Partner wants another child, for me to rely on him again?

[am89]

Last year I was having issues with my partner, over me getting a promotion and ending up in me earning more than him. He didn’t like me earning more and wanted me to quit one of my jobs (I work two jobs, one from home). I did actually post on here about it. In the end, we worked around the earning problem, and I didn’t quit either of my jobs!
Up until last month, everything was going smoothly till he turned around and mentioned my salary being higher than his, and how he feels inadequate over it. The conversation did end up quite malicious. Anyway, since then he has been absolutely insistent that we try for another baby. We have one dd, and after she was born we both chose to not have any more. But all of a sudden he’s changed his mind, he is bugging for us to stop contraception, and that we try. He says It’s not fair for me to not want to have another child with him, and that I should do this for him. He then went on to say that if I did become pregnant, during maternity leave I will be able to rely on his income. As soon as he said that I knew he wasn’t wanting a child, he wants me to be vulnerable again, relying on him. I don’t even know what to do about this whole situation, I’m so freaked out by it all. He is away on a stag do till tomorrow afternoon, and I want to have a conversation with him about it all, what do I say??!!

Sorry for the long post!

Tell him to grow up! Its so NORMAL for women to earn the same/more than men these days.

Is he this ridiculous in other areas of life? He's setting a terrible example for your DD.

Definitely don't have more with him. You refer to him as partner, I take it you're not married? I'd run a mile whilst you still can.

OP - why are you with this man? Does he have any redeeming qualities other than massive inferiority complex....
Also - did he even mention marriage?
Having more children together - and potentially damaging your career - surely should come with the protection of marriage?
No?

Stay on your own contraception... alternatively find a MAN that's not a neanderthal DICK

Don’t have any more children with him.
He sounds mean and regressive.

I would be terrified to rely on him given his attitude.
Congratulations on the promotion- don’t let him hold you back!!

Ask him he’s do desperate for another, will he go part time to look after them?

That’s creepy and twisted. Changing your whole stance on having children purely so that your partner doesn’t earn more than you?

Don't say anything just chuck his stuff outside the house and change the locks! Seriously though why are you putting up with this shit? You're obviously a capable woman earning good money so why put up with it? Get rid of him; he's a loser.

Wow he’s a catch!! NOT! He has major issues. Leave him.

Watch the freedom programme video introduction. There's a bit in there about keeping your partner pregnant as a form of control.

vimeo.com/ondemand/thefreedomprogramme

More red flags than Moscow on May the First.

He sounds like a bully. He has to be earning more and be in control. He’s horrible! How can you stand this? Get rid of him, enjoy your freedom and enjoy your great career

Tell him that as you’re the higher earner, he would have to stay home and you’d have to go straight back to work. See his reaction. And then leave the tosser

I wouldn't be able to resist saying 'You just want me to be pregnant again so you're earning more than me and I'm reliant on you, like last time. We've already discussed having more children and decided against it. I haven't changed my mind and I'm not going to be pushed into another pregnancy just so you can be in control'. See what he says to that.

He’s trying to control you. Having another child with him is a TERRIBLE idea. He doesn’t want a child, he wants more power over you by putting you in a vulnerable position.

Get away from him.

I want to have a conversation with him about it all, what do I say??!!
What do you want the outcome of the conversation to be?

Your op reminds me of the bit in the office where David Brent says he wants to go out with a woman slightly less intelligent than he is.

Seriously, take some time to consider whether you want to be in this relationship, it won’t end with this.

And make sure he can’t tamper with your birth control.

I remember your original thread and can’t beieve your still with this twat.

He says It’s not fair for me to not want to have another child with him, and that I should do this for him

DP would love another child, but I wouldn't, so we won't. DP accepts that, because he's not trying to control me and has no other motivation than thinking our first 2 kids are nice, and wanting more of the nice-ness

No always trumps yes, especially when you'd be the one putting your life at risk to do it.

You know all this, you see his motivations, you clearly have a good head on your shoulders, having been through this before with him - perhaps it's time to re-evaluate, because whatever agreement you thought you'd reached before, clearly hasn't stuck.

Please, just make sure that you have your contraception sorted, and it can't be tampered with, people who are desperate do crazy things.

I have always earned more money than dh, it's never been an issue for dh, and nor it should be.

Your DP is seriously acting like a twat and if you definitely don't want any more dc than please don't just to appease this man-child.

I agree with hiphop. Turn around and say he will need to be the stay at home partner.

Seriously op, this isn't normal. And is the the attitude you want your kid growing up with, shaping her view of what is ok?

You could start off by channelling your inner Beyoncé just for the joy of annoying him.

Uh oo uh oo uh oo uh oo.

But in the long run you should be thinking of finding someone who is proud of your achievements and doesn't want to relegate you to being pregnant and shoeless in the kitchen.

am89

re your comment:-
"He says It’s not fair for me to not want to have another child with him, and that I should do this for him. He then went on to say that if I did become pregnant, during maternity leave I will be able to rely on his income".

Those are two enormous red flags right there and neither can be ignored or minimised. The second part of this smacks of him being then able to financially control and abuse you that way as well.

You may have won the last round with him but you did not win the war. It is not your fault he is the ways he is, you did not make him controlling; his own parents did that.

A conversation with this person now should be to state that your relationship with him is now over. You do not need such an inadequate man in your life, a man who detests the very fact that you now earn more than he does. Who died and made him King?. What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?.

If he wants to be the higher earner, surely he needs to go for promotion or a higher paying job, not for you to give up your job.

No always trumps yes.

Please don't make yourself vulnerable, especially as you're not married. Having two DC is very different from having one.

Make sure you have contraception he can't mess with.

Make sure you have contraception he can't mess with.

This

Get an implant or iud and have a serious think about your relationship with him.