Boyfriends ex wife and children

[Jess201]

Hello

I am afraid I have no point of reference and have no idea what's considered normal in these circumstances.... I was looking for some advice.

Over two years ago I met a man that was 15 years older than me. He had two children from a previous marriage.

He is still not divorced as when he asked his wife for a divorce under the two years separation option, she refused. She told him he would have to wait for the 5 year separation. Ok, fine.

I have still not met the children nor do they know of my existence. This is due to her wishes.
So whenever he has the children (1.5 days a week) he goes to her house and visits them, they have never been to our house.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Obviously I don't know what they do at the house. He tells me he barely speaks to her and when he does its about the children. I'm guessing it's not normal to have been living with your partner for 2.5 years and the children still do not know of me..

I honestly love him and want to make it work but I have big anxieties over the situation.

I find it strange that you and he live together but his children have never met you or been to your home, after 2 years.

Are you his life partner, or just something be who subsidizes him financially, does his washing and cooking and shags him?

He’s basically just a weak man who wants to take the easiest possible route for him.
No matter how it affects you.

Or he's one of those rare fathers who put the wishes of his dc over the wishes of his gf. If they don't want to meet her, why force them?

But the DC don't even know the OP exists...

U are OW

I think a lot of mothers would prefer not to have another woman introduced to their kids. I'm certainly going out of my mind over it now and they've been together 4 months. If I was able to refuse it indefinitely I would.

I think this is one of those cases where you need to be sure you're not OW but I would really respect a woman who could step back and not demand to be involved in children's lives unnecessarily. I'm really not sure what the advantage is to children of another parent being drafted in... I see the advantage to a father as it's convenient and nice to play happy families

The stepmum benefits from not feeling like a dirty secret and attending extended family gatherings freely. What happens when one of the kids has a kid? Will OP wait at home while her partner sees his child/grandchild? What happens if OP's partner died? How could she attend a funeral? Is OP in her partner's will?

I think that the Dad is playing a potentially dangerous game. While the children don't need a stepmum per se, they may be livid if this comes out years down the line.

I can't imagine being in a relationship with dp if i hadn't met his kids. They are such a big part of his life and if he was keeping that from me our relationship wouldn't work. In your position I'd walk away.