Is a wife allowed to complain to her husband

[houseproudme]

So today I complained to my husband that he doesn't do enough to help around the house ( he does cook a lot) but when it comes to other chores like cleaning he doesn't do and he says he doesn't have the time to help me. I told him I'm struggling to get things done because I have a toddler and it's hard doing things with a toddler but if I criticise his lack of help or moan about anything he gives me the silent treatment and calls me names and is really horrible to me. Also I confided in him that my ocd has been worse lately and he starts throwing it back in my face shouting st me saying ' I can't stand living with someone like you, you shouldn't have OCD or anxiety it doesn't exist you just want something to hold on to'
I feel like crap... he also says to me ' I will fuck off soon, I'm not growing old with you'

I feel so down and depressed and see no way out. I feel like when he's in a good mood he will 'pretend' he understands but when he's in a bad mood he throws all my faults back in my face and uses them as an excuse to abuse me. I feel like I'm worth nothing

As other PPs have said, this is a big red flag. I wonder if he left, your OCD and anxiety would improve?

My ExH was like this and my long term chronic condition improved when I eventually kicked him out. I’d finally realised what a terrible example of a marriage we were setting to my DDs. Him being abusive; me letting him abuse me.

Almost immediately my life became easier and I’ve never looked back.

I have severe anxiety and it's very difficult for my DH. He bottles up all his emotions and will explode every few months. It's not my fault, but I am an absolute nightmare to live with and I can understand how hard it must be for him.

Do you work, OP, or are you a SAHM? Is there some resentment there that you aren't doing the bulk of the cleaning while he's at work?

He sounds vile OP. You need to leave him first - call it doing him a favour!

Thank you everyone. Yes I a SAHM

With the OCD , I gave harm OCD not the cleaning OCD. Harm ocd is intrusive thoughts of me or my children being hurt and me being scared I will hurt someone, there's lots more to harm ocd but my ocd doesn't impact him at all because it's only me who is going through the turmoil in my mind not him. I don't usually talk to him about it because he's very judgemental toward people with anxiety and depression, he just says people should deal with life and be happy and that anxiety doesn't exist. I told him last night that I think
My OCD anxiety is increasing because of stress at home and that's why he went mad. I've had ocd since I was a child and my mum didn't get me help so I've lived with it ever since. I think he takes stress out on me as well because his family needing money ect that he can't give them..

Anxiety and OCD don't exist!????
Wow - he's a knob-head!
Are you getting help and support for your conditions?
Counselling or therapy?

And he's shouldn't be 'helping' you.
He should be doing his FAIR SHARE!!!
He lives there too and he should be doing what he can.

He sounds abusive as well which is something you should NEVER put up with.
Call Womens Aid and have a chat with them about all of this.
The scales are falling and you need to see this for what it is.

When he says 'I will fuck off soon'
Tell him soon isn't soon enough and he fuck off right now.
Watch him back-pedal!

You can do without this shit. Tell him to leave. 💐

Are you getting treatment for your ocd? If not see your GP

Re the household chores - many people have an arrangement where the stay at home parent deals with the home whilst the other works.

This is my situation and tbh my oh does not cook I’d be delighted if he did!

Is it that he isn’t helping with your child?

I think you need to have a discussion around expectations. I don’t think his contribution to the chores is entirely unreasonable.

I do think his attitude towards you sounds cruel and cold. I wonder if this is why your anxiety is worse rather than anything else?

Sometimes we think we are unhappy about the chores when in reality that minor thing is masking a wider problem. In your case it could be emotional abuse.

You probably need to talk to someone like WA to ascertain what is truly going on here

he also says to me ' I will fuck off soon'

I would encourage him to 'fuck off sooner'.

Seriously. You will probably find your anxiety and stress gets much better without this man child criticising you and being horrible.

It sounds like you need to leave for your own mental health. It sounds like a horrible environment. You've got this OP, you can leave and have a far better life away from him xx

I don't have a support network close to me. My mum and family live in a different town from me. I have tried moving back there but it's difficult trying to find deposits and all that for a private rent round there. I did put my name on the council list but I'm only in medium band so it could take years and years before being offered anywhere. I grew up where she lives and I only moved where we are now due to meeting my husband. It would be helpful to live near my family but it's hard.

Could you just go stay with them for a bit?

What an awful thing to say to your wife

'I will fuck off soon' - now seems as good a time as any. I think a break would do you good. Your mental health will benefit from being away from this abusive arse.

I really feel for you, OP. It sounds to me like you could do with a break. Is it possible you could take your toddler away for a few days and leave him a letter explaining how you feel? Write it when you are calm and get it off your chest. Maybe suggest relationship counselling? I know a lot of other posters are saying to leave but life is complicated, you have a home and child together and I think it’s worth considering (unless there is other abuse you are not telling us about). Good luck x

He's cheated

You were all right

I'm in bits

I can't cope
I'm shaking

I'm so sorry OP.

We was having tea.. his phone lit up ( he had put it on silent) and I glanced over to just let him know he had a call from such and such a person and a woman's name came up.. at first he lied saying it's work so I said 'ring back it might be important' he then went into his car and drove off..

He then text me saying it was a girl he's met and he was just chatting and hadn't slept with her but we all know that's a bag of lies... he's not come back... I'm so hurt.. we have kids.. I'm a SAHM what am I going to do? I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with this

Yes you are strong

Do not let him back in the house

I just escaped a terrible abusive relationship

Was hell

Had to flee with a newborn baby

This man is treating you horrendously
Your life will be better without him

The man is a vile bastard. You will be well rid of him.

He's now blaming me saying I drove him to do it because I have too many 'mental issues'
I've hardly slept and he has not come back. I feel drained with it all

Youi did not drive him to it. He's just twisting the knife and absolving himself of guilt for not looking after you.

You need to get to some support today. Ring your mum and ask if it is possible for you to stay there until you get everything sorted.

What an absolute shitbag.
Find that tiny ounce of self worth my dear. It's in there! Get angry. Throw him out on his ear

Start a new thread with affair in the title so posters who’ve been where you are can come and help.

This is not your fault. He is a vile man. This is your opportunity to get rid of him. Can your dm come and stay with you so you don't have to leave your own home. Look at all social welfare help. Please do not let him back. It will be difficult for a while but your anxiety will improve without him there.