Is this amount of money enough for child maintenance?

[stuckintheblastingsnow]

Hello,

Do you think £145.00 a month in child maintenance is enough, for one child ?

I’m finally receiving child maintenance from DS dad, through the Child Maintenance service. I’m currently getting £145.00 a month, this is mainly due to back payments. So after back payments, I will then receive £130.00 a month.

Anyway, DS dad thinks £145.00 a month is enough, DS clothes, food and other stuff should come out of that money and if I want extra, I can only ask him once a month and it can’t cost no more than £40.00.

DS has a disability and numerous other things, so I do pay a lot to accommodate his needs. But DS dad’s argument is that he has his own bills to pay as he pays £500.00 a month in rent.

Maybe I’m expecting too much ?

What do you think ? AIBU

There is a child maintenance calculator online which should give you an idea of what he should be paying (if you know his salary).
I have 2 kids and get £250 a month but its based on my ex's salary.

Last time I got any money off csa it was £13 a week for 3 dc....

Don’t forget you can apply for Disabilty Livjng Allowance for your child

His working.... but he wants to get back with me. However, he wants me to stop the Child Maintenance and then he will pay more. I just think, if he wants us to be all together again, then he should provide more..

Oh Idk. Maybe I’m expecting too much.

Whether is is "enough" in terms of his contribution to maintaining your joint child is a very different question to whether it complies with the law.

If he is complying with the law you have no legal entitlement to anything more from him.

luck I am... but it all goes towards DS therapies.

Use the online child maintenance calculator - it's based on what he earns, so what other people get isn't really that useful to compare. Sounds like what you're getting is based on him getting minimum wage? His rent/living expenses are irrelevant.

Thanks Chasing and no I don’t expect more from CM. But his talking about is living together and blah. I just think if he wants us to be a family, he should contribute more, setting aside CM.

Legally It really depends on how much he earns. Morally it depends on what he spends on himself.

I’ve said on here before if I left my dh and paid the cms amount I’d live the life of riley and poor dh would be flat broke,as he would take on 100% of childcare whilst being harassed by some government department to increase his hours. I’d be a shithead to do that to him (and have no intention of splitting up with him) but cms couldn’t make me pay a penny more.

How does he justify that he would pay more if CMS were not involved? If he was so keen to pay why were cms involved?

I wouldn't believe for a second he'd pay more if you stopped CM.

We cross posted stuckintheblastingsnow, what you have said in your 2nd post just makes me wonder if you want to be with a man who is only willing to contribute the legal minimum towards his son.

He's not very bright is he? He admits he can afford more than the minimum as long as you comply with his demands. And he wants another chance? Doesn't he sound pleasant?

43 Thanks. He hasn’t paid for his DS for 8 years, long story, he finally got a full time job a year ago, but still wouldn’t support DS. He made up many excuses “I have to sort it my house etc”.
Wouldn’t even buy clothes// ANYTHING ! He also didn’t see DS regularly.

I went through Child Maintenance, and after two years ! I’m finally receiving money. However, DS dad wants to get back with me and wants us to live together.... but only if he agrees to my conditions (If he provides for DS more and builds a relationship with him).

category Ofcourse he wouldn’t and I know that. I’m also worried that if I stopped CM, he wouldn’t give me a penny. I told him if he provides a little bit more for DS, consistently, after six months. Then I would consider stopping CM.

Well if it's all he's legally required to pay then I guess there's not much that can be done about it.

I don't think it's enough personally and I receive more than double that for my one DC from my ex.

And don't get back with him, he's a shit.

You're not serious about getting back with him if he fulfils those conditions?

category Are you saying I shouldn’t get back with him ? I felt the conditions seemed fair. Or am I being too harsh ?

Why would you want him back when he's such a shit dad he can't be arsed to have a relationship with his child or help pay towards his care unless you dangle the carrot of yourself at him? I mean, he's a lowlife.

If he wanted to be a father and be a family again then why on earth did he not provide for his son for 8 years?! And not see him? Would I fuck be considering getting back together with him, whether he got his shit together or not.

You're not being harsh, you're selling yourself cheap.

Setting aside the maintenance question (which will vary from person to person depending on their circumstances) please don't get back together with a man you haven't been with in 8? years and isn't interested in building a relationship with his child. He will NEVER make you or your son happy. If he truly wanted a relationship with you both he'd have moved heaven and earth to have one. He's chosen not to.

Please don't go there. You can do so much better. Being on your own is better. Just don't.

As for maintenance, I hope you are claiming DLA for your son and also the disabled element of tax credits for him. Having a disabled child is very costly especially if you are paying for therapy and equipment, so double check on a benefits calculator that you are claiming for your son.

Bloody hell woman. Don't get back with him. Your conditions aren't harsh enough!! No maintenance for 8 years. Hardly sees dc. Wants you to stop using CM cos they actually MAKE him pay. And I very much suspect that he only wants to get with you so he doesn't have to pay CM anymore! Look at his actions, historical and present day. Nothing there suggests he loves you. And certainly nothing suggests he loves your child. And nothing suggests he'll make your life easier if you take him back.
Contact charities that deal with your son's disability and ensure you are getting every penny you should be. Stop expecting this deadbeat dad to miraculously turn into a decent father and partner!

Sounds a bit like you want him to bribe you to get back together with you. If you did get back together he’d stop paying you child support so that makes no sense.

The point is he owes you that money because it’s your shared child. It’s the minimum he owes you so it’s not up for discussion.

He’s a twat. He’s a deadbeat dad. What is attractive about that?

You would want a relationship with a man who has not supported your child for years and is now only doing so now because of cms .

You would be crazy to stop cms payment or get back with him.

I would not want him building a relationship with son under these circumstances he would be only doing it for what he can get.