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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP has gone, there couldn't be a worse time.

47 replies

Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 21:43

DP of 4 years, have one DD together and I have 4 other DC.

In November I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have just finished chemo and I am waiting for my double mastectomy. He has been shit throughout really. Has worked constantly and generally not wanted to be around. But at least he has been sometimes and when I've been desperate. Now I'm completely on my own and it feels shit.

Even if he did want to come back now I'm not sure I could forgive him.

He left because we argue too much. We do and I begged him to try counselling because it is over silly stuff. We need to communicate better. But he won't and now he's gone.

OP posts:
Twirlywoo88 · 13/05/2018 21:45

I wish I had some good advice, I don’t, but I wanted to say I’m sorry - that’s so awful.
Flowers

Theimpossiblegirl · 13/05/2018 21:56

I'm so sorry, OP, that is really shit.
Flowers

Do you have friends/family to support you?

WaitrosePigeon · 13/05/2018 21:57

Shit. Are you ok? Are you ok tonight? Are the kids ok? Keep talking to us x

Somekindoflove · 13/05/2018 21:59

Bloody hell. So upset for you. Do you have any support? Watching this thread now

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:02

I do have amazing friends. They have supported me so much through my chemo. Took turns in coming with me and making sure I was ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:03

I just can't imagine doing that to anyone. Leaving them when they were going through that.

OP posts:
CoupleOfPushBacks · 13/05/2018 22:05

What an absolute wanker he is! He's selfish. Couldn't even put his feelings aside to be there for you when you need him most.

I'm so sorry! Thanks

happysnappysandwich · 13/05/2018 22:05

bloody hell OP. gutted for you. Only a sorry arse excuse of a man would treat the mother of his child that badly in her hour of need.

I really, really hope you have some support in real life. If not, it's time to find some. McMillan, local charities, do what you have to do to not go through this alone.

Geordiegirl1988 · 13/05/2018 22:08

Playing devils advocate and no way excusing his behaviour but could it be that he is terrified and does not know how to act ??? So sorry op and I wish you well xx

Isadora2007 · 13/05/2018 22:09

There couldn’t be a better time to get rid of that complete and utter wankstain. You are so much better without him and your kids will be too- anyone who can treat someone they have a child with and ever ever loved even a tiny bit like that is not worth even a single tear.
Rally up your friends who are probably also delighted he is gone as they will know you are soooooo worth more than that and get ready for the next improved part of your life.
He has shown you what kind of a “man” he is. You are worth more.

Buckingfrolicks · 13/05/2018 22:16

Bloody hell what a terrible thing to do to you, I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:21

They are delighted he's gone. That's so telling isn't it.

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 13/05/2018 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 22:23

He will live covered in shame for the rest of his life, whether he knows it or not. To leave someone at such a time - it’s astonishing. How can someone be that morally repulsive?

You are well rid of him. He is the lowest of the low.

Star Positive healing vibes to you Star

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:24

@geordiegirl1988 , I don't think so. That's not how you'd express it. He's always looking for an excuse to go. I literally begged him tonight not to which I have never done before, but he went anyway. I really need to stay strong and not let him back. He will have a shit life living at his mums.

OP posts:
ThomasShelbysBunnet · 13/05/2018 22:24

God OP that's a horrific way to be treated. Glad you have good friends though, they're worth their weight in gold.

And no, don't let him come back. If he's let you down at this crucial time, I could never put any trust in him again.

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:25

I dont think he will feel shame. He blames it all squarely at my door. And it's all petty little things that I have said or done.

OP posts:
springydaff · 13/05/2018 22:27

StarPositive healing vibes to youStar

looksfamiliar · 13/05/2018 22:30

Maybe one day you will feel pity for this waste of space. He is a wretched person.

But maybe you are better off without his negativity in your life and can focus on getting well again Thanks

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 22:31

He won’t feel it, but you will know. And everyone will know. That he left you when you were ill, at your weakest - he has behaved in such a foul manner, everyone will judge him. Rightly.

You are so much better off without him, there is no going back now: he has proved himself to be beneath contempt.

You do not need that kind of toxicity near you as you get well. Consider him a toxin which has thankfully fucked off for good.

Original poster
Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/05/2018 22:34

I wish I could not care but he will probably tell everyone that we 'broke up'.

I wish I could find a way to tell him mum. I really love his mum and she has been one of my biggest supports. He will say we broke up because we argue. Simply not true. But then, she'll always have her sons back because that's what mums do.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 22:36

So tell her. Email her or text her or wrote her a letter. She will stand by her son but she will know.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 22:36

When someone behaves this despicably their right to privacy goes out the window.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 22:37

You could say you just wanted to say bye (when writing to his mum), that you’ve always cared so much for her and are shocked x could leave you at your darkest hour...but you will always think of her warmly.

MrsMozart · 13/05/2018 22:37

That is shit timing. Maybe it is for the best though as anyone who does that really is showing colours you don't want.

Sending you a handhold.