Online dating fear!!!

[Shoegal0305]

So I've been single 12 years!!!! Father of don left me for another woman and I've been left alone with no support to bring up my son, who is now nearly 16 and if I say so myself I think I've done a bloody good job bringing him up (pat on the back for all of us going it alone lol!!).

I've had a few disastrous liaisons since, and I mean disastrous haha! Total idiots. Nothing serious but they've further reinforced my belief I'm better on my own!

One drunken night after a few sherbets I decided to join up to POF. It's free don't judge me !! I'm happy on my own believe me but sometimes I get a bit lonely (not often mind!!). So to cut a long story short, got chatting to a guy who seems nice, lives in the same town etc. Spoke to a few girlfriends who know of him and they've reiterated what a lovely man he is. My fear is, despite my outward confidence, and the fact I do a very challenging job (emergency services) and put me in uniform I can take anyone on (😂😞) I feel completely out of my depth when it comes to meeting someone. I'm overweight, suppose I'm quite pretty if I spend a bit of time on myself but certainly no oil painting! Don't really dress well, if I'm not in uniform I love either my PJs or trackies!!!

This man has suggested we meet up! Now I met a guy a few year back on Facebook, used to go to school with him. We met up and omg it was awful! I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest! I actually felt a bit sick when he tried to kiss me at the end of the night. So if this POF guy doesn't turn on his heels and run at the sight of me, what if I don't like him? I KNOW the answer is just to casually meet but I really feel I don't really feel I have the confidence to be judged! Plus because I've been on my own so long I've kinda got myself into a (comfortable!!) rut!!!

This is lighthearted but please, any advice gladly received!!!!!!

But he would have asked if he needed to know before meeting her.

That's ridiculous. Of course he is interested in seeing what she looks like.

OP is all frantic about whether he'll be attracted to her aka OP is frantic because she's not been upfront about her size. Be honest about that and then you go to the date related. It's really not rocket science.

I'm done.

SuperL has made me feel even more fearful!

You're fearful because you haven't told him what you look like. I'm sorry, ShoeGal I am but you need to be upfront about it. Some people aren't attracted to people that are overweight. People on here may tell you "if he likes you, he likes you," and "he may be attracted to your personality" but I'm telling you the truth as someone who has been there done that at your size. There is a lot of really fickle men out there. Be honest. It'll save yourself both pain x

Anyone got any more advice before I throw myself to the slaughter?????

Just go with an open mind.
Don't get over invested just treat it as a meet up with a friend if you view it to much like a date you will get disappointed if things don't work out.
If things go well don't be afraid to ask when he wants to meet again pre arranging the next date will save any faffing around.

How did it go?

I'm back! Was shaking like a leaf before I met him!!! Met on the walk into town then went for a few drinks at a lovely riverside hotel. Walked back and he thanked me for a lovely few hours and mentioned a walk in the future? ?????????? Lol

Do you like him!? Do you want to see him again

I really liked him!!!! Date seemed to go well? Had a few drinks....... walked home until we got to a point where he went one way and I went another. He said he'd had a lovely time, no kiss. ????

Shoe I was going to suggest that, given you say you can cope with anything if you’re in uniform, you should imagine to yourself that you had your uniform on! But it sounds like you’ve done just fine - I’m really pleased for you. I wouldn’ read anything into no kiss either.

Fingers crossed for more dates for you.

AliceAir thanks funnily that's exactly what I did!!!! I'm now making up a whole new set of problems haha thinking that he wasn't interested!! I really do think that given my history of unsuitable men it's made me think that if he didn't want to jump on me the first night he's not interested!!!! I need to think that maybe he's a gentleman? We spent about 5 hours together.

Great minds ... :)

Five hours is a long time - you obviously had a lot in common. He wouldn’t have wasted his bank holiday if he didn’t like you. Instead of telling yourself he didn’t like you, tell yourself he’s pacing it and, yes, is a gentleman!

Thanks Alice Air.......... it's just the first time I've liked someone in ages so wanting to know where I am so to speak!!!! Wanting to run before I can walk lol x

I get it, really I do. I doubt myself constantly. But so far so good for you as far as this man is concerned. Keep us posted!

Congratulations Shoegal. So glad it went well.

BTW I was at a wedding last week of friends who met on POF.

Oh and I met my DH on Friends Reunited Dating. So sad that’s no longer around for my single friends.

Thanks both I was SOOOO nervous beforehand!!!! Due to my lack of self esteem tho I'm now doubting whether there will be a second date????

Awww this is lovely and sounds like it has potential. Just wait to hear from him or message him tomorrow and say you had a lovely time. He mentioned another walk so that's something. Plus a lot of guys just get too nervous to go in for the kiss. Especially if there hasn't been much physical contact during the date and then at the end they're supposed to just lunge in for a kiss!

Watch some Matthew Hussey youtube videos to get your confidence higher with dating. But also remember not to put your eggs all into one basket. There are plenty of men out there, he is just one. Plenty more where he came from if it doesn't work out x

Let us know if there is a second date!

Will do. Trying to be cool and not text him!!! 😂

Glad the date went well. Five hours - that's a good long time. All sorts of mad thoughts will go through your head now, just time to be patient.

And nothing wrong with sending one text. (Although 6am might have been a bit early! )

Wait and see if you hear from him, if you don't after a few days, you could text, say you had a lovely,time and would be up,for doing it again and if he was to let you know. Keep it cool. If nothing comes of it at least you've dipped,your toe in the water and it'll get easier!

Don't text first. Honestly if a man is interested he will let you know.

I texted him last night to say it had been lovely to meet him. He texted straight back and said he'd enjoyed it too? Nothing since?

You have to be patient now. If he’s interested he will respond. IME the ones who start a stream of texts/calls are not interested in a long term relationship.

Keep the pace gentle at this point.