Secret lunch

[trembleandwear]

Not sure if I am over reacting and no one in real life I want to tell the details to. Can I ask what you think?
Boyfriend is lovely, very caring. But I sometimes feels he doesn't tell me the truth especially if its something that I might not want to hear. The other day he told me he spoke to a former female work colleague on the phone and said it was a shame that they didn't get the chance to meet. We discussed inviting her to ours to catch up instead. I had this feeling he was not telling the truth, not sure why. I later discovered through google maps that he had in fact had a long lunch with her, but lied about it. He picked her up in our car, drove for 20 minutes to a lovely pub and had a two hour lunch before taking her back. He paid for their lunch. When I confronted him he was very sorry and told me he had no feelings for her, he just felt bad he hadn't mentioned the lunch to me before so lied about it. I 95% believe him but also feel sick about it. The thought of him lying so openly and fully to me is awful and also that I have been working really hard at home and at work to support him during a stressful time and busy time at work - then he takes 3hours off in total to treat himself to a lovely break with a stunning woman, while lying to me about it. I do kind of believe it was a mistake but I just wonder if I will always think he is lying now.. I don't think he is having an affair or anything, it's just the lying and perhaps thrill of being seen/treating a young woman. Am I over reacting? We all lie sometimes and perhaps he just got caught up in it?

A mistake?! How? He meant to take a big, burly bloke, but somehow and quite by accident, he ended up taking a 'stunning looking woman' to a 2 hour lunch he paid for? Riiight....I can see how that would happen..

“Would they also pick you up, drop you off and pay for you?”

Yes. And, it might be that I pick them up, drop them off and pay for them. Having lunch isn’t the problem.

The problem is the lying. And why he lied.

Like I said, if I had a long lunch with a former female colleague, picked her up, paid for it, etc and then blatantly lied about it to my DH, it would still be an issue. Because I was purposefully lying to my DH about something. It’s cascading, isn’t it? What else are you lying about, etc?

Thanks so much everyone, it's really helped to have your views. I had wondered if I was over reacting but it does help to hear that everyone would have had a problem with this. I agree, the lunch itself is not a problem - I probably wouldn't arrange a lunch like this one (during work, long and in a nice pub) but I would meet up with a male colleague or old friend for a bite, coffee, catch up without any issues. The problem is that it now leaves me feeling very insecure about this particular friend. I've said in anger that I don't want them to meet like this again but this makes me feel controlling and odd as well and I don't want to be that person. We have talked about it a lot and in answer to some of your questions our relationship is otherwise great, very loving, no missing spark, I know he really loves me (and me him, though I still feel sick right now). I'm surprised that I felt the need to look at google maps - it just happened really as when he told me about this friend, it seemed so much detail for a phone call and he sounded a bit strange. I thought I was mad for even thinking it and I looked at the maps to reassure myself I was delusional. So it was a real surprise to see it and the extent to which he lied. Anyway thanks for the help, have to try and catch up with work somehow..