One word instead of another

[AviatorShades]

Y'know those times when the wrong word just pops out?

I give you, in Costa yesterday, the lady who asked for a decapitated coffee

So, that's got to be frothy coffee without the froth, right? was the question asked by the barista.

No! it was actually decaffeinated

Made my morning..

My old boss once described someone as "self-defecating" instead of self-deprecating.

My aunt once described me to her in-laws as a penis rather than a pianist hmm

at a family gathering my cousin's boyfriend was playing the piano for us. My mum said to my cousin "he's a lovely pianist" and my cousin replied "yes auntie M and he plays the piano beautifully too"

MIL takes anti flammables for her arthuritis and serves peripherals & cream for pudding.

My nan said her pregnant next door had been taken in to be seduced.

You should have heard me, drunk, unable to remember ‘Physalis’ and saying ‘syphilis’ instead.

I know of a woman who's famed for these. One of them was "(insert name), your sister was circumcised wasn't she?"

@TuTru

I told someone I could do over thirty lengths doggy-style once. Actually it was a whole group of people.

That is fanTAStic

Teaching shape and space at school.
‘What do you call it when two shapes fit together in a repeating pattern?’
Very sweet boy, hand up, desperately wanting to answer...
instead of tessellation... he said ‘t...t...testicles!’

Organism in the sea instead of organisms

Durex paint instead of Dulux

Cystitis on hands rather than psoriasis

Oh forgot this one... told someone that my dc was being kept in a propagated instead of an incubator 😬

The receptionist emailed me that the 'staff' I was looking for were found in boxes in Cape Town. She meant 'stuff'. We were very far from Cape Town and I still have a mental picture of some people poking their heads out of boxes