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Original poster

Girlfriend look looks - am I overthinking

55 replies

SummerJim · 04/05/2018 12:50

Recently I’ve noticed my gf glancing over at other men when we’re out. I thought nothing of it initially. I mean it’s nice to people watch. But I’ve noticed her chucking looks at good looking guys only (I’m not bad looking myself). Again fine I’ll ignore it. However it’s becoming more frequent and it’s frankly upsetting me. I noticed last Friday I was driving and we stopped beside a bunch of lads. She spotted them and kept glancing over and playing with her hair. Again I ignored it. She had just done her make up and I’m sure she just wanted to feel attractive (I always compliment her). Last night we was at a restaurant and this guy walks in. Nothing particularly attractive about him. But she turns her head on two separate occasions to look at him ( he was sitting to her right). He also gets up and she watches him throughout his endeavours. I noticed this and it upset me but tried not to show it but I am generally very affectionate and she noticed my change in her and was asking me all night what’s wrong. I didn’t want to raise this in case it caused an argument (we’ve been dating 7 months and to date never had a disagreement). Am I overthinking? I told her when we started dating that respect and having eyes for each other only. I treat her well and shower her with love and affection so this is really confusing to me. Should I ignore it. I don’t think raising it will make things better since she’s probably not even aware she does it.

OP posts:
Userwho · 04/05/2018 14:05

A double blind study? The more you write the more terrifying you sound! Just enjoy her company.
By the way, when women ovulate, they're generally more horny and aware of their own attractiveness. Might be as simple as her hormones.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 04/05/2018 14:06

@BrightonCalling 😂 That would defo provoke a response, maybe not a constructive one but a response none the less, If she is one of these "twirl my hair and put my mac make up on " kind of girl she would most definately be put out by this .

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 04/05/2018 14:07

@Userwho wtf , I ovulate and I don't go round eyeballing other dudes . Jesus , us females can control ourselves you know !

Userwho · 04/05/2018 14:09

It doesn't read to me like she's eyeballing though. I might be projecting but this op sounds a tad overbearing.

Userwho · 04/05/2018 14:10

And I do eyeball when I ovulate Grin

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 04/05/2018 14:12

@userwho What part of she turned her head twice around to look at a man on the next table and then watch him get up and walk around is not eyeballing?

In terms of your eyeballing , i have sympathy for your partner if you have one.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 04/05/2018 14:12

For me, it would be a deal breaker. She is looking for others right in front of you. Yes, she knows she is doing it. A one-off would say otherwise, but over and over again: this is who she is.

The bus stop incident: I would have offered to drop her off so she could ride that bus.

In the pub- “we’ll, damn- just go give him your number”.

These are sarcastic responses, but her reaction would tell you all you need to know. If she blushes with embarrassment then you got your message across. If she says, “Really? You’d be ok with that?” Then you know where you stand.

I have conducted a double blind study on this by guaging her reaction
Your relationship is doomed. Now she is a lab rat to you. Nope. Respect is a two way street.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/05/2018 14:26

I have conducted a double blind study on this by guaging her reaction to women of all types and men of all types

OK, you now sound utterly insane, but I’m going to assume/hope that’s a joke. Smile

Original poster
SummerJim · 04/05/2018 14:26

Cheers dude. The double blind bit was tongue in cheek. I was just highlighting I’m trying to apply logic over emotion. Nothing overbearing about me I can assure you!

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerJim · 04/05/2018 14:28

Haha yea of course! Nothing was written down lol. But was applying some objectivity. Don’t want to come across insecure because I am not, just don’t want to blow things up that are not there!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 04/05/2018 14:42

You've only been dating for 7 months. Not an LTR by any means. Could be she's getting itchy feet, could be she's unaware she's doing it, or she doesn't consider it 'flirty'.

You'll never know why she's doing it unless you discuss it with her. Just remember that you don't get to tell her how to behave. And that you shouldn't judge her by your own past 'bad' behaviour.

BTW, I wouldn't like it either if I were you and I would never 'make eyes' at another man when I was with someone I was truly committed to. But if I'd only been dating someone 7 months and wasn't truly committed in my own mind and/or heart......I might. I'm not saying it's not disrespectful, but she is still 'technically' a free woman (i.e. you haven't put a ring on it yet).

Original poster
SummerJim · 04/05/2018 14:47

Thanks. For this reason, if this is indeed ‘her’, I don’t preach or judge but will decide this is not the type of relationship I want. Especially when I’m always conscious of my actions towards others, I don’t ‘expect’ anything I guess, just hope we’re on the same page. I don’t accept the committed thing unless I marry her. The second we called ourself partners I was committed! Appreciate you let responses.

OP posts:
Aridane · 04/05/2018 14:52

I think you need to mention it to her and how it makes you feel. If she persists, then it's time to ditch her. I really wouldn't like it and would feel fundamentally disrespected

Original poster
SummerJim · 04/05/2018 14:59

Agreed I don’t think it’s going to stop on it’s own, just pray she wants this to work as much as I do. Thanks again.

OP posts:
ClosDesMouches · 04/05/2018 15:03

If it's longer than an appreciative glance, it's rude.
Works for men and women.
A quick, preferably discreet, look is fine. Ogling is not

I think if the partner is noticing, it's not subtle and is disrespectful.

Onemansoapopera · 04/05/2018 15:06

Next time I would just ask her straight out "do you realise how rude you're being?" Everybody looks. People who behave properly don't do it disrespectfully and if she cares about you and herself, that will pull her up short.

Hormones are no excuses for rude staring ffs. Imagine if a man said that?! MN would implode!!!

Chippyway · 04/05/2018 15:27

Userwho - you talk crap. I also ovulate yet still have respect for my partner

OP you are a man therefore your replies will be different to what they would had you been a woman.
If you had been a woman, everyone would be telling you your partner was a creep and to leave him

Just because your partner is a female doesn’t make it any less creepy.

Oh, and if she has to eye up other men twiddling her hair to feel good then I’d get rid. How insecure someone must be to play that one

Original poster
SummerJim · 04/05/2018 15:45

Thank you I expected some bias but generally the responses have been very helpful. Cheers.

OP posts:
Userwho · 04/05/2018 17:05

Haha ok sorry I admit I'm biased as very hormonal at the moment and a little like a dog on heat Blush

Drainedandconfused · 04/05/2018 17:59

Totally disrespectful, I would never give appreciative glances to the opposite sex let alone ogling whilst with my partner and he wouldn't either, its mutual respect and could cause insecurity problems as well as a huge dent in self confidence. I would openly ask her why she is eyeing up other men the next time she does it.

deadringer · 05/05/2018 01:07

I would find this very annoying and I would tell her so.

differentnameforthis · 05/05/2018 01:53

OMG.

I have been married for 24yrs this year and dh & I are always looking at, admiring & talking about other people. There's a difference. We look, there is nothing wrong with looking at someone and admiring how they look. It's not to do with respect/self respect at all. I even have pictures of my favourite actor on my phone screen/laptop screen.

But then we are 100% secure in our relationship, so things like this don't bother us because at the end of the day, it's each other we go home to, talk to, cry with, co-parent with and all the rest.

Honestly, do you consider it wrong when you cuddle/talk to children who aren't your own?

differentnameforthis · 05/05/2018 01:57

I am a rational guy, a scentist by trade so I have conducted a double blind study on this by guaging her reaction to women of all types and men of all types. You call yourself rational, yet in the 7mths you have been dating you have conducted a "double blind trial"?

Oh the Irony.

My god, your dates must be tiresome. With you spending SO much time watching her intensely, no wonder her eye wonders. She probably feels like she is under a microscope. How about you go out and engage her, make her feel like there is no one else in room for her to look at, perhaps she will direct her gaze towards you a bit more.

GreenItWas · 05/05/2018 03:33

I think she is not that in to you OP,

JessieMcJessie · 05/05/2018 03:47

I got that the “double blind study” was tongue in cheek, sometimes humour can get lost on here Smile.

I think that you are justified in being upset about her behaviour, so if you can find a very gentle way to raise it with her, then do, but beware that one of the classic things that women say about controlling men is “he goes crazy if I so much look at another man”. Tread carefully.

I had an ex who was an incurable flirt with other women (waitresses were his worst weakness) whilst all the while declaring undying love for me. He was in fact a player and a liar. As another poster said above, you’ve not been together that long and it may be that she is just not that into you anymore.

Good luck.