Advice on Intense Relationship Please...

[A4710Rider]

I met this person online, we talked and talked, met up for coffee, dated, kissed, declarations of being in "like" with each other and had sex all within a short period of time. 3 weeks.

The thing is, they seem to over analyse every single conversation. Where as I'm quite confident that I like this person and am looking forward to the relationship they seem hugely insecure. For example, now I don't want to talk until 3 in the morning they seem hugely put out and the last straw came this morning when they called me at 7am "to say hello"

I answered that I wasn't in a talkative mood so they said goodbye, 5 minutes later I get a text along the lines of

"Sorry for waking you up, I don't think this is going to work, probably best we cancel this evening and the trip we've got planned for the end of the month"

I said "ok, that's fine"

It's not going to get any better is it? I get a feeling there will be a text or call later to discuss this morning and we will just go around in circles....

Can't you write he or she? No-one cares. They is so annoying and clunky.

Oh oops 🙈

People can write what they like. It’s irrelevant whether it’s a he or a she and it’s up to the OP how much they wish to disclose.

As pp said some people love constant texts etc you just incompatible

I would run a mile but I have a friend who would love that.

I had 6 weeks of this with a guy last year. Absolutely exhausting. I couldn’t get a signal on campus and I’d leave classes every day to a barrage of calls, texts, WhatsApp, FB, even Twitter...

Final straw was him turning up at my house - after I’d told him not to because I was too tired (long day at college, 2DC and 1 grumpy toddler who was still adjusting to 10 hours a day in nursery) We were all in bed at 6:30pm when he was banging on the door repeatedly. Ringing my phone which was on silent. I went downstairs in a panic thinking it was the police he was banging so loud! Then he was fuming because I wouldn’t let him in - he said he’d planned to hang out with me before going to his night shift (worked 11-7) I was Repeated that I’d told him not to come over, that his behaviour was obsessive and weird and I didn’t want to see him any more.

Worst thing is, he’s my younger sisters best friend So I was friends with him for years, but as soon as we started dating it was like a switch flicked in his head DSis was fucking horrified and hasn’t spoken to him since.

So yeah some men ARE like this.

They called at 7 am to say hello.
That is madness.
Surely no one likes that.

Sounds like BPD to me.

Only because I have it and I'm EXACTLY like this.

We mean no harm, just don't like the thought of being rejected/abandoned.

I'm an absolute nightmare to be with sometimes, however I do try to make up for it when I'm not being a "prick".

I'd say give them a chance but I'd struggle with someone like me!

@Don’t I understand that you don’t mean any harm, but the point it is, it does harm, at least in my case. It’s not nice to be constantly bombarded; it’s suffocating and actually quite scary. Then there’s the constant guilt tripping because you’re not being attentive enough; the “I had a panic attack because you didnt text me back within half an hour” Having been through The Freedom Programme he set off pretty much every red flag within those 6 weeks. DSis has BPD so I’m somewhat familiar with it on a sibling basis but of course she’s my sister so I don’t mind her calling me at 2am to talk her down.

The being full on in the honeymoon phase is one thing - my DH was initially a bit much for me. Not crazy needy or 7 am calls just very open about that excited to be with new person feeling and gave me space when I told him.

Difference here is this is a real neediness but more it's his reaction to you. "This isn't working" and moodiness when he doesnt get his way reeks of mind games and you couldn't be happy with that. He got issues.

Give him a wide berth even if he does unblock you which he probably will do.

*but gave me space, not and

Nuke, completely get what you are saying.

Admittedly I'm not that bad. I don't like phone calls much and admittedly il only text to reply or say morning/night. I would never bombard someone. I've had people in the past do it to me and it's forced me to evaluate myself in terms of relationships.

I have bombarded an ex once the relationship was completely established however, it turns out he was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant with his child and was ignoring me!

I guess my BPD can be worse in other way.