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Original poster

New boyfriend turned up an hour late to meet my parents!

68 replies

Sounsure777 · 18/05/2018 00:28

What would you do if your boyfriend of 4 months turned up an hour late to your parents for dinner without even phoning to say he was running late?!

My dad said 15 mins before he was due to arrive to call bf to say park on drive as dad moved car. I called him assuming he was not far and he casually said "oh ok thanks, il running late, just leaving"!.. he lives an hour away!! He had no good reason! He casually said sorry im late but wqsnt flustered or bothered.

He has a habit of being late.. has been 20 mins/ 30 mins late to me before.. with no call or txt..just swans up late.

Hes said before that if hes got stuff to finish off at home (we are not talking anything urgent..washing up or wiping down the.shower!!) whats a but of lateness if it means jobs at home get done... i find it really rude!! Hes great in other ways but I find this very arrogant/frustrating!..

OP posts:
SallyVating · 18/05/2018 04:12

Ugh. Rude and arrogant.

DUMP

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 18/05/2018 04:20

This isn't going to change. Meetings with parents are annoying for throwing up things you just can't tolerate. How embarrassing for you. I am sorry, he might be a good kisser, but probably it's best if you dump him. Or it's gonna drive you mad.

OliviaStabler · 18/05/2018 04:37

I'd dump him. I can't abide people who are constantly late. IT is rude and disrespectful.

Bouledeneige · 18/05/2018 04:43

Yup that's rude and inconsiderate - meeting parents normally rates as a 'on your best behaviour' event and the older generations are much more sensitive to timeliness and politeness. I would be stressed and upset in that situation.

Generally I'm an on time (if not early) person and I have wasted a lot of my life waiting for friends. But when there are parents involved it matters. It's just not a good first impression, and suggests a lack of basic manners.

Did you parents say anything OP?

StarlightSparkle · 18/05/2018 05:20

I’m quite often late for things but if I was meeting the parents of someone I really liked, no way I’d be late! In that situation I would allow more than enough time in case of traffic, etc and would probably get there early!

He’s not bothered about making a good impression (in fact that combined with the ‘joke’ almost sounds like he was deliberately trying to make a bad one), which suggests these are not people he envisages being part of his future. He’s not serious about you/ this relationship and I’d be dumping him if it were me.

You must have been mortified and god knows what your parents thought!

OrchidInTheSun · 18/05/2018 05:23

I would dump him. No respect for other people's time.

NotAgainYoda · 18/05/2018 05:36

My first boyfriend was habitually late. Always at least an hour; sometimes as long as several. It was a sign of his poor mental health, in hindsight

NotAgainYoda · 18/05/2018 05:37

... in your case, the fact he didn't apologise maybe suggests a different interpretation though

HollyBollyBooBoo · 18/05/2018 05:55

I just can't bear lateness. If you're really into him have a frank and direct conversation to say how you felt about his lateness and that it's not tolerable.

If he makes no effort to change then I think he'll have to go.

Shoxfordian · 18/05/2018 05:56

He only cares about his time and not yours.
Dump him.

Charolais · 18/05/2018 05:56

He probably comes from a family that sees no problem with showing up late. My in-laws are like this. My SIL will arrive hours late and the nice thing is nobody in their family gets bent out of shape over anything. They are so easy-going, generous, kind etc. You take the good with the bad I guess.

Littlechocola · 18/05/2018 05:59

I hate people that are late. It’s rude. Dump him.

zen1 · 18/05/2018 06:05

He sounds arrogant and self-important. I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with someone like that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/05/2018 06:09

I married one of these.

What I finally realized was that he just thought he was more important than other people.

But even he wouldn't have been that late to meet parents the first time.

DownTownAbbey · 18/05/2018 06:14

Imagine the stress of dealing with this over many years. It would give me high blood pressure!

So, so self centred and arrogant.

InfiniteSheldon · 18/05/2018 06:28

A close friend has just left a twenty year marriage citing her lateness as the primary reason. She's beyond shocked and devastated but the he has repeatedly said it's rude and disrespectful and now the dc are grown he's gone.

FinallyHere · 18/05/2018 06:57

As I get older, I see my dear Mother's point about seeing people in a different light when you see them against your own background. At the time, it just seemed horribly snobby and I ignored, your story suddenly reminded me of how true it is.

As PP have said, he is showing you who he is, someone who genuinely believes that his time and priorities are more important than everyone else's. That doesn't sound like an attractive trait in a partner.

It would be a mistake to assume that he would suddenly change his attitude, if he had a wife and children. More likely that he would expect them to fit around his time. That might not be much fun with DC. It really doesn't sound much fun in any circumstance.

How did you feel, while you and your family just sat and waited for him? Its a ggggrrrrrr from me.

Aussiebean · 18/05/2018 07:04

My dh sees being on time is important. He would turn up an hour early, instead of being 5 mins late.

He said to me once that if I had been late for our first date, we wouldn’t have got together.

For me, Sometimes being late can’t be helped. But what is important is how he deals with it.

He knew what time he should have left to be on time. If you were meeting at 7, he knew at 6 that he was going to be late. That’s an ENTIRE HOUR he didn’t ring you to let you know.

In fact the only reason you did know he was going to late was because you rang him.

Late or not... it’s that which would make me question him.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 18/05/2018 07:09

My ex bil was like this. But only when it was important to his wife and kids. He would have been late to his own wedding except he lived next door to church and my dad sent a delegation around to make sure he got out the door.
Note the ex-it was one way of keeping my dsis "in line"

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 18/05/2018 07:12

And in your case op, my dad would have locked the door and eaten without him.

FinallyHere · 18/05/2018 07:50

Can see the 'Dad' locking the door but think honestly it works better for parents leave their children to work things out for themselves.

How do you feel about him now , OP?

L0UISA · 18/05/2018 08:14

I agree with everyone else. He’s keeping you in your place, showing you he will turn up when it suits him and not at the time you have arranged .

Run for the hills.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 18/05/2018 08:18

Well, you know he doesn’t care about being in time and he knows you don’t care about him being late if he is arriving late without letting you know or a good excuse and you don’t seem particularly bothered about it.

If someone tells you who he is... listen.

expatinscotland · 18/05/2018 08:18

'He has a habit of being late.. has been 20 mins/ 30 mins late to me before.. with no call or txt..just swans up late.'

Oh, fuck that! What an arsehole. He doesn't give a shit, you realise that, don't you?

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/05/2018 08:46

I agree with TheBewilderness.

It's passive aggressive control. Nobody eats until He Says So. Had an ex like this. Couldn't leave the house on time ever, he'd be sitting on Facebook when he was due to leave, just to make sure everyone was waiting for him.

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