One word instead of another

[AviatorShades]

Y'know those times when the wrong word just pops out?

I give you, in Costa yesterday, the lady who asked for a decapitated coffee

So, that's got to be frothy coffee without the froth, right? was the question asked by the barista.

No! it was actually decaffeinated

Made my morning..

sorry, i thought i was in Chat. no time now to rectify..
oh well, relationships instead of chat?

Made me laugh

My DH once advertised ‘Bisexual’ sunglasses on eBay instead of unisex. Needless to say I occasionally bring it up for my own amusement

Brilliant - bi-sexual sunglasses - love it!

I used to work with someone who frequently misused the term bisexual instead of unisex. It was actually quite impressive, because you wouldn't think the term unisex would come up that much. But it came up enough times to become a running joke.

Watching a bike race once, one of my friends referred to the "man on the gurney". They meant "derny". Very different!

I was in a supermarket when a woman picked up a cucumber and called across to her friend asking if she wanted an orgasmic cucumber. She was in the organic section

My all time favourite is a former aust prime minister who said ‘no one is the suppository of all wisdom’ - repository obvs!!

I told someone I could do over thirty lengths doggy-style once. Actually it was a whole group of people.

My friend's neighbour sprayed incesticide on his plants. I have what I call desecrated coconut in the baking cupboard.

At school one of the teachers was very particular. He once explained to us all that he was "anally retarded" instead of retentive.

Makes me crease even now

I once had the most horrible, up-herself, rude manager and in a very important meeting she loudly proclaimed "Well the world is our lobster really..." when talking about figures with the board. No, she wasn't joking. I bloody well laughed though. X

When I was younger I needed some battery's so I asked my dad to get me durex instead of Duracell

A guy I met on OLD told me his marriage had never been consecrated......

I say "the world is our lobster", it's a quote from Only Fools and Horses.

I once told an optician my grandfather had gonorrhoea. He chuckled and I spent the whole eye exam thinking he was really odd.

I got home and suddenly it clicked.

Every time I saw him after that he looked a little embarrassed for me

We have Lobster cards for travelling in London.

Oh tyran that is hilarious! I actually laughed out loud here sat on my own and i don't do that often!!

VanGoghsDog

Yes I know, my dad made us watch Only Fools ad nauseam!!

It definitely wasn't her being witty and quoting a beloved comedy though believe me! X

My aunt once described me to her in-laws as a penis rather than a pianist

Walking around a potential wedding venue, I asked the owner how much it would cost to hire a harpoonist
(I didn’t even want a harpist, I was just being polite and making conversation!)

At a weight loss group last night I said aloud "if it meant I lost another half pound I'd have come in my knickers"!

Cue giggles & me going bright red

When I was about 16 I asked my dad, what a word in the newspaper was. Some guy was found dead in his apartment. The word was condominium, but being in a newspaper it was broken up as a result of the width of the column. So the word was condom.... Next line......inium. Cue excruciatingly embarrassing explanation of birth control and birds and bees. Dad was pretty good about it really...lol..

Its a foreign language one......but its quite funny as I never say this word in english.

Ice cream shop, asked for 2 scoops in a "cona" not a "cone" as I wanted. Cona means c**t in Portuguese.

Mortified much. Especially when I looked at the girl in front of a full shop and gasped "did I just say cona?", in case they didn't catch it the first time.

That's a very specific fetish that. Two scoops in a cunt!

Relative in a sandwich bar asked for a tuna punani instead of a panini...

dilly123, that has made me proper larf!