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Original poster

Is a wife allowed to complain to her husband

50 replies

houseproudme · 02/05/2018 23:52

So today I complained to my husband that he doesn't do enough to help around the house ( he does cook a lot) but when it comes to other chores like cleaning he doesn't do and he says he doesn't have the time to help me. I told him I'm struggling to get things done because I have a toddler and it's hard doing things with a toddler but if I criticise his lack of help or moan about anything he gives me the silent treatment and calls me names and is really horrible to me. Also I confided in him that my ocd has been worse lately and he starts throwing it back in my face shouting st me saying ' I can't stand living with someone like you, you shouldn't have OCD or anxiety it doesn't exist you just want something to hold on to'
I feel like crap... he also says to me ' I will fuck off soon, I'm not growing old with you'

I feel so down and depressed and see no way out. I feel like when he's in a good mood he will 'pretend' he understands but when he's in a bad mood he throws all my faults back in my face and uses them as an excuse to abuse me. I feel like I'm worth nothing

OP posts:

LuisCarol · 03/05/2018 00:05

You're worth more than this.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 03/05/2018 00:06

I am sorry, he shouldn’t be treating you like this, have you confided in friends or family?
Do you work?

AntiHop · 03/05/2018 00:10

You're in an abusive relationship. His behaviour is unacceptable. It's bad enough that he doesn't pull his weight around the house. But the way he's treating you is clearly emotional abuse. It's time to get your ducks in a row and make plans to leave. Also speak you your gp for help with your anxiety and ocd

You deserve better.

Rosielily · 03/05/2018 00:13

he also says to me ' I will fuck off soon, I'm not growing old with you'

He'll be doing you a favour then. Pack his bags to help him on his way!

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2018 00:13

I think you need to have the convo, as clearly the writing's on the wall. You know, the one where you discuss clearly and calmly, how and when the two of you are going to call it a day. He calls you names, and says he's not going to grow old with you? How cruel. We don't try to destroy someone if we love them, so obviously he doesn't. It's not normal behaviour.

Copperbonnet · 03/05/2018 00:14

I will fuck off soon, I'm not growing old with you

Personally I’d be inclined to call his bluff. But that’s just me.

Are you prepared to keep living like this?

Anniegetyourgun · 03/05/2018 07:01

Sounds like you don't have one toddler, you have two. But only one of them is cute.

PlumsGalore · 03/05/2018 07:08

I'd be saying "fuck off now then", in response to your OP a woman is allowed to do anything she wants, and you should.

Ryder63 · 03/05/2018 07:08

Tell him to go. As a pp said - you'll only have one toddler to clean up after then!

DuchyDuke · 03/05/2018 07:10

Does he cook every single day? All meals? Even after work / packed lunches etc? If so might help to swap chores so he does the cleaning instead; suggest it when he’s calm. If he’s still a dick about it then leave him.

cindersrella · 03/05/2018 07:13

Sounds like a delight... unsupportive prick if u ask me. How old is he again...

Cornishclio · 03/05/2018 07:14

That is not acceptable for him to talk to you like that. Have you talked to a doctor re your OCD and anxiety increasing? It is of course a thing and difficult to control if you have a toddler. Do you work or are you a SAHM? Financially are you dependent on him?

TooTrueToBeGood · 03/05/2018 07:15

You are being emotionally abused. The longer it goes on, the lower your self esteem will get and the harder it will be to break free. It's not just affecting you. You risk your child growing up to think this is a normal relationship. You and your child deserve so much more than this.

DevilsDoorbell · 03/05/2018 07:15

Do you see yourself growing old with someone like him? I do hope not.

He’s shown you who he is, he’s very unlikely to change. Get out now whilst you still can.

80sMum · 03/05/2018 07:16

OP, your DH sounds quite abusive and cruel, to be honest. You don't have to put up with that sort of treatment. No wonder you're depressed!

I think you should think very seriously about whether your marriage is worth holding onto. Maybe it would be better all round if you called it a day? Your husband seems to be already planning to leave you.

12PurpleSnails · 03/05/2018 07:17

Why on Earth are you still with him? What example is he setting to your child?

Grammar · 03/05/2018 07:18

It's not always as easy as that though, is it? Especially if you have added challenges like OCD.
OP, this IS emotional abuse. YOU do not want or need to grow old with him. His words are huge ref flags.
I would think things out carefully. And do it soon, as he thinks you are dependant on him.
Get all certificates, paperwork photo copied, seek help from others, friends and family if possible, and LOOK INTO THE FUTURE with this man.
Have a plan and strategy to resort to.
Make notes of all verbal negative comments ( as close to word for word as is possible). And then get out.
Repeat. This is emotional abuse and it WILL get worse.
I wish you all the luck in the world. X

mrspicklepants27 · 03/05/2018 07:18

My husband does no cooking, cleaning, washing, childcare, or anything. He does work, minimum hours, and he does do some diy (eventually)
I totally feel your pain. If I complain I'm labelled ungrateful

Grammar · 03/05/2018 07:23

In fact, they're not red flags...he is actually threatening to leave you. It's like having The Sword of Damocles over yourself. It's only matter of time more inexorable pain.

mimibunz · 03/05/2018 07:23

He’s an emotional abuser. Are you doing anything about your OCD? My sister is similar and although her husband is tidy and helpful she has the need to deep clean the house from top to bottom almost every day. It becomes a quality of life issue for them both.

Ryder63 · 03/05/2018 07:23

Fucking hell, mrspicklepants27 once again I'm astounded by women in 2018 who skivvy for their adult DH

Grammar · 03/05/2018 07:23

'and' more inexorable pain.

MyOtherProfile · 03/05/2018 07:25

Do you hace some support near by? This relationship is ending and it will be better for you if you can make it hapoen soon.

DrMorbius · 03/05/2018 07:34

My husband does no cooking, cleaning, washing, childcare, or anything

You get what you deserve (or put up with) in life. I'm lucky to have my DW, we are partners. If I tried to pull any of that crap, she would have me out the door (rightfully so). You need to look at your self worth. Any relationship not built on equality (love, respect etc) is not worth having.

If I complain I'm labelled ungrateful ungrateful for what exactly that he does f**k all

PsychedelicSheep · 03/05/2018 07:41

It sounds as though he’s been very unkind, however people with uncontrolled OCD can be hell to live with and maybe he’s at the end of his rope with it, we’re only getting your side of the story here. What are you doing to take responsibility for treating your OCD so it doesn’t impact on your family?

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