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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Having a nice day till dp walks in the door.

88 replies

misery · 15/05/2007 22:44

Regular name changer, hopefully if the name change works
Been together for years. He walks in the door and its negative negative negative.
Oh why do you need to go to the shop now, couldnt you have gone earlier?
Turn the music down.
Im in the process of starting a business. Sees some stock sitting in the living room.
"God, How many of those did you buy" In an exasperated, annoyed voice.
Totally, totally fucked off.
Have just smashed a mirror on the bed ad been for a long walk.
This isnt working.

OP posts:
Original poster
misery · 16/05/2007 19:26

Well hes going to find somewhere else to live. Another arguement in front of the kids. One too many.

OP posts:
thegardener · 16/05/2007 20:39

could you arrange to go for a walk, just the two of you and tell him how unhappy you feel about the way he is treating you and that you really could do with a bit more positive support from him like he used to give?

i know when you have kids you're so busy & sometimes let comments some people make go over your head but when it gets to the stage that it's really upsetting you, you have to be open & say how you feel. He has been treating you this way for sometime so probably doesn't realise how it is making you feel.

foxybrown · 16/05/2007 20:58

Oh Misery, I'm sorry its come to this.

But you might be happier in the long run.

Original poster
misery · 17/05/2007 09:39

He knows, ive been telling him for a long time, it like being bashed on the head with a hammer.
I am at the library he has unplugged some part of the PC so i cant use it at home.
Onwards and upwards.

OP posts:
DevilsAdvocado · 17/05/2007 09:51

The bastard!

Girl, tell him to get to fuck!

I can't beleive there are so many posts saying their dh's are the same!

How dare these men treat you ladies like that! The useless pieces of crap!!

charliecat · 18/05/2007 11:35

Confession time then, its me.

DevilsAdvocado · 18/05/2007 11:38

Oh, love.

I thought you & he seperated before?

charliecat · 18/05/2007 11:51

We did, at New year and I said id give it one more try.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 08:34

Last night when I nipped out for 5 minutes dp told the kids he was leaving and going to Scotland/Ireland, leaving his job and leaving them.
Was all nice while drinking vodka last night but has got up again this morning being insulting.

colditz · 19/05/2007 08:44

I think that if he won't go to relate, it is fair to dsay it's over. Otherwise, go to relate, they can help.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 08:46

Thanks colditz, no help, too late. Feel sick, but its got to be done.

colditz · 19/05/2007 08:51

CC, you know the way he treats you is appalling anyway. Once you get over the initial shock of being on your own, I imagine you will be 20 times happier.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 08:53

Yep, I am trying to look forward, and i am going through waves, Early days.
Hows you, you were here not so long ago werent you?

colditz · 19/05/2007 09:32

Yes I was, and since he moved out, my 18 month bout of diarrhoea has cleared up, I don't feel like crying all the time and I am quite pleasant to be around sometimes!

charliecat · 19/05/2007 09:33

Glad to hear it Is he taking the kids out and about now or still sitting at yours?

colditz · 19/05/2007 09:38

No, he sees them every day and about half the time, he is taking them out.

I am putting thought into getting back together but still not sure - will see how it goes. I want him off the tenancy first, he's never going to be able to jeopardise my security again.

I have posted so awful (but true) things about him here, but he can be wonderful - but can he be wonderful enough?

I think the control your p is trying to have over you is bloody frightening, he's behaving like a child with a puppet, does he not realise that he can't issue instructions like that t5o an adult human being?

charliecat · 19/05/2007 09:54

Oh what a surprise I hope he can stand up and be the man you want him to be, I really do.
Your ok with him being in the house a lot?
If xdp did stay around here I could cope with every 2 days but not every day that would be like nothing had changed.
Id like to see him stand on his own two feet, but I dont think he will.
If dp goes to Scotland and get s job he wont see them for months as he will be working and if he goes and doesnt get work he will have all the time in the world but no money to get here.
Need to get a child out of the bath...........

NuttyMuffins · 19/05/2007 09:57

Oh CC, didn't realise this was you, sorry to hear things aren't right again.

Your dp does sounds incredibly like mine was tbh. The constant moaning is so wearing and I know that here it made us all feel so down and miserable, and i dreaded him waking up in the morning and seeing what mood he was in.

If a split is the best thing then you will cope, you will get through it.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 10:29

I realised the similaritys nutty, I was gutted when you took your X back, you had had the bollocks to get out and you were falling into it again, and I remember one of your posts about him that made me cry, so so so bad, yet you were having him back....wanted to shake you
Sad it comes to this, but, you get one life.
Someone keeps crapping on your from above though Hope that cloud passes me by.
I have just set myself up as self employed to sell on ebay ....and now im crapping it that it will be against the rules with housing benefit etc
We will see but I will be mighty annoyed if they would prefer me on IS that trying to make a business for myself.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 10:30

Hope that cloud passes me by (looks awful without the )

NuttyMuffins · 19/05/2007 10:36

Oh not sure about the self empolyed and Income support thing. Like you say, realistically they shouldn't have any objections but they make their own rules i've found. Just make sure you always inform them of every teeny tiny thing and then they can't say they didn't know.

I was most definatly a fool to take xp back, but it also taught me a good lesson i think, hell would freeze over now before I would ever even consider having him back, there is just no way no how it would happen.

I don't hate him, i pity him, and imo that is worse, i'd hate anyone to pity me. He had so many chances in his life to have evrything, and every time he chucked it away cos it was too much effort, and there is no way I want that as a role model for my kids.

charliecat · 19/05/2007 10:43

You know, I know what you mean...oh god Going shopping now, fridge is empty.
xx

charliecat · 19/05/2007 13:01

Tryed to send him some links of MSN of flats round here, didnt go down well

DevilsAdvocado · 19/05/2007 13:02

Have you told him that you deffo want to seperate?

charliecat · 19/05/2007 13:08

Oh god yeah, we sat talking last night for hours under the influence of vodka and he has no explanation of why hes been so shitty, apologetic, but relived to a certain extent himself as it has been grim.
Certainly not a life id wish on anyone else.
Says someone told him he hasnt smiled for about 7 years, I said Yeah I told you that as well, and if I laughed you would tell me it wasnt funny????!!!
Its sad, but its got to be done. Im quite pissed off that hes thinking of buggering off to his mums, throwing in a job. Hes going to have to build a life somewhere. I really dont see why he has to go back to mummys to do so.
But, we have MSN these days if he leaves the PC and webcams, so even from 500 miles away he could be virtually in the front room, just a bit sad really. And the visits would get further and further apart.
And, actually, by feck wouldnt it be nice to just ...oh off I go???? Feck me reality check.
I have to check ive got my car keys and OH my 2 dds with me