Can't get women even to look at me!!!!

[Friarman]

Hi,I was told to lose weight because of diabetes.Over the last couple of months I have lost 4st (started at 18st and down to 14 and hope to get to 12st).I now can fit into a 32'' waist which last fitted in approx 10 years ago.
The problem is that I look older and when go into bars at the weekend,I can't get anyone to dance far less dates.I'm 49 now and feel is it over?..

I have always had weight probs since I was a kid.l had two siblings when younger and both died very young (both less than 1 year old ) so for me,my dear mum fed me up as she was worried that anything would happen to me.I left high school at 18st at 16 so my weight has yoyoed for years.I also lost 9st at 28 by running and limiting what food I have eaten.

Any advice is much appreciated,and also anything to get rid of wrinkles..

I didn't start to date at 29 due to the weight issues that I have.I don't feel 49,I feel younger also feel that I have wasted the last 9 years mainly due to working away from home and want to basically settle down...m

Sign up to a men's style forum and have a read for a few hours. Do a quick 101 on bodylanguage if you're not versed, will save lots of time, money and heartache. Only join a club you have a genuine interest in, otherwise your "desperation" will be sniffed out a mile off, regardless of the smiles and welcomes. Harsh but true mate.

OLD is probably a better way to go than meeting a woman in a bar but if you DO go to bars:

I doubt your looks are an issue really - just make sure you're well groomed & well dressed when you're out. (Honestly most women don't mind a few wrinkles).
Aim your sights at women in your age group.
& don't drink too much.
Don't act desperate in any way as it's not attractive at all.
Be relaxed & laid back, like you're not bothered what happens.

Rather than try 'chatting up' or dancing with women just try smiling & saying something to eg the woman next to you that may encourage them to talk to you.
Like a comment about the music or how busy it is.
Just be friendly & warm.

A lot of divorced/ single older people do go to certain bars in my area to mix & meet one another - at 41 I actually feel too young in those bars! But the music can be good & people really dress up & make an effort.

Otherwise- there's obviously single men & women of all ages at the gym at weekends!
Classes my friends have joined with meeting men in mind include circuits, weights classes, running groups, kayaking.

Everyone is on Tinder as it's just easy & not just for hook ups anymore.
Also POF - it has a reputation but everyone still uses it.
You could also try more specific dating sites.

Work is another place many people meet.

What do you do with yourself at evenings/weekends? Find what your interests are, and then look for groups or events that involve that.

Even if these are "blokey" clubs, you can make some new friends, and guys have sisters, female friends, single mums, cousins...get networking around your interests.

If your still hoping to have kids lots of women late 30s /early 40 s are out there & may want children.

10 years isnt a huge age gap in your 30s / 40s. Obviously getting pregnant can be harder at that age but I know plenty of women who managed it.

Or look to becoming a step dad with a woman closer to your own age?

Btw my single friends who have joined groups / classes didn't all meet partners there but rather met new friends & some have met partners through those friends!

Try Facebook too - I know 3 women who reconnected with and married ex classmates through Facebook; & my cousin met & married a complete stranger...

Well done on the weight loss - that's not easy, you should be chuffed.

You've had some good advice on this thread, I agree you should look to join interest groups and clubs.

Well done for not going down the route of ''buying'' a woman in Thailand.

I think it's probably down to over reaching sadly. A lot of people, dare I say it men in particular over reach. They try to ask out either much younger partners or only the very attractive.

I am single myself and I don't believe my bar is too high as I believe I'm looking for what I can offer myself but maybe I'm wrong! So that'd be my advice.

Any traditional music sessions near you? Could you learn an instrument and join in? Top tip, not the banjo

Congrats on the weight loss OP.

Any speed dating events near you? It’s a laugh if nothing else and you can immediately tell if you have a connection with someone without either of you wasting time. It’s a numbers game after all!

Good luck!

Any of the clubs I've joined have been 90% women :-/

Join a club. Useless advice for women but could work for you!

A good way to meet new friends is to join something like a walking group , have a look at 'Meet up' for ideas and the bonus is that you will get exercise to keep you fantastic weight loss going ..

Get a dog, a nice, cute, friendly dog. It's amazing the number of people who will stop to chat if you're out with a dog.

Is there a local slimming world group. You'd have plenty to talk about cos of your weight loss experience and some groups are quite sociable.

Forget the pressure of looking for someone else, embrace being single.
concentrate on yourself, gym, hobbies that you can now do without your health issues, engage with people and the world just because they are there, and dont worry about time ticking on or missing out on a relationship

one of two things will happen - either you will find someone who will engage with you and be interested in you, because you are a better relationship prospect if you are a happy, non desperate person who has their own life and interests

or you will not find someone but you will have spent your time more productively engaged looking outwards and trying new experiences than looking inwards and worrying about missing out

(Worked for me )

Get a dog, a nice, cute, friendly dog

Yes to this (if you like dogs). My friend met her husband whilst walking her dog.They started out just saying hello, then stopping for a chat,then walking to the pub in the summer for a beer. No dad dancing or desperation in sight. She was 37, he was 46, they have been married 4 years and have a little boy now.

Your mate

Don't be the guy hovering round women in bars. It's sleazy at your age. Sorry. Online dating is your friend.

I'm pretty insulted by the idea that people over 40 don't go to bars. I go to bars every other weekend or so. Not nightclubs, but I know people my age who do go to clubs.

"if and when you do join clubs be aware that there will most likely be a 2:1 ratio of single men to women, (at least), most single blokes over age 30 have the same idea!"

I completely disagree with that. Women are much more 'joiny'. There are more women at most activities, unless you go for something like football.
I think partly because it's easier for men to go to the pub on their own.

I go to bars but I wouldn't go to clubs on a regular basis. It is unusual. But then I'm nearer 50. So probably not even ''women'' to a lot of men!

Gwenhwyfar

No need for insult. It's a numbers game. The majority of people over 40 have different habits to younger people. I'd go to a bar, of course, but I'm unlikely to still be there at copping off time!

Anything I've ever joined has been 9 men for ever one woman tbh but then I join things that interest me genuinely with the view that meeting somebody would be a bonus but not the goal. If you go to car maintenance I bet that'd be 9 women for every 1 man too. Cos. Single. Men. Are. All. In. The. Pub. or in their mothers basement

Agree it's wrong to tar all scenarios of older men trying to meet women in bars as seedy and pervy. In the northern town when I grew up it's mainly the over 40s who go out to pubs and clubs and many do dance and find partners that way. But they also tend to have established friendship groups they go out with, so I'm wondering if the OP's issue is more that this is a recent thing so it's hard to break in? In any case I don't think the answer is that he has to look younger as any decent relationship can't start from that. Agree that dog walking can be a great way to meet people - I also know happy couples who met that way - and definitely try joining some groups. Men are very often in the minority. But careful not to just use it to meet women - it could be off putting if that's the only goal rather than building genuine friendships and seeing what evolves.

If you join a group make sure its something you have a genuine interest in. Women can tell if men have joined something just to try to pull and its very offputting.
Also no woman in their 20s and 30s will be interested unless you are very,very rich. So be sticking to women around your own age.

I'm in Scotland although the central belt. You don't need to go to the local bars. Even the smaller towns and villages have community centres with evening classes etc. Also join a local gym or running club. I agree with PPs who say chatting up women in pubs is a bit seedy and doesn't help the 'old man' image.
I'm curious though as to what age group of woman you are looking for? I wonder if you are looking for a younger woman! Could that be why you are seen as 'old'?