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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF driving me mad, acting weird, think it's over :-(

73 replies

Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 05:58

I'm going mad and I don't know what to do.....

Not had any contact with my bf for 24hrs, no texts etc. Very out of character. He was chatting to me early yesterday morning (he wakes really early for work and I don't sleep much so we tend to start texting at ridiculous o clock ) and all seemed ok but then he suddenly disappeared off the radar. He's suffers from chronic anxiety and mild depression and is having a difficult time at the moment but he seemed ok in himself.

I was really busy during the day and suddenly realised it was gone 7pm and he hasn't texted me all day and had basically gone to bed without saying anything to me, again very out of character.

This morning no early morning texts, again really unusual.

At this point I'm a bit pissed. If I went a whole day with no communication he'd get upset so I've messaged him asking what's going on but now only have 1 tick on WhatsApp which means my message has sent but not been delivered to his phone, again this has never happened before. My first thought was has he blocked me but I can still see his profile picture and I can't understand why he'd do that.

We've been together nearly a year, he says he loves me etc. We see each other every weekend and keep in touch pretty much constantly so this behaviour has knocked me for six and now I'm over thinking everything and worrying. He was only reassuring me on Sunday about how much he loves me so I can't understand why he'd be behaving like this towards me.

Maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me or maybe he's struggling and needs help. I'm going to try phoning him in a bit but if I can't get through to him I don't know what I should do. I have his mother's number and I'm wondering if I should message her if I don't hear from him? Just so she can go and check on him. I'd go over there myself but I would have to take my youngest DS with me and I'm nervous to do that if my bf doesn't want to see me.

I'm going mad worrying and just feel sick with anxiety :-(

OP posts:
backsackcraic · 26/04/2018 07:50

Hoping it's nothing serious and he's ok, thinking about you x

Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 07:50

I've looked up and it says you won't be able to see changes but then other pepke have said you can't see their picture at all. But maybe he has blocked me. I can't see why he would but maybe he has. I won't know till I find another phone to try phoning him from.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 07:51

Thanks everyone, it means a lot, you're keeping me calm.

Just trying to get kids ready, got to get DS1 to school and then I'll be able to think more clearly

OP posts:
Whatislife123 · 26/04/2018 07:57

Good luck

Lmj25 · 26/04/2018 07:59

Good luck 🤞🏻

Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 08:00

I'm just so confused.... He was being a bit distant a few weeks ago so I backed off a bit, just didn't text so much so he had more space, and he got upset and told me he wanted me to be my normal self and go back to messaging him more. He said he likes me messaging lots because he knows where he stands but then he behaves like this.

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 26/04/2018 08:12

Hope you get some answers soon OP

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 26/04/2018 08:14

OK so he has a bit of a history of game playing with you - he's allowed to be distant but you're not? Hope you get to the bottom of it, if he's fine but just messing you around I'd seriously rethink things.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 26/04/2018 08:15

Why does he get to know where he stands it you don't? Hmm

Paperdoll16 · 26/04/2018 08:21

Does it show you when he was last online?

Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 08:31

He's never normally distant, but gets anxious if he doesn't hear from me where as I tend to be more laid back with messaging. For example if he doesn't reply I don't send more texts purely because I know he'll get back to me when he can but he argues that he feels I only text him if he texts me. It's not that, I do text him without prompting, it's just I tend to wait until I speak to him on the phone sometimes.

He's just messaged saying he had a wobbly day and went to bed and his phone ran out of charge. And he's bringing up the fact I don't text him unless he texts first. No apology, no kisses

Feeling pretty annoyed to be honest with you so taking some time before I respond to him. At least I know he's alive.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 26/04/2018 08:36

wow he's needy.

Chocolate123 · 26/04/2018 08:42

How inconsiderate of him. He knew you would be worried

Jael003 · 26/04/2018 08:45

I'm glad he's ok, but he shouldn't have worried you like that. Hope you get to talk it through with him later on.

adaline · 26/04/2018 08:50

He doesn't sound particularly pleasant really.

MsHomeSlice · 26/04/2018 08:50

well you just FAILED that test he set for you didn't you?

you should have alerted all the authorities, sat weeping and wailing outside his front door and totally abandoned all other daily obligations in order to "Make Sure He Was Alright"

and then he could have moaned at you for over reacting and crowding him

You have been set up to fail here, my dear....do you want your life to continue to be one giant round of second guessing how he thinks? how he feels? what he wants? what he doesn't want? ...this is exactly what is happening here and it's not pretty.

LellyMcKelly · 26/04/2018 08:57

Wow, he sounds needy and controlling. Do you really want that in a man?

Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 08:57

Yeah it's unfair and unacceptable behavior from him. I'm very angry. He always used to communicate with me when he was having a bad day but this is the second time he's taken himself off to bed without talking to me.

I get he's struggling, I really do, I suffer from anxiety too but he knows I'd worry and we've always agreed that communication is key. A he had to do was send a quick text saying he was having a bad day and was going to bed. I'd have understood and not worried.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 08:59

The last 2 weeks have been very tricky and he's been acting weird. I sat him down and asked if he was having second thoughts about us etc and he said he loved me and was sorry that he was in his "own selfish bubble" trying to get his life back on track. I asked him if he wanted me to give him some space and he said no and that being around me helped him.

But then he treats me like this. It's not on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 09:00

I love him with all my heart, I really do but he clearly wasn't ready to go back to work and needs more support from the doctor but he refused to go back because he got a therapist instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 09:01

He's been a completely different person since he went back to work.

Still haven't responded to him, don't know what to say to him.

OP posts:
OverTheHedgeHammy · 26/04/2018 09:01

Sounds like he was having a bad day, so wanted to make sure you had a bad day too. Totally not on.

MrsMozart · 26/04/2018 09:07

I'd respond to say what you've said here - that you were very worried and it was incredibly unfair of him to do it. Say you need to think about what it means to your relationship if he thinks it's okay to go incommunicado.

adaline · 26/04/2018 09:11

Can you arrange to meet in person and talk? I wouldn't want to have this kind of conversation by text as it's can be so easy to misread things.

Original poster
Bushbaby66 · 26/04/2018 09:13

We're supposed to be seeing each other tomorrow, we spend every weekend together.

I just can't find the words to talk to him right now

OP posts: