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Original poster

Advice on Intense Relationship Please...

38 replies

A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 12:05

I met this person online, we talked and talked, met up for coffee, dated, kissed, declarations of being in "like" with each other and had sex all within a short period of time. 3 weeks.

The thing is, they seem to over analyse every single conversation. Where as I'm quite confident that I like this person and am looking forward to the relationship they seem hugely insecure. For example, now I don't want to talk until 3 in the morning they seem hugely put out and the last straw came this morning when they called me at 7am "to say hello"

I answered that I wasn't in a talkative mood so they said goodbye, 5 minutes later I get a text along the lines of

"Sorry for waking you up, I don't think this is going to work, probably best we cancel this evening and the trip we've got planned for the end of the month"

I said "ok, that's fine"

It's not going to get any better is it? I get a feeling there will be a text or call later to discuss this morning and we will just go around in circles....

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 04/05/2018 12:11

Your communication expectations aren't compatible with each other . Some people enjoy a lot of messages / calls when they are in a new relationship , it's the honeymoon period and people can get excited by this so communication is usually more frequent at the beginning . But yes I think you were right to agree to ending things as you both have different expectations in the comms area of the relationship.

Rainboho · 04/05/2018 12:13

Yes - you’re just not compatible. I love lots of communication and so does my DP.

Storm4star · 04/05/2018 12:14

No it won’t get better. I met someone online like that and one evening I was watching a film with my DD so wasn’t answering his texts so he travelled 90 minutes to my place (arrived as the film was ending) because he was so “worried” that i’d been out of contact for all of 2 hours! (Honestly I think he thought he’d “catch” me with another man). It was exhausting and I ended it soon after.

He clearly wanted you to say this morning “oh please don’t cancel blah blah” and then be available for him 24/7

HundredMilesAnHour · 04/05/2018 12:15

They sound very high maintenance. It doesn't sound like you're compatible.

(I must admit their behaviour would drive me nuts so I'm on your side OP).

BitOutOfPractice · 04/05/2018 12:17

I like lots of comms too but blimey that's a bit ott. I think it sounds like he wants to know where you are all the time to me: alarm bells

Original poster
A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 12:34

Last weekend we stayed at a nice hotel and had a really nice day, evening and lots of passion. In the morning I was tired and a bit grumpy to be honest, not sure why. Probably because of 3 weeks of 2am phone calls.

Over breakfast they asked "what are you thinking"

"I'm not thinking anything, stop asking me that" came my reply.

They were massively put out and only came back to normal on Tuesday.

I know a text or a call is coming, should I block them or just be honest?

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 04/05/2018 12:37

I wouldn't block without saying first "Look I just don't think we're compatible so it's best we both move on. All the best" - then block afterwards.

They sound very insecure and needy, it would do my head in. "What are you thinking" drives me insane too, I find it really intrusive. If I wanted you to know what I was thinking about I'd have already told you!

Original poster
A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 12:41

They said that they reason they are insecure is that for the first time in ages they've met someone they really like and it's hard to get used to. It's a shame as I do like them and I think they are a really great person and parent.

But I think they would drive me mad, especially with the "what are you thinking" question.

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 04/05/2018 12:42

Firstly, its not a relationship. Its three weeks of dating a virtual stranger. Easy enough to let go of. They've already effectively finished it...so let it stand and block them.

So many people really are insecure to this degree that they really do expect this level of texting, maybe they thought you were one of these people. Hopefully they learn.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/05/2018 12:43

I HATE being asked what I'm thinking. URGH.

I think you're right, this would be exhausting long-term.

Onemansoapopera · 04/05/2018 12:50

Seriously though OP...what you thinking?
Grin

PotTheRed · 04/05/2018 13:18

Too much too soon... I think it's better to get a grip on a person if you start relationships a bit slower.

He sounds annoying.

BonneMaman77 · 04/05/2018 14:04

Harsh! My oh and I ask this Q of each other quite a bit and it has raised some interesting topics of discussion. But then we are weird like that 😬

The late and 7 am calls though are annoying. Perhaps set the expectations and see if he can deal with them?

Original poster
A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 15:53

Well, I think they've blocked me on whatsapp.....

Which is fine, but they are going to be sending me £90.00 towards the cost of the accommodation I have booked - but I've cancelled it and had a full refund.

Which means I'm going to have to go through the rigmarole of having to contact them to give them the £90 back.........

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 04/05/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eatmycheese · 04/05/2018 16:03

Sorry how old is this person?
All this talk of blocking instead of just being upfront is ludicrous if you’re over fifteen years of age.

If he has done that to you I’d keep his money. Petulant jerk

coolcahuna · 04/05/2018 16:07

Very good call to get out of this one! I was dating someone needy and similar things - lots of 'where have you been?' if I didnt respond quickly. Any lapses in chat (for example spending time with my kids) meant I was going off him.

The worst though was quoting things I had said weeks before! 'When we went for lunch, you said X and Y'.

Its really tiring!

I'm now dating someone waaaay more relaxed.

Original poster
A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 16:41

We're both in our mid 40's.

Won't feel comfy with keeping the £90.........even they even send it.

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 04/05/2018 16:44

If they send it, just bounce it back to their account?

category12 · 04/05/2018 16:47

Well, surely she won't send over the £90 if things are like this.

Yes it seems like too much hard work for this stage of a relationship.

PotTheRed · 04/05/2018 17:00

Bit optimistic (daft) booking weekends away after a mere three weeks of dating. It sounds like you were both very intense.

Original poster
A4710Rider · 04/05/2018 17:02

Yup, no denying it was intense.

OP posts:
Eatmycheese · 04/05/2018 18:10

If you try to contact him about the refund he sounds like the sort of person who will use it in some way for more leverage

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 04/05/2018 18:21

@Eatmycheese I don't think it's a male that's being the keen texter/ caller I think it's a female , not that it makes a difference to the scenario , just saying .

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/05/2018 18:25

Run a mile. No one likes a clingy person.....

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