover that he had one on the go with me. Wouldn't go there again!

Typeractive · 27/05/2018 07:13

But I think you can tell who it is ingrained in. Now I am older I can spot them a mile off.

What are the signs, eightfacesofthemoon?

RainySeptember · 27/05/2018 07:52

No. They've shown that they're good liars, capable of betrayal and deception in pursuit of what they want. Nothing attractive about that.

WhenTheDragonsCame · 27/05/2018 10:16

I married someone I knew had cheated on girlfriends in the past. I was naive and thought because we had been the best of friends he wouldn't do it to me.

The first I knew of his cheating was when he walked out when we had a 3 week old baby. It has been hinted at since that he had one night stands quite regularly.

His behaviour has prevented me from having a relationship for the last 7 years and I can't see that changing in the future. I tried online dating but panicked when I got a message from someone.

If I did ever decide I wanted to meet someone there is no way I would date someone with a cheating past. There is absolutely nothing better about me that would stop an affair.

booboo24 · 27/05/2018 10:49

No way. They've shown they have that in them, and with the best will in the world i'd always have that doubt at the back of my mind.

I could never cheat, i was with my first husband from aged 14 to 36 and we had our ups a downs, but even at my most stressed out part of life (losing a business, new baby, crippling anxiety etc) I never once took that route because I know I couldn't do it to anyone, regardless of how crap things can get from time to time, therefore i couldn't be with someone who has done that to someone else.

Newerversion · 27/05/2018 10:49

Not a chance I would even consider dating someone with form of infidelity. Just as I wouldn’t date anyone with a known history of abusing a partner either physically or emotionally.

I only wish these men came with a tag so it was clear that was what they were- sadly often by the time their history becomes apparent it is too late.

soggydigestive · 27/05/2018 14:31

Nope. Everyone I have known in my life who has cheated on a partner has gone on to do it again with subsequent partners. It's a character trait/weakness imo

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