Can't get women even to look at me!!!!

[Friarman]

Hi,I was told to lose weight because of diabetes.Over the last couple of months I have lost 4st (started at 18st and down to 14 and hope to get to 12st).I now can fit into a 32'' waist which last fitted in approx 10 years ago.
The problem is that I look older and when go into bars at the weekend,I can't get anyone to dance far less dates.I'm 49 now and feel is it over?..

I have always had weight probs since I was a kid.l had two siblings when younger and both died very young (both less than 1 year old ) so for me,my dear mum fed me up as she was worried that anything would happen to me.I left high school at 18st at 16 so my weight has yoyoed for years.I also lost 9st at 28 by running and limiting what food I have eaten.

Any advice is much appreciated,and also anything to get rid of wrinkles..

Echoing the clubs route. Have you looked at hiking groups? Good exercise and could be fun.

Blimey, why the assumption from so many that your interests change over forty? I'm mid fifties and go to pub gigs every weekend and, shock horror, dance and occasionally talk to men. If anyone is laughing, they're hiding it very well. I'm certainly not the oldest person there.

I also do Meetup walks. One man for every five women and the popular guys are the ones that can hold a conversation. Big tip: ask questions, don't just talk about yourself.

I'm also in a rural area and OLD hasn't worked for me. Good luck!

Get a dog only if you want one and have time for one! They shouldn't regularly be left alone for more than 4 hours.

If you don't have the time for a dog but would enjoy walking one, there are online sites where you can find dog owners who need their dog walking. It can be a good way to get exercise and dog walkers are usually friendly so will stop to chat.

Please don't try to chat up women in gyms. God I hate that, nothing worse than a bloke bothering you when you're trying to exercise in peace.

Well done on the weight loss. I echo the advice to join up and do some more community stuff and activities. Nothing wrong with going to the pub - I grew up in a very small community so I know how important it is as a social hub! But there's a balance between socialising and hanging around trying to pick women up - it looks sleazy and in a small community people talk and it might put other women off from talking to you. I'd widen what you do and get involved with and because in order to meet someone you need to give yourself as much opportunity to do so; cast the net wide so to speak.

Walking, volunteering, evening classes, hobbies - a running group, if there isn't one then could you start one? You sound nice; just be yourself, get out there and hopefully you'll meet someone that you like. FWIW I know lots of women (me included) who are far more interested in someone's personality and sense of humour first, with what they look like second. Years ago I once dated a very good looking bloke who was THE most boring person I think I'd ever met. My DH (who was quite overweight when we first met) made me laugh more than anyone I'd ever met and we clicked instantly. Good luck!

Does the fact that you only feel 40 mean you're aiming at women of that age and below?
Do make sure you aren't trying to oversell yourself because you feel young at heart and want kids, because tbh women in their 30s who want a family aren't looking in the 50+ bracket. Sorry.

Reading comments about dogs.....

Volunteer with animals!

If you like them

I do this, and we have about 10 women to every 1 or 2 men. Mostly women aged 40+. Half and half single. But be warned, they are all obsessed with animals (myself included).

Hi,thanks for the advice and is much appreciated.I do go to the gym regularly to exercise and also get out of the house.I do have some friends but as you get older,they get married,have relationships etc.I haven't spoken to anyone at the gym yet as most people at the gym are usually in their zone so to speak.

I have had relationships in the past so it isn't a new experience but also need to expand my social circle which I think is important as well.

I am not looking for anyone under 39 mainly I don't think that it would happen but also want someone that I can have in common.I would like to become a father if possible,but if it doesn't happen then I am not worried.

Where I live, women of any age can get a boyfriend.I have seen women of 70 with guys of 30...

What my plan was,is go out and meet as many people as I can and see if anything come off it,via the pub,internet dating,find out any clubs that I can do etc..

I don't want to get a dog as,I am an animal lover and wouldn't be able to give it the attention that it deserves..

Sounds like you are doing the right things then

Give yourself time, keep socialising, and if you try online dating, be aware that not everyone you meet will be nice. I appreciate it's extra difficult when you live somewhere more remote.

Lot of ageism. Dads can’t dance it seems

Friar I'm in the highlands too and I can guesstimate your area, give online dating a try, I think you'd be surprised how many women are on it, it's a great way to get to chat to different people.
You might be all that way from ABZ but you must be closer to INV!!

Give it a go. There is a great online dating thread here on relationships that will give you good advice

"I'm unlikely to still be there at copping off time!"

Oh yes, I'm not out at 2am either, though I know people my age and older who are.
Is it not possible to chat and swap phone numbers earlier in the evening? Meet friends of friends and get chatting to them?

You last 4st in a couple of months? That's drastic!

You might have a look at food addiction/compulsive overeating. Your behaviour - eg drastic weight loss in a short time - suggests you may recognise a lot there. You say you lost a lot many years ago and you've clearly put it all back on - par for the course with a food addict/compulsive overeater.

Take a look at the 12 step groups eg Food Addicts Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous. Meeting someone doesn't mean your problem with food will go away...

Hi , well done on the weight loss, fair play. Maybe start trying different things rather than bars and clubs, can you join any activities, sometimes love pops up in the most unexpected places. Best of luck

Hi,
you can't 100% get rid of wrinkles but you can really improve them + prevent further damage with retinoids (the only thing to work scientifically). Also trust me on the sunscreen - never leave home without a high spf moisturizer on your face and neck. Retinoids make your skin more prone to sun damage so the two products together is a must, ie a retinoid serum + a good daytime moisturizer with at least spf 30 (higher if you are fair!).
This company is very good and unbeatable on price, regimen guide here:
theordinary.com/regimenguide
If you want to get the best from a retinoid skincare routine, google is your friend. General grooming is also really important, ie toe- and fingernails, decent haircut, trim your nose- and ear hair, be fresh and clean but go easy on the aftershave/perfume. Treat yourself to some nice shoes too!
Dating: House parties/friends of friends is better than clubs no? Ask questions and be interested in the answers.
Best of luck to you. 49 is nothing!

P.S: Word of warning about chatting to women at the gym, as you say most are in the zone (and already feel a bit exposed may I add), it can go down the wrong way, and then you have to see them there again, you get it I think.
Unless theres been some eye contact/vibe for a while.

Bloody love wrinkles on men! Genuinely think men improve with age, to look at, at least!

Hey! I am 46 and love going out with my friends to bars. You can meet people this way but it's probably ill advised. Joining political groups, walking/common interest groups is the best way. Local Twitter? I seem to always fall for unavailable people - probably a defense mechanism though. Embrace your freedom x