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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Flowers delivered in post?

51 replies

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 00:28

My wife is staying at her friends. No idea when she is back. Flowers were delivered this morning but had her friends name and our address. Very confusing...all she said was "put them in water please"

The note reads,

I truly feel. You are my life, my heart, and soul. You are my best friend. You are my one true love. You make my life complete. I love you for your kindness, for your caring and giving nature, for your beauty -both inner and outer, and most of all i love you because you are you.

OP posts:

Defender90 · 10/05/2018 00:34

Why is your wife staying at a friends? Holiday? Some other reason?

Mrstobe90 · 10/05/2018 00:49

It could be innocent but I'd ask your wife what's going on

Changedname3456 · 10/05/2018 06:53

“No idea when she is back” - what does that mean? Has she split up from you and is staying there whilst sorting herself out? Are there problems in your marriage?

Is the friend married? Could she be having an emotional (or full blown) affair and the sender is using your address so her DH doesn’t see them?

Your DW only saying “put them in water” might suggest they really are for the friend. You’d think she’d be a bit more panicked if they were for her, although it’s always possible that she’s brazening it out. More likely to be for the friend though.

MoanaofMotunui · 10/05/2018 06:55

Could they be for her friend? E.g friend's name on them, so that no one in the house tampers with them.

Or from her friend? E.g friend may have originally planned to have them sent to her address (hence her name on them to sign for them) but may have thought your partner wouldn't have been visiting, so changed the address to yours, but forgot to change the name?

The only way you'll know is to ask

northbynorthwesty · 10/05/2018 06:57

Does friend have a husbdand ? Could they be from him ?

hellsbellsmelons · 10/05/2018 09:14

Why is your DW as her friends and why don't you know when she will be back?
This is very odd indeed.

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 16:13

She said it was for her friend. Sounds like a love note to a boyfriend or girlfriend...

OP posts:

FailingTheBoyfriendExam · 10/05/2018 16:38

I think she made a mistake putting her own address in when she ordered the flowers. But I don't think your wife is sleeping in her friends spare room.

XJerseyGirlX · 10/05/2018 16:40

Oh that doesn't sound good OP. I'm pretty sure your wife isn't at her friends

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 16:44

This is been going on for over 6 months. 2 weeks, 2 weeks and another 2 weeks then 3 weeks and 1 week.

OP posts:

SunshineandRain18 · 10/05/2018 16:52

Had she split up from you? I need a little background because I'm struggling to figure this out.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 10/05/2018 16:54

Is the friend long term or new? Doesn’t sound like they’re just friends to me.

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 16:55

She said she had feelings for the son while staying there but no he is only like a brother. Problems in marriage i guess caused this. Maybe it was for him i dont know. Giving a note like that to a friend sounds over the top.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 10/05/2018 16:55

So she's been at her 'friends' for 6 months!?
And you are just OK with that???
Time to get to a solicitor and start divorce proceedings.
This is NOT normal!
This is not just a 'friend'
She has basically left you.
Harsh as that sounds, you now need to put things in place to end this properly and start afresh.
I'm assuming you don't have kids together?

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 16:56

They've been friends for 8 months i think

OP posts:

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 16:59

We have a 7 year old. Shes been leaving on and off. She left on Monday cause she said she didbt trust me and i was going behibd her back. I spoke to someone she hates about something (nothing personal)and that i guess is part of the reason she left. Nothing going on btw. I would never cheat.

OP posts:

SunshineandRain18 · 10/05/2018 17:03

Is this friend male or female? Not that it always makes a difference. But I'm trying understand

Booboobooboo84 · 10/05/2018 17:05

I think your relationship is over and you need to accept that.

mzcracker · 10/05/2018 17:08

I'm not really following the narrative here. Is the friend male? Do you suspect your wife of having an affair with friend or friends son?.

I think your relationship has been over for a long time. Perhaps it's time to accept that and take some steps to officially separate.

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 17:09

The friend is female in her forties and my wife is 31.

OP posts:

Original poster

HowRyou · 10/05/2018 17:10

The son is 21 i think

OP posts:

SunshineandRain18 · 10/05/2018 17:12

Not a huge age gap I'm affaird I would be worried. I think your relationship is over. No normal person leaves their spouse for 6 month periods.a

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 10/05/2018 17:14

I wish I could say it's probably all perfectly fine, but that message was not written to a platonic friend. I'm so sorry.
Do you think this was a clumsy attempt and making sure you found out without her having to tell you?

FailingTheBoyfriendExam · 10/05/2018 17:14

I don't think he's saying she's left for 6 months. I think he's saying that six months ago, his wife started visiting her friend for periods of several weeks at a time.

SandyY2K · 10/05/2018 17:17

Sounds shady. Why are you putting up with this behaviour?

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