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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help - H constantly telling me I give him chest pain and will cause him a heart attack

26 replies

themostenormousyouveeverseen · 11/05/2018 10:58

Lots and lots of issues with H. He has a tendency to disappear for “work” for days leave me with all DC, and then text me to say a few things and refuse to answer phone.

I find him abusive. He says I am abusive.

When I am trying to contact him through the only method he alllows (text) about DC and about money (the two things we share and which I NEED him to respond to) he tells me I am giving him chest pain and I “will not rest until I give him a heart attack.”

This is his method to stop communicating. The idea that if I carry on texting I am a sadist who wants his downfall. And if I don’t then I am keeping to his terms.

What should I do?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 11/05/2018 11:01

Kick him out and be rid of him.
He's about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
Start looking at live without this waste of space in it.
Why are you putting up with it?

AnnaMagnani · 11/05/2018 11:02

Honestly? Make plans to divorce.

No good is going to come of this relationship. It's not a happy place to bring up children. Neither of you like each other.

Get out and be happy.

AuntJobiska · 11/05/2018 11:08

So his idea of a happy marriage is one in which wives only speak when spoken to, otherwise you are abusive and unreasonable? Unless this is a temporary situation with deeper roots that you haven't elected to discuss here (your prerogative), really, this is just no basis for a marriage.

MyNameIsTotoro · 11/05/2018 11:10

He's absolutely being abusive. My F does the whole clutching his chest making out he's going to have a heart attack thing. Funnily enough, it's only when he's challenged about his poor behaviour. Took me a long time to realise it was a form of control. I don't really speak to him now.

Your H sounds horrific, divorce him.

RatherBeRiding · 11/05/2018 11:13

So he regularly disappears "for days" and you cannot contact him? This is hugely suspicious in itself.

As for the rest - of course he is being abusive. Please consult a divorce lawyer.

ChevalierTialys · 11/05/2018 11:15

You know the answer to this OP. Read your own post back. What would you say if this were someone else telling you their DH does this?

Jozxyqk · 11/05/2018 11:17

He sounds dreadful. Sounds like the best thing, for his heart (if he does in fact have one) as well as your sanity, is to leave him. If he truly believes you are abusive, he'll be relieved. (I bet you aren't, he sounds like a grade A wanker.)

SleepFreeZone · 11/05/2018 11:19

Well he is controlling your behaviour by playing the victim isn’t he. It’s very convenient that he gets chest pains when you need to talk to him about money Hmm

Maverick66 · 11/05/2018 11:21

Exactly what hells bells says!

adviceonthepox · 11/05/2018 11:24

You do not have to live like this! Please leave ASAP.

FizzyGreenWater · 11/05/2018 11:39

Get rid.

TorviBrightspear · 11/05/2018 12:48

I don't want to sound harsh, but I suggest that if he's disappearing off like this, that you get yourself an STI test done.

But yes, he's the abusive one, get rid.

AmazingPostVoices · 11/05/2018 12:51

You know what to do. You don’t need our permission to do it.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 11/05/2018 12:54

You don’t need his permission to leave him either.

Trinity66 · 11/05/2018 12:55

What everyone else said really.

Cambionome · 11/05/2018 17:05

Completely agree with everyone else on here.
What is the point of him?

Gloryificus · 11/05/2018 17:23

Divorce his abusive arse if he's having difficulties doing basic adulting tasks : money and dc! how do the general population ever manage to do this without an epidemic of heart attacks???caused by simply cooperating with family members needs??

He's trying to control you with his over dramatic chest clutching. He doesn't care about dc clearly and wants to control finances.
Ignore his self diagnosed heart attack warnings.
And if he thinks you are abusive too then he should agree to divorce on grounds of his fragile healthHmm

SandyY2K · 11/05/2018 20:21

Why isn't divorce an option? It doesnt sound like an enjoyable marriage.

Tiddlywinks63 · 11/05/2018 20:26

I'd tell him to bugger off.
He sounds utterly unbearable op.

shadypines · 11/05/2018 22:06

What should you do?

Get rid of the abusive, pathetic, stupid excuse for a man.

welshmist · 11/05/2018 22:18

He could be a bigamist for all you know. Only being able to text rings a lot of alarm bells for me.

glitchycoffee · 11/05/2018 22:20

My ex (violent - now has a criminal record) used to regularly say "his mental health was at breaking point" on text if asked to, you know, do anything ... just saying

Please phone women's aid. Discuss it with them. It won't do any harm. You won't be wasting anyone's time.

CoupleOfPushBacks · 12/05/2018 18:04

Your DH isn't a lorry driver in his 30's is he??

Ceirrno · 12/05/2018 18:06

Definitely time for ducks...

UndomesticHousewife · 13/05/2018 11:18

He disappears for days and you can't contact him? This isn't really a marriage