Ex has asked to talk to me even though I've called it a day

[foreverday]

So I split with my ex a couple of months ago
It ended badly with him throwing me and my little girl out ( I said I was leaving the relationship as his moods and tempers were getting worse )
I've since moved, got my own place and I'm trying to repair my life
I stupidly answered a call from him a few weeks after i left and got back into contact
The weekend I've told him it's over, we can't have contact.
He didn't seem to accept it so I had to block him

He sent me an email something about a re direction ( didn't need to email me think it's an excuse )
I ignored

He then emailed me saying make sure I set my internet settings so my lo can't access stuff on the internet as he heard on the radio a disturbing story
I ignored

Got an email saying can he come over for a chat
I ignored

Just got one now saying he misses me, can we talk tomorrow

Where do I go from here
I've told him to leave me alone
I just want to heal which he said he would do

I worry as he has made comments such as he can't live without me and do I want him to do something silly

I feel so strong I've made this decision and I'm trying my best to move on but I don't know what to do

I haven't replied as I dont want to get into contact with him

He’s trying to emotionally blackmail you.

You left him for a valid reason, remember that and hold onto it when you feel weak.

Block his email address and threaten him with the police. If you go back to him it will not be a good or easy relationship.

get a restraining order..he sounds stalkerish !

Can't you block him on your email?

Ignore him. Keep ignoring. Delete his emails without reading them.

He kicked you and your DD out. Surely there's nothing to talk about?

Another block email .

You are doing well don’t let him drag you back in.

You are not responsible for any decisions or actions he takes

Send one email telling him you will contact the police if he continues to harass you. Do not reply to whatever he writes back, he is basically looking for any contact however negative. He wants you to think of him and lay him attention. What a parasite of a man and what a manipulative arsehole to threaten suicide.

He threw you and your child out? He didn't seem to want to talk then. Fuck him. I wouldn't want to have any contact with the sort of scumbag that would do that to a child.

If he threatens suicide, call the police and let them deal with it.

Just block him. You owe him nothing.

He's trying to emotionally blackmail you with the hints - if he makes an actual suicide threat, then report it to the emergency services. If you're worried about his mental health generally, then pass on your concerns to his family or friends. He's not your responsibility.

Block him entirely or change your email. Stop giving him headspace.

I really doubt he's suicidal .. it's emotional blackmail ... and it's no reason to start engaging with him . Be strong and don't look back xx

Well I said I was leaving due to his constant moods, huff, puffs, sulks, I couldn't handle it anymore

It seems trivial but loving with someone like that whilst constantly thinking it will get better was exhausting

I never felt I had enough reason to go....as he had a great side too but it wasn't consistent

Anyway when i said I was leaving I tried to live with him until the house went through but it was impossible
One day he kicked off and he said I had to go if I was going...so I do say he kicked me out in the end of that makes sense

If I block his email apparently it only goes to my spam? I was thinking he will just get bored

He hasn't made any threat otherwise I would call emergency services
It was like
I'm going to make things easier for you, guess what I'm going to do ?
And saying things like he has nothing, no friends, what's the point anymore ?

He lives at home with his mum
He's 42, he has so much debt so he hasn't got anything positive
He has also lost his job

Thing is I never cared about any of that
He now says he doesn't feel he has much to offer me so that's why he has treated me so badly

Au guess I feel guilty as he is so low

But I've taken him back time after time so he thinks I'll do it again but I don't want him back
He's damaged and hurt me so much I can't forgive him

He's behaving like a typical manchild. You are not responsible for him, and have NOTHING to feel guilty about. NOTHING. Take the advice of pps, get on with your own life and take care of yourself and your DD

He now says he doesn't feel he has much to offer me so that's why he has treated me so badly

I can't even unpick the layers of bullshit, self-pity and victim-blaming in that sentence, but if you need to remind yourself why to continue to ignore him, it's all right there in just 21 words.

Don't respond - not even to tell him to leave you alone

If you do that, police can deem it a conversation and not take action.

Block and seek legal action if he doesn't go away.

Please don’t put your daughter though any more of this crap relationship.

Blocking doesn’t redirect it to your spam folder, it blocks him altogether. Block him.

I agree with the not replying to tell him to leave me alone, I've already done that.
I have kept the emails in a folder so I can see I have told him to leave me and also on the phone
Thing is I've always taken him back so like my mum said he's treated me like this as I've accepted it in the past
I feel reporting him at this stage is a last resort
I still care and I don't want the police involved
I just want him to leave me alone which he did say he accepted the other day
I agree with everyone and I feel I've done the hard bit. Leaving and him putting me through so much hurt

He suggested relationship counselling the other week
Which I categorically stated I do not want and now it's well if you agreed to that, we might have a chance
I've come to the conclusion there is no talking to him.
I tried - went against advice from friends and family - but I felt I had to ( staying in contact being friends / amicable) and it's never going to work with him

I will keep strong guess I just wanted to vent yesterday

Nothing more last night or this morning
He isn't one to bombard, he normally never bothers but I think now he knows I'm serious that's what he has contacted me

I won't put myself through another cycle of his moods

Me and my daughter are quite happy in this new home
I'm not quite there but I'm sure I'll get there
X

Oh he owes me a bit of money so hence why I was so against blocking
He promises he is going to pay me in monthly instalments so we shall see

I cleared one of his cards as I had 0% facility and his was extortanate apr and as we were living together I didn't mind - plus our summer holiday went on there so half my responsibly but he owes about £1200 now which he covers the monthly payment and a bit more so I guess I'll have that tie until it's gone

Despite him being in debt and losing his job, he is back working and earns good enough money so it shouldn't take too long to pay back

Forget the money he owes you; you are not going to get that back. That in itself is no reason to not block this individual now.

Why did you enable him by clearing his debt?. I presume you were leaned on him to do so but it was never your responsibility to do that at all. His cards are his responsibility; that debt is all his. Work too on why you still perhaps feel some responsibility towards him still as well even now.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what have you taught her about these to date?.

I would also examine what you yourself learnt about relationships when growing up and start to unlearn all the rubbish about these that you have picked up to date (through counselling). Your relationship bar as well as boundaries are far too low and that also led you into the arms of such a twat in the first place.

Enrolling yourself onto the Freedom Programme by Womens Aid could help you (and in turn your daughter as she is and will learn about relationships from you) make far better and sound relationship decisions going forward.

I doubt he’ll pay it back as long as it keeps him connected to you.

Good on you for finally walking away.

I worry as he has made comments such as he can't live without me and do I want him to do something silly anyone who makes a comment like this is a thorough going shit. There is nothing lower than threatening suicide and guilting the other person.

YOu might want to consider the Freedom Programme because it's clear you've put up with an incredible amount before getting to this point. Someone who makes this sort of despicable threat doesnt make it early, because a threat like that in a healthy relationship would be an instant relationshipkiller. At a guess he's built up to this over time, slowly, and you've become more and more used to it. Reprogramming through the Freedom Programme will help you.

Just keep ignoring.

It's all classic stuff from a nasty piece of work who has realised that he's pushed his punchbag too far. If you started contact, the pattern would just go through once more. Tears, guilt, 'oooh I'm soooo damaged, I've got nothing to offer, that's why I treat you like shit' - err what? I fucking HATE that angle. Trying to turn his nasty fucking personality, which he manages to maintain and feed ALL BY HIMSELF, into some tragic tale - he just pushed people away because he's so scared of getting hurt, dontcha know. No, you're just a nasty little shit. That really is it.

Anyway, I digress - get back in contact and he'll soon whip back to his normal, nasty, aggressive, pain in the ass, BORING little self.

Maybe don't send the fuck off text until you get paid back, if he is paying. But don't hesitate to call the police if he turns up where you are.

And - move on, permanently! Your first responsibility is to your DD, remember. Bottom line: a good mum would make sure that a man like this is not in her life, ever. Which settles it.

he can't live without me and do I want him to do something silly

Don't fall for that bollox, he's just emotionally blackmailing you. You are not responsible for him.

I know you said you didn't want to get the police involved, but you may not have much choice if the ignoring method isn't working. They may just call him and warn him to leave you alone, that in itself might do the trick.

Block him on everything, forget the money and call 101 if he contacts you again.

If you can't get to a Freedom Programme group, the online version is about £12.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Block his email too and don't allow him to guilt trip you to talk to him. If you sign into your email on a normal computer you should have the option to block the email address he is using. I wouldn't even respond in anyway. X

Send him a message saying ‘please stop contacting me, it’s over and I want to get on with my life, if you continue to harass me I will be going to the police’ then block him from everything. He has no reason to contact you.

My ex did this too me, in the end he was arrested for harassment and was given a restraining order.