Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this amount of money enough for child maintenance?

43 replies

stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 19:52

Hello,

Do you think £145.00 a month in child maintenance is enough, for one child ?

I’m finally receiving child maintenance from DS dad, through the Child Maintenance service. I’m currently getting £145.00 a month, this is mainly due to back payments. So after back payments, I will then receive £130.00 a month.

Anyway, DS dad thinks £145.00 a month is enough, DS clothes, food and other stuff should come out of that money and if I want extra, I can only ask him once a month and it can’t cost no more than £40.00.

DS has a disability and numerous other things, so I do pay a lot to accommodate his needs. But DS dad’s argument is that he has his own bills to pay as he pays £500.00 a month in rent.

Maybe I’m expecting too much ?

What do you think ? AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 21:28

It’s a bit complicated.

In the beginning, he had immigration issues so couldn’t get a job... that was for 6 years. It was quite hell-ish. His had two job since being granted leave in the UK, the first job, we didn’t get a penny the company he worked for went into liquidation. His was seeing DS on and off but more regularly than now. This job, his had for about a year and a half, didn’t receive a penny, made excuses blah blah, till I got CM on his case.

Things are different, I think he has changed, he has admitted to me (which he has never done !) that he knows he should of been a father more to DS and that he does want to be a good dad. A few hours ago, he told me that he was still in live with me and would like to lend our relationship. He even told me that he was speaking to a girl friend is his, and she prompted him to make amends with me... otherwise, him and her can make a go of things Angry. So he has told me that this other woman has approached him and fancies him but would rather work on our relationship as he is in love with me...

OP posts:
Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 21:29

love... Mend.... Stupid IPhone automatic typo.

OP posts:
category12 · 21/05/2018 21:32

Ugh, he's selling you a line. Trying to make you think he's got someone else lined up and you should hurry to accept him back. Gross.

Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 21:33

I think his being honest category

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 21/05/2018 21:36

I had the grand total of £24 in 2017 , nothing in 2016 and nothing this year.
£145 looks not too bad from where I am sitting
However my friend gets over £1000 per month. So it is all relative

category12 · 21/05/2018 21:38

Yet at the same time you know perfectly well he'd stop paying CM (You said Ofcourse he wouldn’t and I know that. I’m also worried that if I stopped CM, he wouldn’t give me a penny....) So you don't actually believe he'd try to be a good father.

He wants to live with you for the benefits it will give him, not because he loves you and your ds.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 21/05/2018 21:38

Do not get back with him, you broke up for a reason so take the money and run. Seen as though he can afford it, he can buy the school uniforms and pay for school trips as and when needed.

Thingsdogetbetter · 21/05/2018 21:43

Oh, the old pick me quick because another woman wants me line! Lol and you're falling for it?
So 'couldn't' pay for years, then he could but CHOOSE not to. And the first money you saw from him was when CM forced him to pay!
Forget what he says, look at his actions. Still refusing to really help financially over what he is being forced to. Still prioritised clothes etc over his son. Still trying to persuade you to bypass CM. Still not seeing his child enough.
Better than before is not enough when before was so crap. He should be bloody way better than perfect to make up for the past shite!

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 21/05/2018 21:56

Ok even if he is telling the truth do you want someone who would straight after you said it wasn't going to happen move on with someone else.

Does that sound like love to you?

I think you're quite naive and likely haven't had many relationships as anyone else would say 'going to be a douche? She can have you and good luck to her!'

Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 22:03

Not No Sad. We was together for a long time. Since we were 14.

He doesn’t priorities clothes over his son but he wouldn’t, for example, say if DS needed new shoes or whatever, he wouldn’t contribute, now his saying it should come out of the £145.00 and if I want extra, it would be Max £40.00 a month.

If we weren’t together, I would make do with the £145.00. But since he wants to make a go of things, I think he needs to contribute more into DS’s upbringing, if he wanted us to live together, have more children.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 21/05/2018 22:06

And you had a child with a man with immagration issues.

I think you want him to be the man he isn’t. However you are an independent woman and can make and believe what you want from the outside you are a meal ticket.

Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 22:08

I didn’t know he had immigration issues Starlight. I know after the pregnancy.

OP posts:
Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 22:09
  • I knew
OP posts:
Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 22:57

I feel sad Sad

OP posts:
flopsyrabbit1 · 21/05/2018 23:05

sorry op but you sound very young and easily taken in

he is a user and he will make you and your son unhappy

eightfacesofthemoon · 21/05/2018 23:05

Are you insane?
Do you want your child to go through the real trauma of having an absent father back in their life for what?? A bit more money, only for him to up and leave in the future.

You will be harming your child hugely.
How did you not know he had immigration issues? You say you were 14. How old was he?
He is using another girlfriend to decide wether he should be with you still??

How ever old you are, you need to seriously grow up. He’s not been a father, he’s never going to be a father, he just wants you to cancel CMS and to get back with you for long enough for him to fuck with your mind again.
Your child will grow up screwed in the head if you carry on like this.

It’s all well and good to continue being with an arse when it’s just you getting hurt,

But you have an obligation to protect your child, because no other fucker is going to.

Original poster
stuckintheblastingsnow · 21/05/2018 23:13

How did you not know he had immigration issues? You say you were 14. How old was he?

He was 15 - we had DS young.

No, of course not eight. I just want him to build a consistent relationship with DS, be a provider, a man, a father. He isn’t going to be any of those things, isn’t he ? Sad

OP posts:
eightfacesofthemoon · 21/05/2018 23:17

Lovely OP
no he is not. He’s made that very clear to you.
Remember one thing and one thing only.

People tell you who they are through their actions and not through their words.

You and your child deserve better. Having an inconsistent parent in their life is SO damaging. Do some google homework on it, you might not want to face it, but you have to.
I fear you want to believe the good so desperately you’ll Block out the bad in a heartbeat. You’re young, teach your child that you’re a strong young woman who deserves respect, and then you’re child will believe they deserve respect in turn. X

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread