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Original poster

Do i owe him an explanation?

42 replies

Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 00:11

I've been dating a guy for about 2.5 months, we haven't had a conversation about exclusivity.

He's been kind to me but I don't think we're right for each other long term partly due to disagreement about some.things like visiting strip clubs and partly as we just dont have a huge amount in common.

I also feel a bit disrespected about the way he's spoken about a woman at work (although we're not exclusive, I don't tell him all about other guys I meet or find attractive. Neither of us ask)

Ghosting is awful and I'd like to.avoid that but what is the bare minimum I can do in these circs to end things politely without getting into a conversation? Would a text be really bad?

OP posts:
joopy79 · 30/04/2018 00:21

Would you want to be dumped by text?

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 30/04/2018 00:24

Tell him the truth, treat him as you would like if this were reversed

Original poster
Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 00:26

No, you're right.

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 30/04/2018 00:30

I'm in a similar predicament op....but I asked him could we have a chat tomorrow....and I'm just going to be honest,and hopefully feel better for it.

PhaedrasChocolate · 30/04/2018 00:34

Could you not do it by phone? That's acceptable after 2 and a half months I reckon.

Original poster
Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 00:45

Bexter and Phaedra- yes I think a phone convo would be fair. Best to be honest.

I won't mention about the woman though as it would only make me look jealous which isn't really the point.

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 30/04/2018 00:49

No I wouldn't bring up the woman,it would seem like your looking for an argument. Be calm,no head games,it is what it is....

PhaedrasChocolate · 30/04/2018 00:51

You don't actually owe him anything, so it's completely your choice.

PrizeOik · 30/04/2018 02:56

I'd ghost. You're dumping him for being disrespectful and misogynist. Why on Earth give such a man an opportunity to verbally abuse you / say horrid things.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 30/04/2018 04:08

Phone is nicest. Ghosting is an incredibly awful thing to do.

Copperbonnet · 30/04/2018 04:32

I’d call him and say that you’ve enjoyed getting to know him but you don’t see a future together and you wish him well.

If he asks why not just say that you don’t think you share enough in common.

Be kind but be brief. If you are nervous write yourself some bullet points for what you want to say.

Cleavergreene · 30/04/2018 05:21

Tell him he’s a dud root? Smile

^ joke!

Anniegetyourgun · 30/04/2018 07:05

Phone is nicer than dragging someone out for what they fondly believe is a date but turns out to be a dumping, I'd have thought.

category12 · 30/04/2018 07:44

I don't think there's anything wrong with ending things by text. Meeting up just to get dumped is a kinda horrible thing for everybody, I don't understand why some people think that's better.

Texting or phoning at least lets a person react privately. You've only been together a couple of months and it's casual, it's not like breaking off an engagement.

Original poster
Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 10:35

Thanks everyone... I won't ghost. I dont think he'd react nastily.

My last ex had the decency to end things properly and I appreciated it (although it hurt a lot) so I will do this guy the same courtesy even though the relationship is not as serious.

Phone call tomorrow it is. Argh.

Bexter- hope it goes well today and you meet someone who is a better fit.

OP posts:
PhaedrasChocolate · 30/04/2018 10:38

Can't you do it today and get it out of the way? You'll feel so much better when its done.

Original poster
Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 11:15

I'd prefer to but have a work event until late

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 30/04/2018 13:33

I think a polite text and say you hate meeting anyone to end things as everyone just feels awkward and in public , hence why you have texted

Original poster
Northernclemency · 30/04/2018 16:08

Sorry, so just one more point!

If I'm going to call, would it be better to text him a heads-up beforehand, a 'can we talk about us?' kind of thing?

I don't think he'll be devastated or anything, I just want it to be as kind and simple as possible. He's not perfect but has been decent to me on the whole.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 30/04/2018 16:30

he sounds shit, just send him a text, be done with it, you owe him jack shit.

category12 · 30/04/2018 16:59

Text "we need to talk" beforehand and when you phone he'll then probably get in there first. Job done. Wink

KinkyAfro · 30/04/2018 18:20

Text. It was only 2.5 months, texting isn't ghosting someone

rwalker · 30/04/2018 18:27

just ring tell him it's not working for you .No need for massive fall out

Jaxhog · 30/04/2018 18:29

Phone. Tell him it's you not him.

DalmatianDots · 30/04/2018 18:56

I might send a warning text.

No idea what I’d put in it though Grin

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