How can I make my awful divorce pain go away?

[thisishard2]

In the middle of a traumatic divorce which, if anything, is getting more painful as it slowly proceeds.

Do you think EMDR would help, or would that not be appropriate?

What else might help? In terms of therapies of anything? I am seeking a counsellor but I think it's not enough.

Feel really awful and like not being here.

Didn’t wayto read and run, I feel your pain as currently in the same situation.

How about trying some mindfulness? Headspace app for your phone

Sending hugs, don't have any great advice other than I'm going through a break up and been through a painful divorce 4 years ago

Time really does make things better but I do feel your pain
Lots of people on here in the same position, talking helps xx

Counselling really helped me to manage the heartache and massive change in circumstance. Felt someone had my back in all this but challenged me to begin to make changes in my attitude that enable me to make my life.

Try hot baths, audio books, piping hot tea, freezing cold wine, sleep and cleaning.

Im approaching year 2 of trying to get divorced. It is simply a fucking awful time.

Thank you - and I am really sorry for people going through the same thing. It is truly shit .

(I meant I am seeing a counsellor, not seeking one!)

I don't know about mindfulness, at the moment all I want to do is lose consciousness or chuck myself in the bin. I don't want to think .

Sorry missed the last two posts.

It's the most awful thing to go through but I promise the relief is amazing when it's done and you can move on. Just be very kind to yourself. Divorce leaves you emotionally bare like nothing else.

What kind of changes southamber?

I can relate to that ferris - feel like getting a big skip and chucking everything in to it and then cleaning the house top to bottom. Also would love to sleep a lot more than I do.

It's the most awful thing to go through but I promise the relief is amazing when it's done and you can move on.

The problem is that at the moment I am asking myself why I instigated the whole thing (though I do know why).

So tell us why. We can help you stay strong.

You dont need to sleep but get into your bed. Put an audiobook on. I find autobiographies an easier distraction than a hard to follow story.

And clean as a way of coping with the adrenaline.

I would recommend trying to see a Hypno-psychotherapist. I had another Counsellor first and didn't find it anywhere near as effective at getting to the route if my problems and making me feel able to move on. Mind you I'm divorcing a narcissist so possibly had more shit to sort through 😁.

Would also heartily recommend audiobooks to help with lack of sleep. I could hardly sleep at all at first (couple of hours a night at most to start with). By putting on an audiobook (especially one which you've already listened to or read previously) it helps you drift off to sleep and if you wake up in the night you just listen a bit more until you drift off again. It basically means you don't have to listen to the endless thoughts rushing round in your head which keep you awake at night.

Root of * stupid autocorrect

I struggled for the first while and needed constant distraction even for sleep - but then decided nothing would change unless I changed things - so I made changes to my life that I hadn't done previously because of not wanting to upset ex, or bought things i liked and he didn't, did some decorating, re-examined work life balance and booked a break away, booked to go and see MY friends etc

Redasrose

Im divorcing a narcissist too. Any tips on how youve got through it?

And op no serious audiobooks. Something lighthearted.

Thanks all. Am going to work but will write more later .

Following for advice. I'm four months in and wake feelin disappointed I'm still here. Although would never harm myself my children need me. The over whelming sadness is breath taking.

I have done decorating. New things in the house. Started making new friends and getting out more and also started volunteering. I am on meds and have counselling. It has yet to fill the void. Or heal the rejection. And I know it is just going to take time. But happy for any other pointers.

I am also at the tail end of divorcing a narcissist (had no idea they were so common!!). It has been absolute hell but the end is in sight and time has been a great healer. I think I would also like to try some EDMR or CBT as I still find I am triggered into panic mode by any communication or dealings that I have to have with that man (we share kids). Unfortunately for me when he walked out he set up home with my friend and her four kids about 10 doors away from me so it is impossible to avoid him. Thankfully we are moving away soon and for me that will be the real start of my healing

Wow Lorry that's very tough on you. How insensitive of them both. Good luck with your move and I hope you all can find the happiness we all deserve.

Ive had EMDR, though for something not related to Divorce. Its been a god send for me, and I can deal with just about anything now x

I havent heard of edmr. How does it help?

Its all to do with eye movement, it levels the trauma from one side of the brain to both, but a warning, you can see things you have hidden from your thoughts for years.

Omg really. Like how? How do they do it? You just sit there? Then you see the stuff and get counselling for that?

EMDR or eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing is a treatment for PTSD. It can help reduce the intensity and frequency of flashbacks.

It's about weakening the memory trace of the traumatic event in your brain - so you can still recall the event but it doesn't have the same life-wrecking emotional impact it used to. It's an exciting (from the point of view of clinicians) treatment with some excellent data on efficacy. It is only appropriate if you have PTSD though, and as pp said, it isn't fun to undergo because it requires you to relive unpleasant experiences.

OP - what do you what to achieve from therapy? Some idea of your goals could help.