I've just called AA

[3StepsToHeaven]

Spoke to a lovely guy, told me to get to a meeting tonight. I'm really scared but I'm going. Nothing g good has ever come from me drinking. I have two boys and I want to be the best I can for them. I'm such a fuck up but I want to change. Wish me luck!

I just wanted to join the chorus of 'well done'!
It's a huge step.
It's going to be tough.
So many situations are focussed on drinking.
But you'll do it.
You are in the right head space and you've taken the steps to get yourself some help.
You'll have shit days.
But you'll have real triumphs as well.
Don't beat yourself up if you have a slip up.
Just get back on the wagon and carry on.

Thanks again. Sitting in a coffee shop with ds. He's cooing and gurgling. Sitting here thinking of all the situations I've got myself into. The danger I've put myself in. That wasn't ok but at least I didn't have dc then. Now I have black outs and feel so terrible. I've had a (another) referral to SS and I'm so scared. I've always down played it before, or blamed others.....but it's all me, all my doing and I need to chance....this may sound selfish but I was trying to think if I'm doing this for me dc.....but honestly I'm doing it for me, I don't think it would work any other way for me right now...I've been too selfish. I never want to wake up again not knowing how noisy I was, wondering what time I went to bed or wonder wtf I got up too.

You have everything lined up to succeed though. Staying in AA will help you with SS. You really sound ready for this. Well done.

No it's absolutely NOT selfish. You can't change for anyone else. You need to change for you. Of course it'll be great for your friends and family too but you can't do it for you. Don't beat yourself up over the past. Make a better future.

Hi OP from another in recovery. It's great. My life is so much better for it.
I too went through the social services investigations and pressure - I'm here if you want to PM about that.
I went to AA for about 18 months but personally find involvement in my local church has been much more effective for me. I think now you've been referred to SS anyway you might as well look at any NHS services, especially if there's an Intuitive Recovery course in your area which looks at the mental compulsion to take the first drink. AA will tell you God relieves you of that, and it's true, but I liked understanding some of what my mind does in those seconds/minutes/hours. Wishing you great success for yourself and your family.

Have to contradict another poster i'm afraid - there's no point in going into recovery telling lies (no idea why you'd start out at your first meeting lying about being sober for 3months as PP suggested). Sure be cautious about who you give your number to and only share what you feel comfortable to share as you feel comfortable to do so.

However having phone numbers is a life saver to many in early sobriety. Picking up the phone can literally save your life and it's not easy if you've gotten used to isolating and hiding and being so bogged down in shame that you can't reach out to or be honest with anyone. So please do disregard that advice.

I was warned to remember there are some very sick people in AA.

Best advice stick with the winners, get in the middle of the bed, keep coming back and remember it is just one day at a time. Get the Just for Today card and stick it on the wall by the loo or your bedside.

I'm not anywhere near perfect with practising my programme consistently but even reading that card can help me focus. I particularly like the reminders to stay in the present and not try to 'tackle my whole life problem'.

One friend is obsessed with saying she just lives her life trying to do the next right thing. So if she gets lost in thinking or negativity or anything destructive for her she can recalibrate by thinking what's the next right thing? Which may be as simple as ah yes, I was going to make a healthy dinner for myself or hmm I''ll get on and put that washing on. Whatever!

Take it easy on yourself and take life slow is my best advice for early sobriety. There is a lot of facing things we've done in the past because it all starts to hit us how much we've lost or caused or hurt ourselves or others. The object isn't to beat yourself up though and there's plenty of time to work through all that. There is also a lot of new emotions and states to deal with that previously we didn't have to work through because the answer would have been to reach for a drink.

Go easy, be gentle on yourself, pick up the phone. (I was and still am nearly two years later pretty awful at that last one!)

Well done you have taken that first step
I would suggest you get to more meeting in your early recovery It may mean your OH looking after the children but in the long term it will benefit you all
Early sobriety can be testing and having the support through your early days I found was invaluable Sometimes you have to put your wellbeing first and this is one of these times

Staying sober for you, looking after yourself, is not in the least 'selfish' - you are worse than useless for your DCs not just when you are actively drunk, but also when you are hungover, when/if you have withdrawal, when all you can think of is where the next drink is coming from, when you do things that you would not do when sober, when you do things you can then not remember.

Looking after yourself may be something you have to learn. It is part of loving yourself, 'love' rather than 'like' because of course there will be things you do not like about yourself.
'Self-love' is really fully accepting yourself, warts and all, strengths and weaknesses, and giving yourself some nurturing, loving care. Loving yourself does not mean you leg yourself off the hook, but you accept that you are a fallible human being and that you are doing the best you can. Cut yourself a bit of slack, avoid being self-critical while acknowledging your failing.

What you are doing is 'selfish' in the best possible way - you deserve to be prioritised, and sometime you will be the only person who prioritises you, so do it.
Your DCs will grow up and will become old enough to appreciate the monumental thing you are doing for them by doing it for you.