An open letter to my hospital

[LetDownandFrustrated]

I'm sorry I wasn't very gracious when you cancelled my operation this week.

It's very kind that you have offered to send me another date but I can't just come another day.

I had been planning for this for six months, when I first asked my GP if I could possibly get sterilised on the NHS.

My other options are no longer suitable, my partner is unwilling to have a vasectomy (even though that would be a minor procedure under local anaesthetic) or use condoms and he helps himself to my body when I'm asleep.

I'm trying to split up but he won't leave. I'm working on that.

I had arranged for someone to be around overnight and childcare for my kids. One of my children has ASD and I had prepped them that I wouldn't be around in the evening and I'd be at the hospital but I'm fine and no need to worry.

I'd arranged a week off work with unpaid leave and annual leave because I don't get sick pay.

I'd psyched myself up for a general anaesthetic and had been washing with the special shower gel all week and fasted all day, with a headache from caffeine withdrawal and the sides of my mouth are dry and cracking.

So when you cancelled me at half past five in the evening I was very upset. This was my only chance. I can't do all that again.

I absolutely cannot risk another pregnancy /another child.

(for clarity, I didn't have a go at anyone, I work in healthcare and I know it's a fact of life that things get cancelled sometimes. But I'd been assured that as a day case who wasn't dependent on the availability of a hospital bed post op, it was extremely unlikely to get cancelled.)

I can't use the depot or the pill for medical reasons

I'm sorting a coil in the meantime

I'm going to speak to some family to see if they can financially (I'm totally OK for funds but it would help me move house more easily.) I have money put aside for the solicitor it's been coming a long time.

I have a decent job and supportive boss who knows some of it, I could be in a much worse position tbh, I have got options it's just scary having to take them iykwim

I have a good friend in a similar situation except she really doesn’t have any options and is in such a difficult situation.

I know it’s incredibly scary, but please put yourself first and get out while you can

You really need to get out whilst you can 😢

Sorry your op got cancelled

I am old enough to be your Mum. Go to Police and go to gp to arrange a coil. Please do this now.

Thank you gussy unfortunately my mum is long dead, I'm sure if I had one I'd have gone home to her years ago

So, you have the means. You have the desire. You know you need to do something to stop all this.

The time to act is upon you. Be brave.

Keep on keeping on, I hope you are free from your rapist so very very soon

Op, I'm so sorry about your Mum. Mine died recently too. She was my port in any storm.
Please muster up whatever bit of courage you can dig out - I know it must be very hard - and get away from this situation. At least get a coil fitted as the minimum. Speak to your gp - I'm sure they'd help generally.

@LetDownandFrustrated Do what you need to as you are able, you know this best yourself. I am sorry your op got cancelled. It's not acceptable whats happening to you and you need

Thanks smurfy bit dusty in here eh

Solicitor is very soon. It's so hard living with him at the moment. He's so blind to everyone's feelings, totally oblivious.

Well since I posted this I have seen he has set up a a profile on a hookup site (not activated it though, it was in spam) . He's been spiteful to our children. I spoke to him about the p0rn and got the usual bullshit about how he didn't think I'd mind and he doesn't understand about deleting history /using incognito tabs etc.

It's all imploding

Some twattish responses. OP didn't ask for input about her partner or whether she should get sterilised FFS. She knows she needs to ltb and is working on it.
I'm sorry to hear they cancelled OP, that really sucks

Have you seen a solicitor yet?

The OP has requested we move this thread over to relationships.

@LifeBeginsAtGin yes I have, it was really useful. They have suggested sending a letter now as a warning shot (because there will shortly be a relevant change in his circumstances) and we have drafted some grounds for an unreasonable behaviour petition, but not filed anything yet.

Op as others have said, your frustration and ire is directed at entirely the wrong place. The NHS does a brilliant job, but has to ration resources daily/hourly. Your situation while personally frustrating is not life threatening.

Sadly once again it appears that the NHS is being used to overcome an issue that should be sorted elsewhere. I am sorry if this is blunt, but stop this animal raping you. That's the issue.

For you OP. So sorry you’ve been cancelled when you’re already having such a difficult time. We are a first world country, it’s not bloody good enough

I know the cancelled op is the least of my worries in most ways. That's pretty much why I asked for the thread to be moved to relationships

He really doesn't get that the cumulative effect of all these things means we're done. In his head it seems to be a number of isolated discrete rows /discussions rather than symptoms of the fact it's over. Done.

Do you have a spare room with a lock on the door? Failing that put a lock on your bedroom room and he can sleep on the sofa.

No spare room unfortunately but we are rarely both at home overnight due to shift work, which is handy. Only generally two nights a week or so.

We are all happier and more relaxed when he's not here

I'm glad the solicitor appt went well. Does the solicitor know about him 'helping himself'?

Hang in there, you're nearly out!

This may sound silly, but could you try sleeping in a sleeping bag? Even a cotton sleeping bag liner might make it too hard.

Just a brief update. He's no longer in the house. I can't really explain more without outing myself.
But we have separated, I am going to be divorcing him.

The support from here (and elsewhere) has helped. Thank you lovely vipers

Well done OP I'm sure you and your family are going to be much more happy and relaxed in the long run!

It's pretty horrible at the moment but I already feel a bit better just because I'm sleeping alone. I'm not entirely sure how I'll sort childcare in the future (in holidays particularly) but my boss is really accommodating.

It's the wider picture that's a bit intimidating, his family had really welcomed me and I'll be outside that now I suppose.

But I'll get there in time.

This may sound glib, but surely what his family thinks is the bottom of your priorities. You have made a massive step in the right direction and sod what others think. Congratulations and here's to the future!