You live in my house

[ssdd2018]

Hello ladies, this classic line is what my husband has always come out with in arguments. In the past when tbe argument has died down hes said oh of course whats yours is mine etc. However recently he told our very young son the house was his because he paid for it. This issue riles me. The mindset is so different. What do you think?

It’s disgusting and you know it. What he’s really saying is ‘if you leave you’ll have nothing’ or ‘I can kick you out if I want to’. I’m not even married to DP and do love in his house but he would never say that and calls it our house.

How often do you argue? I would start saving for a house of my own TBH.

That is utter bollocks and really insulting.

Are you a SAHM? Does he have control of the family finances? It should all be going into one pot. The family pot.

My reply would be 'not for much longer'. Truly - unless your name is on the deeds of the house and your dh is just ranting, then he is threatening you with ejection if you step out of line. And if he can't make his own child feel that he lives in his own home then he should live on his own.

My ex DH was like that. If we ever had a disagreement he used to say things like "if you don't like it fuck off" or "you know where the door is"

I was always conscious of the fact that despite the fact we were married it was his house and not mine.....in his eyes.

Hence I am no longer with him and he can rattle around in his house
all by himself.

You make an interesting Freudian slip in your OP. That shows what the underlying position is?

You are married?
Therefore the house belongs to both of you, I assume you do the majority of the child care - do you tell you husband that your child only belongs to you because you have done most of the child rearing?
No didn't think so, your husband is an arse, and obviously thinks he's the boss of you.

Is it only his name on the deeds then? Although you are married so doesn’t matter anyway. He sounds like a cunt.

Is the house not in joint names? In any event I'd be reminding him that a divorce court would treat it as matrimonial property and it is the court that would be deciding what happened to it.

'Sauvignonne well spotted! I had to re read the op a couple of times before I could see what you meant.

50% of it will be yours if he keeps acting like a dickhead.

I think, well I know, that he's correct at the moment but he might want to put a sock in it because you'll be taking a large portion of it if he pisses you off enough to divorce him.

But is this about an underlying problem? Are you perhaps a SAHP, or the lower earner?

Your married and I assume the house was bought in both your names...so who pays the mortgage doesn't matter.

I'd be telling him we can get divorced if he really wants to find out.

I'd loose attraction for that kind of nonsense.

If you're married, then I would raise an eyebrow and say the magic words "marital asset".

What is the Freudian slip?

thanks for all the responses just checking in. yes its something hes always come out with and i probably always knew that is gis mindset. yes married with 4 kids and yes of course im the lower earner purely because of child caring i.e. i have to make time to spend time with my kids. idiot features does what he wants. but its very useful to see others point of view. regardless of the legal position its the mindset that gets me. its vulgar. thanks again

@Mueslibox I think the OP's Freudian slip was DH saying "yours is mine" instead of "mine is yours".

Another poster made a cute Freudian slip saying she "loves in" the house instead of "lives". Aww!

Less said about "gis mindset" the better!

no as i was thinking and typing i ommitted whats mine is yours ... and the rest a slip of the hand ... is that not allowed in this busy world we live in? dont know about yiu but dont have time to sweat such small stuff. thanks again

It doesn't matter one jot whose 'name' the house is in or who pays for it. It's one of the many benefits of being married. It's a marital asset. End of.
If continues with this nonsense he will discover only too quickly exactly whose house it is.
With 4 children and a sahm , so clearly the primary carer. - should you choose to divorce, the lions share of the house value would go to you.

This attitude from men really fucks me off. There's some good advice on here so good luck OP.

is that not allowed in this busy world we live in? I think the poster meant it might show just how much your husband's way of thinking is eroding the way you think - that, subconsciously, you are accepting his reality.

I don't think it was knocking you at all, just pointing out that his behaviour is insidious and nasty and that you may not even be aware how much of an effect it has already had on you.

Very vulgar. Next time proclaim that the children are just yours and not his because you are the only one making sacrifices to your career for them.

Next time say "shall we ask a divorce lawyer what the legal position is ?"

@ssdd2018 Me and my OH (not married) live in my house. I pay all the running costs out of personal choice (control!), but I do my absolute damndest never to use the "this is my house" line because I know what a shit thing it is to say.

In all our time together I can count on one hand the times and that has been in the absolute depths of a furious argument and usually then reflected on me - e.g "don't you dare slam the doors in my house!" vs telling him to leave like your husband does.