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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mansplaining

30 replies

WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 10:41

My STBX husband doesn't 'do' conversation. He does lectures. He talks at me, explaining stupid things in great detail, putting me down. He doesn't ask.

Today I asked him about musical rhythm as I'm struggling a bit with it. Cue long lecture. He knows best. He understands it perfectlyHmm and it is something only special people like him have.

Like with sex, I don't know what I am supposed to do. If I'm not in the room it makes no difference. He will just carry on. If I have my back to him he will carry on.

I told him he was mansplaining. Of course he leapt to his defence. I said, it's ok, women can femsplain as well. Is femspain a word?

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 28/04/2018 10:53

If he’s your STBXH then what does it matter? You won’t have to listen to him anymore. And no, it’s not a thing or a word.

ScreamingValenta · 28/04/2018 10:59

It was unwise to ask him to explain musical rhythm to you, as you were aware of his tendency to lecture.

What do you mean by 'like with sex'? Does he know he's soon to be your ex?

It sounds as though you need to distance yourself from him.

AJPTaylor · 28/04/2018 11:09

Weird post. What is it you are asking? Why are you engaging with him?

HoHoHoHo · 28/04/2018 12:27

He carries on with sex when you are not in the room? That's an interesting mental image.

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 15:57

ha ha!! Femsplaining IS a word!! Learned something new! Yay! Femspain I don't think is...

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 28/04/2018 16:21

Does he know he's your soon to be ex?

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 16:58

The divorce had to come from him. I told him I wanted a divorce as I couldn't take that he condoned the violence of a child against a parent. He realised I was serious and needed to pip me to the post. As always, he blames me for his behaviour. So yes, he knows.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 28/04/2018 17:03

WHY are you asking someone you know has form for being really condescending to explain things to you?!

Why are you having sex with this man?

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 17:14

????? I haven't had any physical contact now with my husband for several years. He used to grope me and do disgusting things to me when I was sleeping. The marital home is going on the market very soon. Anyone have a problem with trying to have a conversation?

OP posts:
SomeKnobend · 28/04/2018 17:21

He carries on having sex with you while you leave the room? Does he just follow you out like a conga, or does he just carry on where he is, on his own, hoping you'll come back and re-assume the position?

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 17:37

Ha ha! He used to do sex AT me. I told him in the dim and distant past that he'd be better off with a pot noodle. Apparently some men like that sort of thing... Bleugh.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 28/04/2018 17:45

He used to do sex AT me.

Am I being really slow here? I have absolutely no idea what you mean!

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 17:49

That's good that you don't understand, Appuskidu. I didn't know what it was until I met my husband. It means being treated like an object. A thing to satisfy his needs. On Amazon, there are limbless, headless sex toys with holes in them. I found one, and thought, oh yes, that's what I felt like.

OP posts:
adayatthebeach · 28/04/2018 17:53

He sounds vile. No one should be treated like an object.

Appuskidu · 28/04/2018 18:30

Yuck-you poor thing, that is just vile.

At least you won’t have to poke up with him for much longer by the sounds of it!

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 28/04/2018 18:55

Pokemon the Bed! My counselling with Rape Crisis starts next week.

OP posts:
SevenStones · 29/04/2018 20:47

My ex husband used to do sex at me too. That's the only bit of the thread I've actually understood.

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 29/04/2018 21:06

It's horrible isn't it. The bits I struggle with is the entitlement and total lack of consent.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 29/04/2018 21:11

Count down the days until you don't have to listen to him any more...

cmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 29/04/2018 21:15

Have you had a drink and I'm not judging you're just rambling ...

gamerchick · 29/04/2018 21:20

He carries on having sex with you while you leave the room? Does he just follow you out like a conga, or does he just carry on where he is, on his own, hoping you'll come back and re-assume the position?

Sorry OP I properly laughed at the picture this put in my head.

I also don’t know what the sex thing means but it doesn’t sound pleasant.

missmorleyme · 29/04/2018 21:21

Im really not gettin the whole jist of this thread, no offence op bht like pp you do seem to be rambling. I thunk im gonna go back ti the start and try and nake sense of it again.

Original poster
WellDoneTiger · 29/04/2018 21:53

No booze. Trying to make sense of a terrible situation. I am living in a domestic nightmare. Apologies for sou ding like I'm rambling.

OP posts:
mzcracker · 29/04/2018 22:03

Tip for the mansplaining, carry headphones with you, when he starts, pop them in and put music on . Drown the fucker out.

I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time.

cmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 30/04/2018 07:16

Leave him get our life is to short to be terribly unhappy !