I’ve been “seeing” someone for nearly six months who I think the world of. He has always left me unsure of where I stand, being keen one minute and distant the next. He has admitted this is deliberate. I’ve not met his friends or family and am not part of his everyday life despite asking for this to change. I’m aware that I’ve allowed myself to inadvertently become a booty call and ego boost, albeit one that he cares about and keeps in touch with regularly. He’s told me he isn’t looking for a relationship currently. This is code for not wanting a relationship with me, I know, rather than not wanting a relationship with anyone. We get on well, I enjoy his company and I want to be able move on from wanting him as a partner and maybe becoming friends rather than cutting him dead.
I’ve hung around and given him the space he has wanted. Whenever I withdraw emotionally from him, he then puts lots of effort in and I respond thinking maybe he has changed. But he never does. I know I’m incapable of blocking him, it just left me more obsessed. But I have three weeks of not seeing him as he is off travelling with friends and I know that I will get the odd text but nothing meaningful. I want to use the time to build my confidence back up, to look after myself better and to really think through what I want from my life. It has become almost a habit to sit and think about him/a possible relationship and I’m struggling to break this. I’m starting to take him down off the pedestal I’ve put him on but it isn’t easy and I find myself thinking back to when I first met him and how he swept me off my feet.
Any tips for mentally breaking that mental and emotional link with someone would be appreciated. I don’t want him gone for good without me first talking to him about my wants and feelings but right now, I’m so wrapped up in him, it’s difficult to get any clarity.