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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this enough to end it for good?

34 replies

Nochance12 · 04/05/2018 21:24

Been together 3 years.... married but don't live together.... have two children each from previous marriages...

It's always been difficult and now I think it's too toxic to ever work.

Is this enough to think it's better to end it?

Asking me to marry him then leaving me 3 days later for his ex..
Obviously been seeing her behind my back for a while..
Didn't tell Me, just blocked me one day...
Played with my devasted feelings during his "thinking" time by one minute saying he was missing me and could it work.. the next saying he loved her and didnt want me..
Inviting me over after leaving me and saying "hmmm I'm trying to decide which one I want"
(This was a few years ago but he says I should have got over it by now)

One month ago he invited the above ex on linkedin and she accepted and then he lied and said he hadn't seen the TWO different notifications... then deleted all his emails... two major betrayals, having her, the person he left me for on there and lying.. I think he was excited shed accepted and kept her to see if she'd message him...

The constant lies about...
Being on a secret WhatsApp and Facebook account..
Porn
Time spent with women at work
Lipstick found in his house

Stopping me from attending works parties and going out without him

Getting very angry at times and calling me "twat... dick... knob... fucking idiot... thick as shit" but then saying it was just because he was angry and it was my fault for saying what is said (normally asking for more love and attention)

Having me as his lowest priority, even putting cleaning above me.

Having me put my children last to see him yet letting his kids rule his whole life when they are there and never seeing me or my boys anymore.

Love bombing me in the beginning and smothering me with love and poems and soulmate quotes and jealous rants because he couldn't bear to lose me.... then changing to saying he is too busy to text me in the evenings.. or too busy to see me... barely talking, forget to g to actually keep the spark alive as we live apart...

Me going to borrow his hoody for a walk when it was cold and yelling at me "what the fuck are you doing, ask next time!"

Leaving me on a mountain ledge and getting himself to safety and leaving me in 70mph games on ice, crying...

All of the above he has blamed in me in some way (I'm too jealous, needy, annoying, talk too much, expect too much love, aren't flexible enoigh)

So I feel now "if only I try harder" it will get better as he always blames me or do you think that actually he is a selfish manipulative man?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/05/2018 21:30

Why haven't you ended this yet???

MadMags · 04/05/2018 21:32

He’s 100% responsible for his behaviour, and you’re 100% responsible for yours.

After all this you married him. What the actual fuck?

Happygummibear · 04/05/2018 21:32

Yes he is. He is not worth your time or the air that we breathe.

He doesn't deserve your love or anything else not even your anger and hatred.

Draw a line and leave him far behind it.

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with a man like this. There are nice ones out there that treat other human beings with respect.

Hernameisdeborah · 04/05/2018 21:34

He's abusive. Yes, you need to get away from this 'man' for good. He doesn't care about you at all by the sound of it. You deserve so much better. Xxx

AnyFucker · 04/05/2018 21:37

You have to ask ? Confused

NotTheFordType · 04/05/2018 21:37

Leaving me on a mountain ledge and getting himself to safety and leaving me in 70mph games on ice, crying...

You have posted about this man multiple times.

What are you expecting to change?

Original poster
Nochance12 · 04/05/2018 21:38

There are many other things bit he always has a "valid" reason for why I've annoyed him or why he's angry... and has literally made me think it's my fault.

The worst thing is I can't quite end it... I know that he will then go and meet someone else and be the wonderful person I thought I was signing up for a life with..

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/05/2018 21:39

Oh it was enough a long time ago to end it for good.

He's abusive, nasty, and he's treating you like shit. For two reasons. He knows he can and it's who he is.

End it, no one needs to live like this.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2018 21:40

I know that he will then go and meet someone else and be the wonderful person I thought I was signing up for a life with..

Eh, no. He might meet someone else but he will continue to be an abusive piece of shit. It's who he is.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2018 21:42

You are wasting your life

Parky04 · 04/05/2018 21:43

Didn't get any further than married but not living together! What kind of marriage is that?

ChiefSuspect · 04/05/2018 21:48

So what are you going to do? What actual, tangible steps are you going to take to get rid of this man from your life?

Good that there are no joint children.

What about joint assets?

Have you the name of a solicitor to get the ball rolling?

SleightOfMind · 04/05/2018 21:51

He made you put your DCs last

I won’t ask how he ‘made’ you (I hope you give it some thought) but maybe thinking about the impact your unhappiness is having on your DCs might give you the strength to leave.

It’s not just your own life you’re wasting on this horrible bastard

Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2018 21:52

Go out and find a real man. Quickly, there aren't many left!

Bananalanacake · 04/05/2018 22:05

How can he stop you from going to works parties if he doesn't live with you ? you can go where you want, you don't need to check with him. I would end it for that reason alone.

FrogFairy · 04/05/2018 22:07

You do not need any reason to end relationship other than not wanting to be with that person any longer

However, your OP has a metric fuck ton of seriously bad reasons why you should be running for the hills faster than Usain Bolt.

Honestly, please accept this will not get better. This is him. Please set yourself free.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 04/05/2018 22:10

You want strangers to give you permission to leave this man? You need to tell yourself. He's a worthless sack of shit.

You already know you should split, so do it.

MadMags · 04/05/2018 22:18

You chose to put your children last.

You always bloody pop up with another problem about him and you never listen.

So, what’s the point?

Namechanger1404 · 04/05/2018 22:19

You’re bloody lucky not to be living with him!

And no he won’t meet someone else and be the perfect gent, he’s a wrong ‘un, through and through. OP, dump his sorry arse.

IronMansIronButt · 04/05/2018 22:20

you married him why exactly?

Poor kids, yours and his.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 04/05/2018 22:21

Is this the one where he's horrible to your teenage son?

passmetheloppers · 04/05/2018 22:24

The words 'unmitigated bastard' spring to mind.

He's truly awful - get rid of this appalling swine. You will be far, far happier without him.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2018 22:25

Another tyre kicker is it ?

StarlightSparkle · 05/05/2018 07:06

He sounds absolutely horrible. I can’t see what you are getting out of the relationship that is good and positive and why you would want to stay with him. Put your children first, not an awful, abusive man who doesn’t love or respect you.

Mabelface · 05/05/2018 08:55

He's a cunt, and that's not a word I use lightly. You deserve much better than him. If he meets someone else, pity them, because he won't change.

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